Many people do not realize what emotional abuse entails or fall under the misconception that it is not as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse can be harmful and escalate into being extremely painful on one’s part, but the truth is that mental abuse will leave you with a loss of self, which is more damaging than bruising.
Abuse carries far more grief and wounds than physical blows, slaps, or physical blows. You may see yourself or someone you love in these stories. And it can be very painful to live or watch someone you love in denial or trying to hide what’s going on.
stories…
Debbie
Debbie sat sobbing softly in my office, “I don’t think I should have left. The boys miss him. They blame me for the divorce.”
She was the wife of a very famous and well-liked coach… and a victim of constant verbal and emotional abuse.
It’s been a little over two years since Debbie’s messy divorce. She lived with her two children in a garage apartment behind her parents’ house. Her ex-husband made a fuss about wanting children but did not fight for custody.
When they met to exchange boys, he barely spoke to her as he greeted the children with hugs. She was working full-time at a small insurance agency, whereas before that she was working part-time. He got on Match and Tinder even before the divorce became final and now his Facebook account is filled with pictures of him arm around a new woman.
Debbie was lonely, she had put on weight. She was battling depression. Sobbing, she wondered, “Maybe it wasn’t that bad. It’s not like he hit me.”
Related: 16 Signs You Are Dealing With An Evil Person
Todd
Todd was a man in his early fifties who worked in administration at the local university. He was a calm and gentle man in his demeanor. He has been married for over 30 years.
“We married young and I loved her so much; I still do somehow. I don’t want to leave – we’ve been through a lot with the kids and we’ve done a decent job. But I’m tired of her yelling at me. I do everything wrong. She must be in control. I don’t know what happened to her Over the years. I get angry back sometimes, but it doesn’t do me any good.”
He looked up, a little blushing, “Once you slapped me.”
my dad
Abby was a well-groomed woman in her early forties. A junior manager in a huge corporation, she was a rising star. She had recently separated from her husband and was on the verge of a divorce. They did not have children.
She was furnishing her apartment, something she never did, as she had moved straight out of her parent’s house and into a house with her husband.
One day I went to Pier One to buy pillows,” I entered the store, and realized I had no idea what I liked anymore; I bought all three colors because I couldn’t choose. He would make me change my clothes until he agreed. He would often say that what I cooked was not worth eating and would throw food in my face. If I did some shopping and found something I liked, when I brought it home he would talk bad about it and usually make me take it back. I gave up on trust by myself “.
“He didn’t hit me, but he would grab my arm behind my back or push me against a wall. He would attack and taunt me when I tried to get away.”
Then slowly, with a new look of sadness in her eyes, “He’d make me have sex when I didn’t want to. I’d just lay there until it was over.”
Emotional and sexual abuse leaves no bruises or broken bones. But the damage is very real.
Too many people are acutely aware of violence in the home, every single day of their lives. Sometimes some children see the screaming and contempt; They learn from the actions of those around them. But sometimes, emotional abuse is hard to understand. Here’s what happened in therapy – when Debbie, Todd, and Abby were my patients.
treatment …
She asks Debbie to invite her friends over for a night when the kids are gone. its mission? Ask them what they remember about the abusive events that happened behind closed doors. She came back with a four-page list, tears of acknowledgment and relief, “I forgot a lot of this. I needed to forget then—but now, I have to remember, too.”
She needed to grieve. First – that her marriage is over and it will take time for her kids to adjust. Two — that her ex may not be able or willing to have emotional closure with her, so they can parenthood together. And then, she needed to choose how to take better care of herself.
Related: 7 Valuable Lessons To Learn From Bad Relationships
Todd’s job was to learn to respond (not react) to the deep insecurities and emotional instability his wife seemed to be experiencing, which could manifest as an exacting need to control. He needed to assert himself more and draw boundaries around what was acceptable. Both became frustrated, trying to wean their now adult children off drugs. The kids finally got to work together, but it was very difficult.
So we worked to build more lives for both of them, while at the same time, he needed to look more closely at the option of leaving if she really was unable or unwilling to change with him.
