Are you married to a narcissist? No matter what you do, they always find a way to hurt and belittle you. Here’s everything you need to know about narcissism in marriage.

“When we meet and fall in love with a narcissist, we are entering an important life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-esteem, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our relationship with the narcissist teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.” – Matthew Sole

Any relationship is difficult. We grow in relationships and things change over time; so do we. But perhaps a relationship with a narcissist is the hardest to maintain, especially when it comes to marriage.

A narcissistic spouse will always be self-absorbed, indifferent to your needs, and may brush you off as if you weren’t there at all and insensitive to your feelings.

They will even become abusive, both verbally and physically, and they will never apologize for it. Such a relationship will make you hurt, lose your self-worth, and may even become destructive.

Negotiating with a narcissist is literally impossible because the narcissist will never want to be responsible for his own behaviors and coping with his wife.

Long-term effects of marrying a narcissist

Either you finally break up with a marriage that leaves you broken, losing faith in yourself and others as well.

Another option you can consider is adjustment but you must remember that your narcissistic spouse will never change and this will be more difficult than you can imagine. It will cost you your emotions.

Therefore, you must learn the right strategies that will guide you because unless you follow them, you will end up draining yourself. Living together will be more painful than parting.

Narcissism is a personality disorder. Therefore, do not expect your wife to change for you even after seeing you suffer. While narcissists are very difficult to deal with, don’t start hating them even if you have a million reasons to do so. What you should do is change your attitude towards them.

Related: 18 Signs of A Dysfunctional Family and How To Deal

One must remember that a narcissist is not a sadist no matter how similar they are to inflicting pain on their loved ones. Both will hurt you but their reactions are different.

While hurting you, the narcissist will not understand that you are in pain, but the sadistic person will certainly understand your pain and will seek pleasure from your suffering.

It is easy to fall in love with a narcissist. They will make you the king or queen of their worlds. They will adore you and pour out so much love that you are bound to reciprocate.

After marriage, your narcissistic husband will reveal his true colors. Gone are all the flowers, chocolates, and sweet things from engagement. They are all insults, abuse, barbs, and ignorance of you.

This makes you feel like you are losing your self-respect, being taken advantage of, and not appreciating yourself. You try to give more to satisfy your significant other but find yourself exhausted. Now, it’s time to answer the call. Either you stay or you quit.

Before making any decision, you must understand whether or not the problem you are having with your spouse is due to narcissism.

7 Signs you are married to a narcissist

Here are ways to identify narcissism in your husband:

1. They lack empathy. They cannot understand other people’s problems.

2. They are very selfish and proud of themselves.
3. They expect their loved ones to do everything for them but they won’t reciprocate.
4. They are always looking for others to like them.
5. They are jealous of others who are thriving well.
6. Lying is normal for them.
7. She is violent, often verbally and physically. They abuse their spouses and do not feel sorry for their actions.

Related: When An Empath Loves A Narcissist, This Is How It Ends

If your husband displays at least some of these characteristics, he is a narcissist.

When you are married to a narcissist, an imbalance occurs in your family life.

How do you marry a narcissist?

Since you have chosen not to leave your significant other, here are the things you can do:

1. Feed their ego. Flatter yourself with all the sugar-coated words to get her to do things. Once their egos are well-fed, they will do whatever you want them to do.

2. Always talk about the positive aspects of your partner. Praise them for some of the good deeds they have done. This will make them do it again.
3. Don’t ignore their complaints. Always listen no matter how frequent it is. Just make them understand that you understand their pain.
4. Always make them feel important. No matter how independently you do something, just tell them how important they are to you and how their presence or advice has helped you.
5. Always be romantic. Bring fun, adventure, and romance into the relationship and keep your narcissistic partner engaged.

Related: To The Girl Who Tried A Little Too Hard For The Wrong Relationships

While doing all of that, just make sure you don’t lose your identity. So here are a few things you need to do for yourself as well:

1. Create a support system in your circle of family and friends so that you can always turn to them when you need someone to take your pain away.

2. Don’t close all the doors, no matter how difficult it may seem. Always stay connected to the outside world.
3. Always maintain your self-respect. One of the most common harms a narcissist does to their partner is their loss of self-worth. Don’t fall into the trap.

No matter what your spouse says or does, remember that you are loved too, that you are an individual and should be valued. Talk to your support system.

4. No matter what happens, don’t give in completely to your narcissistic spouse. Giving in to your better half is not love. Maintain your boundaries so your narcissistic spouse doesn’t get a chance to take advantage.
5. Always track violations. Just remember that no form of abuse is okay. If the violations are increasing day by day, you need to rethink.

Related: 6 Early Red Flags Of A Toxic Relationship