I vividly remember a speech I gave at Brown University in 1980, where I said that the 1970s were the “decade of the ego,” but the 1980s would become the “decade of us.” Yes, that’s right. If the 1970s were a narcissistic time, it’s only gotten worse since then. And now we live in the “decade of the ego” on steroids!
We certainly live in an increasingly narcissistic culture, where the battle cry is “It’s all about me!” Demanding, entitled, and selfish behavior seems to be the norm rather than the exception, doesn’t it? This is not surprising since in America (1) we live in a more individualistic, rather than collectivist, culture and (2) narcissistic behavior is often not only encouraged but also greatly reinforced (think of the behavior of many Hollywood celebrities, politicians, reality TV stars, professional athletes, top executives, and celebrities, etc.). There are so many examples of narcissists getting what they want and being reinforced and encouraged in their behavior that this post would go on for pages and pages if I were to list the examples I can think of in just a few minutes.
There is probably not much we can do to stem the tide of narcissism in our society. This train has left the station. Perhaps the best we can do is (1) be aware of it, (2) provide narcissists with corrective feedback when their ego and selfish nature get out of hand, and (3) do everything we can to treat others the way we would want to be treated. The Golden Rule is probably a very good shield against narcissism. Additionally, engaging in activities that put you in other people’s shoes (e.g., volunteering) also helps. Research I have conducted in my lab here at Santa Clara University and elsewhere has found that volunteer activities such as student trips to work and learn in solidarity with the poor and oppressed increase empathy, reduce narcissistic attitudes, and actually reduce stress.
Maybe people who do altruistic things for narcissistic reasons aren’t so bad after all. Let them do good for others for selfish reasons if they make the world a better place in the process.
So, do narcissists live next door to you? Maybe… but there might be one in your house too!
