Juliet Abram is a woman who was abused by narcissists, her mother, and her “boyfriend.” She became an alcoholic and was sentenced to AA and rehab after several drunk driving incidents. She experienced AA and the Twelve Steps as abusive and narcissistic in the same way that her mother and her rapist boyfriend did. Needless to say, this did not lead to her recovery. Abram’s story appears in her guest post on my blog, “When AA Hurts You.”
Juliet’s post generated a great deal of interest and many comments. I found these comments and Juliet’s responses to be very enlightening, and I repeat some of them here (edited for length).
Very moving and very sad
Posted by Massiveon April 23, 2014
AA is the perfect storm that will make all of this worse. No one should be sent to AA. I’m sorry you had to go through this. My story is different but we have some things in common. Thank you Stanton for posting your article here. Juliet…keep writing girl!
Thank you!
Submitted by Juliet Abram on April 24, 2014
I want the system – whether the courts or all treatment centers and doctors – to give people in need a real “evaluation” and if AA isn’t right, not force people into AA. All other treatments are based on the needs of the patients and this is no different. I’m so glad Stanton allowed me to share my story.
Seriously?
Submitted by Doreen on April 24, 2014
I had very similar experiences in AA. When I first started going, I thought it was a good thing to be around people who were drinking like me. But after a while, I started losing the good things about myself. I went off track – in a very unhealthy way. After a while, I didn’t like the meetings at all. I felt like I was being forced to give up the essence of who I was. I started reading about other methods, and finally, after all these years, I have “myself” back. I know who I am and how and why my addictions started. It took me a very long time to get to where I am now. Oh, how I wish that newer methods of dealing with addiction had been available in 1979 when I first started trying to get serious about my problems! I dread the thought of going to another NA meeting!
This was submitted by Juliet Abram on April 24, 2014
I thought the same thing when I first came to AA — that I could share my drinking stories without being judged. But, come to think of it, I could share those same drinking stories at a bar without being judged either. But AA’s support came with conditions — I had to follow the steps and believe in ideas, beliefs, and value systems that I disagreed with. I couldn’t give myself fully to their program. I sincerely appreciate reading your comment and understand how it feels to reclaim your “self.”
Exposing AA to the harm it causes people
This was submitted by AntiDenial on April 24, 2014
Thank you Juliet and Stanton for providing this firsthand account of how much harm AA causes to vulnerable people who have been abused in their lives before coming to a 12-step program. What is so disturbing is that AA, NA, and other 12-step programs have no safety guidelines. Complaints fall on deaf ears at AA and NA headquarters. I know this from personal experience because I have called them myself. The fact that our court system forces Juliet and others to do this is unconstitutional and needs to stop.
So true
Submitted by Juliet Abram on April 24, 2014
The horrible truth is that I had to get a DUI ticket for the third time “after” being sent to rehab and AA years ago. I still had a court order to go to rehab under the 12-step program. At that point, even I knew something was wrong with both of us — the system and me. I wasn’t getting the right help, even though I was begging for help. My psychiatrist suggested a cognitive behavioral therapy group (run by a medical professional) and my probation officer refused because it didn’t specifically address “addiction.”
AA rejects all AA practices that aren’t current. I have tried emailing them at every address I can find. The same excuses every time. “The majority of AA members don’t want any changes.” It is very sad to try to make any change in the organization at all levels.
