Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be an extremely difficult experience. It inevitably leads to feelings of anger, frustration, confusion, and depression as children struggle to navigate their lives without the guidance and emotional support that other children might receive from a more nurturing parent. Adult children of narcissists (ACoNs) often carry emotional and psychological baggage from their experiences growing up into adulthood.

This post will explore how being raised by a narcissistic parent can shape an adult’s life. It will also provide practical advice for ACoNs who still struggle when dealing with their narcissistic parents.

This post is for ACoNs who, like me, grew up in fear, tormented by a narcissistic parent.

I understand what you are going through, and how your narcissistic parent destroyed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

I hope my blog helps you heal and move on from your childhood trauma.

How do narcissists treat their children?

Narcissistic parents try to control every aspect of their children’s lives.

The constant abuse they inflict on their children has a long-lasting impact on how the child sees themselves in the world.

Trying to control their child’s life

Narcissistic parents may try to control their children in every aspect of their lives.

This ranges from who their kids hang out with, to what career path they should take.

This behavior is often an attempt to live vicariously through their child and seek approval and validation from others.

It can leave children feeling trapped and helpless, and unable to make decisions for themselves.

Praise for their achievements

Narcissistic parents may take credit for their children’s successes and claim them as their own in order to boost their public image.

This type of manipulative behavior seeks to strip children of recognition for their hard work and can leave them feeling humiliated and devalued.

Humiliate them publicly

A narcissistic parent may publicly humiliate their children by yelling at them or pointing out mistakes in front of others, which may make the child feel insecure and worthless.

These feelings of worthlessness can stay with the child for years and can cause permanent psychological damage.

Mind manipulation

Gaslighting is another disturbing tactic that narcissistic parents use to manipulate their children.

It occurs when a parent attempts to distort a child’s perception of reality by denying that facts or events occurred, even though the child may have witnessed it with his own eyes.

This type of manipulation can instill feelings of doubt and confusion in a child, and can lead to severe emotional distress that can last into adulthood.

Favorite toys

This often happens when one sibling receives more love and attention from parents than the other.

This dynamic often manifests itself as the “golden child” and “scapegoat,” where one sibling receives more love and attention from their parents than the other.

The golden child may be praised for accomplishments while the scapegoat is blamed for any problems or failures, even if he had nothing to do with them.

This imbalance in affection can create an unhealthy dynamic between siblings and deep feelings of resentment within both parties—all of which stem from the narcissistic behavior of a parent.

Using guilt trips as a means of controlling behavior

Guilt tripping is an insidious form of manipulation used by narcissistic parents to get what they want without having to face any real opposition from their children.

This often takes the form of loaded language or statements intended to embarrass the child into compliance, while at the same time making him feel guilty for not complying with his or her parents’ wishes.

Withholding affection

Narcissists may withhold physical affection from their children, either as punishment or simply because they do not see it as important.

Either way, this behavior can have long-term psychological effects on a person’s development and sense of self-worth as they grow.

Not listening/acknowledging feelings

A common problem among narcissistic parents is that they do not listen or acknowledge how their children feel.

Instead, they insist on getting things done exactly as they would like for fear that these feelings will be destructive or uncomfortable for them in some way.

I hope these tips help you deal with your narcissistic parent.

Narcissistic family roles

Narcissistic parents usually give their children very specific roles in the family.

This can put an undue amount of pressure on them to live up to certain expectations and can lead to feelings of inadequacy if they are unable to meet those expectations.

In addition, it can also prevent children from exploring their own interests and developing as individuals.

Scapegoat: The child who is blamed for everything that happens in the family. They are often the target of verbal and physical abuse.

The golden child: He is the narcissists’ favorite child. The parent will try to mold her in his image.

Hero: This is the child who tries to make everything right for the family and takes on a lot of responsibility. They often have a strong sense of duty and are perfectionists.

Lost child: A child who withdraws from family life and becomes isolated. They often feel invisible and unheard.

Caregiver: A child who assumes the role of caregiver for his or her narcissistic parent, often at the expense of his or her own needs. They are responsible and reliable, and often put their own needs last.

Each of these roles is harmful to the child. In my family, I was the scapegoat, and I thought my brother (the golden child) was the lucky one.

Now that we are adults, it is clear that my brother is more affected than I am.

Impact on ACoNs

Lack of trust: Adults raised by narcissistic parents may have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships due to manipulation and untrusting behavior from their parents throughout their lives.

Low self-esteem: Narcissistic parents often criticize or belittle their children, making them feel worthless and not good enough, which can lead to low self-esteem in adulthood.

Difficulty expressing emotions: As children, narcissistic parents rarely show emotions, which can lead to difficulty understanding and expressing emotions in adulthood as well as stunted communication skills.

Codependency issues: The need for acceptance from narcissistic parents may lead adults to become overly dependent on others, creating codependency issues in relationships later in life.

Fear of Failure: Having grown up in an environment where perfection is expected, adults raised by narcissists may find it difficult to take risks or step out of their comfort zone due to fear of failure or criticism from their parents or other authority figures.

Tips for dealing with narcissistic parents

Set Boundaries: It is important to create and maintain healthy boundaries with a narcissistic parent, as they can easily cross boundaries if given the opportunity.

Communicate clearly: When communicating with your narcissistic parent, be clear and concise so that there are no misunderstandings or room to manipulate the conversation.

Make self-care a priority: Making time for yourself and focusing on your own needs is crucial for adults raised by narcissists, because it can help reduce feelings of guilt or anxiety about dealing with them.

Be assertive when necessary: If your narcissistic parent tries to manipulate or control you, stand your ground with polite but firm affirmations and boundaries.

Ask for support: It can be helpful to talk about your experiences with someone who understands you, so find a friend or counselor you trust to provide support when needed.

FinalThoughts for ACoNs

ACoNs always bear the scars of their torturous childhoods and struggle to cope with their narcissistic parents well into adulthood.

However, there are ways to approach and manage a relationship in a healthy way.

It’s important to remember that you deserve love and respect, so setting limits and limits is key when dealing with your parents.

In addition, seeking support from friends or counselors can also help in overcoming this difficult situation.

If you would like to share your story or offer advice to other ACoNs, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.