“Am I toxic?”
Are you asking yourself this question? Do you wonder whether or not you are a problem for the people around you?
“Toxic” is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days, but it can be difficult to know what it really means and whether you are actually toxic.
So, in this article, we will explore 25 clear signs that you are the toxic person in people’s lives.
But before we comment on these signs, let’s first define what it means to be toxic.
What is the meaning of toxic?
A toxic person is someone who makes others feel bad through their actions or words.
It brings others down more than it lifts them up, and leaves people exhausted, emotionally exhausted, and negative.
Obviously there are different levels of toxicity.
Some people are so toxic, they make everyone worse off even with short meetings. Others cause damage over a longer period of time.
#Are you a toxic person? Here are 10 signs
1) Your relationships never seem to last
There is one clear similarity in all of your relationships (whether platonic or not) and that is that they never seem to last.
It seems like every connection you have configured always has an expiration date.
You have never been in long-term relationships and every friendship you have is based on need.
You may think that having a revolving door of people coming in and out of your life is very exciting, but deep down you know that it can also be stressful.
You’ll be best friends with someone one day and not talk at all the next.
If you’re honest with yourself, you can’t keep track of your friends and enemies because the line is often so blurry.
When you talk to people, they seem to do their best to get out of the conversation and start doing something else.
More often than not, you wonder why you’re the only one not invited to the party when all your other friends are there.
2) People feel bad after spending time with you
Even with the best intentions in mind, you tend to notice that people you meet have the same reaction after talking to you.
They will slide down, their eyes turned downward and separate. Some may come in a state of irritation and annoyance.
You don’t know what their problem is; All you know is that you spoke your mind and gave them something they needed to hear. It’s not your fault they can’t take an honest beating once in a while.
If your thought process is going somewhere along these lines, take a step back and consider how your “honesty” comes across as overtly critical.
You may be inadvertently gaslighting.
Toxic people rarely realize how their words and actions affect others, even when the consequences are clearly in front of their faces.
You can make a friend cry and all she’ll probably say is, “It’s not my fault.”
So ask yourself how people generally act after talking to you. Are they happy? Or do your friends and family often shorten conversations and keep engagements formal and terse?
If this is a recurring trend, there is probably something wrong with how you interact with people.
It’s not easy to admit it, at least to yourself.
If people have a distinct change in their body language after spending time with you, and if this happens consistently with every person, it’s safe to assume that you’re a lot less fun than you think.
Watch the video below where Justin Brown admits that he is a toxic person because people feel a bad vibe around him.
3) Friends and family don’t tell you about their success
It seems like every news of a promotion, engagement, anniversary, or other celebration you’ve heard about has been relayed by literally everyone before you even know about it.
To make matters worse, you were never invited to any of the celebrations.
Before you see it as a personal vendetta against you, think about all the times people have gone to you for good news. What was your reaction then?
Did you congratulate them and show enthusiasm for their happiness? Or did you dismiss it as just luck or otherwise downplay their achievement?
Accomplishments may not always seem big to us, but they are very important affirmations for some people.
So what can you do to be a better person for those around you?
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from world-famous shaman Ruda Yande. He taught me that how to give and receive love is not possible if we do not first know how to love ourselves.
This is probably why you are considered toxic in your presence.
As Rhoda explains in this amazing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we haven’t learned how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to improve your relationships with others and become someone people enjoy spending time with, I recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rhoda’s great advice.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
4) Your life is like a reality show
Drama follows you wherever you go, even though you insist that you don’t want drama in your life.
In the back of your mind, you know you’re causing all these little ruckuss wherever you go.
You won’t admit it to yourself, but you enjoy stirring the pot. There are little flames everywhere you step.
What you call “non-aggressive” behavior like ignoring someone or repeating arguments is toxic behavior, especially if done intentionally to try to make someone angry.
It doesn’t always have to be explosive to be toxic.
Reactionary behavior such as hypersensitivity and general mood swings may mean that you are completely insecure about your feelings, and are trying to project that onto others.
5) You tend to dominate conversations
Humans are selfish and it’s natural to want to pivot the conversation and make it about ourselves.
