Are male narcissists more likely to hate women? One study suggests that narcissistic heterosexual men tend to attack heterosexual women more than any other group (including homosexual men and women). Dr. Keller (2010), the lead author of the study, wrote:
While narcissists and their victims can be of any gender or sexual orientation, and women can certainly hate women too (internalized misogyny is still alive), this study seems to be in line with the accounts of many women who are victims of malignant narcissists, who have noted Their attackers tend to display paternalistic attitudes.
This link between misogyny and narcissism becomes clearer when we consider the following:
Misogynistic trolls who target women online are also part of a larger group of narcissists who have been shown to have high levels of psychopathy, sadism, and Machiavellianism (Buckles et al. 2014). This will not be shocking news to any woman who has been trolled online, subjected to violent threats, mocked for her appearance and intelligence if she dares to speak out or is present on basically any online platform. For example, writers and feminists such as Jessica Valenti and Anita Sarkeesian have experienced numerous threats over the course of their careers (Goldberg, 2015; Ryan, 2014). As Tori Shepherd wrote, “We weren’t talking about teenage bullies here. We were talking about grown men who get perverted pleasure from trying to hurt women.
There is a consistent relationship between misogynistic attitudes toward women and homicide against women (Campbell, 1981).
Many male mass killers have also been shown to have a history of domestic violence against women. As Hadley Freeman (2017) wrote in The Guardian:
Related : 10 Ways to Talk to Someone with Narcissistic Tendencies
Elliot Rodger is a prime example of what can happen when malignant narcissism and misogynistic beliefs combine into heinous acts of violence (Broogard, 2014). The 22-year-old created several disturbing videos and an entire statement about his right to women’s bodies before his murderous rampage.
Are you dating a misogynistic narcissist? What do you notice from the outside:
Given the overlap between misogyny and narcissism, there are red flags that could point to the fact that you may be dating someone on the narcissistic spectrum. Common signs include:
An unshakable sense of sexual entitlement. Since Keller’s study showed that male narcissists have hostility toward women due to them being their “sexual gatekeepers,” it is not surprising that many male narcissists also display a sense of sexual entitlement as well. They feel entitled to women’s bodies, and are often the people who pressure, coerce, or secretly manipulate women into rushing into the physical aspects of the relationship early on and showing resentment, cold withdrawal, or even forceful advances when their advances are rebuffed.
Tip: Be wary of any dating partners who pressure you to be intimate with them early on. While this feeling of entitlement may be more common than ever in today’s modern communication culture, refusing to respect your boundaries when communicating is a definite red sign that you are dealing with a toxic person.
Stalking and harassment, especially in the face of rejection. All narcissists, regardless of gender, are capable of stalking and harassing their victims. This is because any form of rejection, even if simply due to incompatibility, causes what is called “narcissistic injury” which leads to anger. You’ll find that male narcissists especially like to insult women who reject them by belittling their physical attributes and sexual desire.
Websites such as Tinder Nightmares and Stop Street Harassment chronicle what happens when women reject men, and women appear to disproportionately face certain types of harassment on social media, such as cyberbullying and revenge porn (Angus Reid Institute, 2016). If a woman “dare” to turn down a second date with a narcissistic man, she will be vulnerable to his wrath or multiple attempts to change her mind.
Related : What to Do When a Narcissist Sees You Happy
Tip: When dating someone new, never give out your address and avoid using your real phone number if you can. Use Google Voice Number instead or basically send a message through another text messaging app until you meet up. It’s important to know who the person is before you give them full access to where you are and how they can reach you. Many stalkers take advantage of any personal information you give them to harass their victims after they refuse.
Deep-rooted and harmful patriarchal beliefs that undoubtedly remain. While it is normal for both men and women to internalize gender roles to some extent in a patriarchal society, be on the lookout for harmful beliefs that any dating partner seems to invest a lot in defending and reinforcing. This can be overt, such as a dating partner who thinks women shouldn’t work or gets angry if you assert yourself. However, it can also be hidden. Some abusive males disguise themselves as feminists and “nice guys” when in reality they are simply looking to convince you of their trustworthiness.
Tip: Rely on actions more than words. How does your dating partner react when you assert your boundaries and different beliefs? Does he believe you or does it become contemptuous? How does he deal with rejection? Does he often brag about being a “nice guy” and talk loudly or rave about women who have rejected him in the past, or does he seem to take it in stride?
How does he respond to your accomplishments? Pathologically envious narcissists often feel jealous of their partner’s accomplishments because they threaten their sense of superiority and sense of control over you. Misogynistic male narcissists take it a step further: They feel very vulnerable when they see their female partners achieving goals because it disrupts their stereotype of the “submissive woman.”
This attitude is not limited to narcissists alone: it has been shown to be unfortunately common, even among highly educated men who may not be aware of these unconscious attitudes (Fisman et. al, 2006; Park et. al, 2015).
Another thing to note is how your dating partner deals with social justice issues. Does he dismiss or trivialize the plight of women by claiming that men suffer equally or even worse from horrific treatment? Addressing issues in society that affect men (such as expectations of toxic masculinity) is one thing, but continuing to undo the systemic inequalities and realities that women around the world face every day (everything from street harassment to honor killings) is another. A man (or even a woman) who refuses to acknowledge the unequal treatment of women in society is probably not someone you’ll be compatible with in the long run regardless.
Narcissism is not limited to any gender, but it is important to note that misogyny can be a feature of narcissism. It would be interesting for future research to also explore whether narcissistic women also possess misogynistic attitudes.
