Most narcissists (75%) are male, and in general, there are only minor differences between male and female narcissists.
In their display of narcissism, female and male narcissists tend to differ.
They emphasize different things. Men are more likely to emphasize intelligence, power, aggression, money, or social status.
Women are more likely to emphasize their bodies, appearance, charm, sexuality, feminine “qualities,” housekeeping, or their children and raising them.
Are Female Narcissists Different from Male Narcissists?
Females focus on their bodies (many also suffer from anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa).
Women boast about their physical charm, sexuality, and socially and culturally defined “femininity.”
Female narcissists secure their narcissistic source through their traditional gender roles: home, children, appropriate jobs, husbands (“wife…”), their feminine attributes, their role in society, etc.
Related : My Father the Narcissist: A Narcissistic Father is a Tyrant and a Bully
Another difference is the way women and men engage with therapy.
Women are more likely to engage in therapy because they are more likely to admit to having psychological problems.
But while men may be less likely to disclose their problems (the masculinity factor) – this does not necessarily mean that they are less likely to admit them to themselves.
Female Narcissism and Children
We should not forget the basic rule of narcissism: narcissism uses everything around it to get its narcissistic source (or source).
Children become more associated with female narcissism because of the way our society is still structured and because women are the ones who give birth.
It is easier for a female to think of her children as an extension of herself because they were once a physical extension of her;
and her ongoing interaction with them is more intense and more comprehensive.
The female narcissist sees her children as important sources of narcissistic supply while the male narcissist is more likely to view his children as a nuisance rather than a source of rewarding supply.
Since the female narcissist does not have the variety of alternatives available to men,
she struggles to maintain her most reliable source of supply: her children.
Through insidious indoctrination, guilt, emotional punishment, deprivation and other psychological mechanisms, she attempts to create a dependency in them that cannot be easily broken.
There is no psychodynamic difference between male and female narcissists. The only difference is in their choice of sources of narcissistic supply.
Female narcissists use the same control tactics as male narcissists.
Emotionally abusive female narcissists are adept at “emotional control” and projecting their “reality” through verbal force and emotional reasoning, just like men.
These types of people cling to their belief system no matter how many times they are confronted with evidence to the contrary. Interestingly, the more wrong she is, the more anger and drama she will show.
10 Tactics Female Narcissists Use
Here are some common control tactics that female narcissists love:
- Deception.
A female narcissist will start a conversation (attack) with one topic.
When you present facts that contradict her beliefs, she will deceive you by moving on to a different topic, changing the subject or making a new accusation.
While still defending your original point of view, she will distract you by moving on to another completely unrelated topic.
- Shut Up!
When you try to explain your feelings or point of view, this type of woman may brutally tell you:
“Shut up!” Narcissists not only can’t handle the truth, they will do their best to deny and hide it.
- Insults.
This is the last resort for narcissists and other bullies. If they can’t defend their position or behavior,
they resort to emotionally based personal attacks.
This is another distraction technique that diverts you from the original point of contention by putting you on the defensive.
- Projection
Narcissistic women accuse their victims of actions or thoughts that they are actually guilty of. This is a primitive defense mechanism.
- Splitting
Narcissists see the world in all-or-nothing, good versus evil, black and white terms.
They have little ability to understand context or nuance. You either see things her way or you must be invalidated.
You cannot agree to disagree with this type of woman.
Any criticism, difference of opinion, or challenge to her “authority” is seen as a threat and you will be treated in a way that diminishes your value and discredits you.
This is another primitive defense mechanism.
- Smear Campaign
First, they split, then they smear you. It is not enough for a narcissistic woman to disagree with you or despise you.
Everyone else in her world, including your family and friends, must hate you too and see how wrong you are.
- Manipulation
Women who use this tactic deny the things they said and did (and often accuse you of the same transgressions they committed).
They distort reality, claiming the event never happened (“You made it up… you must be crazy”) until they begin to question their own sanity.
- Turning up the volume; not the logic
The more wrong an emotionally abusive narcissist is, the louder and more stubborn she becomes.
The level of her feigned anger, vindictiveness, or emotional withdrawal is directly proportional to how right you are.
She either talks or screams at you, repeating the same emotionally charged simplistic
Related : 10 Reasons Why The Narcissist Hates You
statements over and over until they overwhelm all logic, or she gives you the silent treatment until you give in and apologize for your “offense.”
- Blame and Shame
Narcissists blame others for everything that is wrong in their lives and never think about how they contributed to their problems and unhappiness, and often how they caused them.
They shift the blame to make you look bad or crazy in an attempt to embarrass and shame you.
- Playing the Victim
When narcissistic women are put in a position of embarrassment because of their bad behavior or dishonesty and they can’t deny it, they play the victim.
They claim that they are the ones being unfairly attacked for “standing up for the truth” and having the “courage” to speak up, etc.
Want to read more about narcissistic women? Then check out this recently published article about narcissistic women.