We can only talk about what we like and project our beliefs onto others.
But until then, talks must be a two-way street. If your conversations are more one-man talk than anything else, you may be a toxic person.
One of the hallmarks of toxic people is the need to outshine others.
When friends talk about their problems or successes, do you listen to what they have to say or do you put the spotlight on yourself?
Selfish people don’t care about how others feel and blindly talk about themselves.
When someone talks about their pain, you may feel the need to compare their pain to yours or even talk about how important your pain is.
This need for never-ending competition and constant validation puts you in a position where you constantly treat someone’s pain or success as an opportunity to talk more about yourself.
6) People only say you’re nice when it benefits you
Toxic people don’t always explode at others. Some of them are so charming that you might want to spend time with them.
They can be attractive and fun until they serve no purpose.
The moment the internal clock in their head reaches its peak, you may feel as if you are talking to a completely different person.
It’s no surprise that most toxic people describe themselves as kind. But kindness shouldn’t only be there when it matters.
When you’re talking to someone you’re going to leverage (your boss for a promotion, or a friend for a favor), it’s natural to want to flatter them to get what you want.
But how do you act when people disagree with you or reject your requests? Do you keep your friendly demeanor or turn into something else entirely?
It is also important to examine your interactions with people who have no benefit to you.
Toxic people may be nice to friends and family to save face, but they may take “unnecessary” social interactions for granted.
Do you mean the waiters? How do you deal with the office receptionist? Strangers you pass on the street?
True kindness shows up even in situations that don’t matter. Otherwise, you are just using kindness to get what you want and manipulating people, which can be very toxic.
7) Friends have called you competitive
Competitiveness is a trait that most people take pride in. It pushes us forward and forces us out of our comfort zones.
It’s natural to want to compete with others, rise to the top, and become the best version of yourself.
But competitiveness is a double-edged sword and can be driven more by insecurity than productivity.
Toxic people have a constant race in their heads that no one knows about.
They are constantly looking for opportunities to make people feel ahead of them, even if no one matters to them but themselves.
Do you tend to count victories and failures? Do you tend to compare things more or listen when someone talks about their life?
Even if you’re not overtly comparing yourself to other people, you’re brewing this internal competition and letting it fester in your mind, making you more toxic because of it.
8) People always ask for more space
Just when you think the relationship (whether platonic or not) is going well, you hit a speed bump and they tell you to slow down.
You try to go back to the first week you were speaking to figure out what you did wrong.
All the texts, calls, and emails you’ve sent go unanswered, and you realize that you’re probably trying harder than you think.
Codependency is an overlooked trait in toxic people, especially because it is often confused with affection. This is just one of the ways they show their immaturity and annoy someone else.
It all boils down to self-perception.
If you’re a toxic person, you’ll find it hard to believe that people have an entire life that doesn’t revolve around you and that your friend or the person you’re dating has interests that have nothing to do with you.
Because their independence is threatened, you seek to make your presence felt in every aspect of their lives and become more aggressive whenever they push you aside.
9) People accused you of being jealous
Your friends won’t often tell you that you’re toxic, but they will tell you when you’re showing signs of the trait and one of the main signs is jealousy.
You have such a long history of being called jealous that you think this is normal, but the truth is that most people can go their entire lives without being accused of being seriously jealous.
You pick fights out of nowhere simply by seeing problems that don’t exist, driven by your jealousy of the relationships other people like your friends have with each other.
During problems with your friends or significant others, they call you out on your jealousy – saying that you expect too much from them and that you want all their attention on you.
Any kind of deviation from your relationship makes you feel threatened and insecure, but your mind always comes up with another reason why you feel this way.
10) You criticize others because you think you are better than them
Take a step back for a second and ask yourself: How often do you find yourself thinking something like, “This person isn’t worth my time, isn’t worth listening to, or isn’t even worth being around because I’m better than them.”
If these thoughts sound familiar to you, you may be a toxic person.
You shouldn’t automatically ignore someone else’s ideas and decisions just because you think you’re better than them.
After all, you shouldn’t think you’re better than someone else in the first place, and secondly, because you may not even know what they’re trying to say or what they’re feeling.
