I sat down to write him another email …
The words flowed effortlessly. I wanted him to understand how neglected I felt; How vulnerable and insecure his actions made me feel.
Then, before hitting the send button, I decided to save my rant as a Word document instead. Doing this seemed like the thing to do in my mind because, realistically, it wasn’t up to him to fix my insecurities. Emailing Tsunami to my partner wasn’t the answer. It wasn’t fair to expect him to fix my feelings of unworthiness, even if it was his actions (or his inaction) that triggered my fearful vulnerability in the first place.
If your partner is a narcissist, they will only use your vulnerability against you and make things worse.
But, my new partner wasn’t a narcissist (at least I didn’t think he was)…and maybe I was being led away by my insecurities.
I decided at that moment to step back from the relationship a bit. To allow myself the opportunity to sit with my feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and fear. Only by doing this and realizing that I have more work to do will I arrive at a place of true peace. The thought of being alone scared me, but it had to be done. If we are meant to be, things will work out on their own.
Only I can fix my insecurities, not anyone else.
Even though he acted in ways that raised my fears, I needed to trust my higher power. Maybe, just maybe, our relationship wasn’t meant to be, and I was trying to force it because I was afraid. Perhaps our relationship was meant to be temporary, another catalyst to help me grow and develop.
I had to freak out and do it anyway.
So, I decided to gently tell my partner that I needed time away from our relationship. If our love was meant to be, we’d find a way to get back to each other.
