New York, NY (December 17, 2012): A survey conducted by YourTango experts reveals the ugly truth about toxic relationships. For starters, eighty-nine percent agree that half or more people have toxic relationships in their lives.
But how do you know if you’re in one? The top three indicators of toxicity include: “spending more time fighting than enjoying each other,” “regularly feeling like you can’t do anything right” and “feeling depressed and/or anxious.” Two other signs of toxic relationships are when the relationship stops being fulfilling and when you notice friends starting to drift away from you.
Additionally, 71% of experts identified poor relationship role models, including parents, as the primary cause of toxic relationship habits, followed by low self-esteem, with “fear of truly being open with another person” taking third place. Other causes of toxic relationships include narcissism/selfishness and incompatibility. Meanwhile, YourTango expert and therapist Kim Olver offers a different explanation for toxic relationship habits. “When we get into relationships, we have a vision of what we want the relationship to look like,” she says. “Over time, if it doesn’t resemble our vision, we try to force our partner to be the person we imagined instead of the person we imagined.” “Accept it.”
64% of experts agree that the number one way to overcome toxic relationship habits is to replace them with more positive behaviors and habits, followed by couples therapy or individual therapy. Dating coach and YourTango expert Ronnie Anne Ryan believes that to overcome toxic relationship habits, it is necessary to work on one’s self-esteem and confidence, which she also considers to be the main cause of toxic relationship habits.
The good news: YourTango is here to help! From December 17-21, YourTango experts will host Love Life Reboot, an initiative designed to detox relationships. Additionally, YourTango experts include over 1,100 mental health professionals available for consultation.
“With January being the biggest month for breakups, we seek to help couples not only start the new year on a positive note but also transform those relationships that are threatened by breakups or toxicity,” says Andrea Miller, CEO of YourTango. “Love Life Reboot was created to provide tools that help readers achieve lasting relationship change.”
Additional scan results:
66% of experts surveyed agree that “communication issues” are the most common habit in toxic relationships, followed by “constantly blaming others for your problems” (50%) and “shut down emotionally” (48%). Other toxic relationship habits that the experts surveyed consider common include dwelling on the past, lack of trust, and yelling.
The top three ways to move on from a toxic relationship? are 1) Allow yourself an appropriate grieving period, 2) Focus on self-improvement and 3) Cut ties with your ex. Dating coach and YourTango expert, David “Spike” Ostrzy, adds, “Toxic relationships need to end quickly. However, each person should look in the mirror and ask, ‘What have I brought to that relationship?’
The relationship habit that is most likely to keep someone single is “constantly searching for the next best relationship” followed by anger at a previous relationship.
