the main points
Neuroscience studies show differences in the brain between empathy and narcissism.
Compassionate partners tolerate unfair dynamics; Narcissists put ego before caring.
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder show less positive moral decisions and emotions for society.
We all have a unique inner compass that guides our interactions with the world. For some, this compass points to morality, compassion, and empathy (affective and cognitive).
Empathic individuals can feel a genuine interest in the world beyond themselves, while being able to show courage in their actions. They embody a combination of sensitivity to others, courage, and morality.
What characterizes the brain of a compassionate person?
Compassionate people feel distress and pain when others suffer. They have social and moral processing abilities linked to specific, well-developed neural networks and neurochemicals (such as oxytocin and dopamine). This is what makes them unique: their brain can transform that empathy (for example, pain) into action or a drive to help others.
Related : How Narcissists Reassure Their Conscience
They can reach a distance from their own pain, allowing them to make a difference, rather than suffering with the other afflicted – from empathy to compassion.
If these descriptions sound like your personality, this two-part series was written with you in mind. We will briefly examine the dynamics that arise when a person with a compassionate personality type associates with a partner with narcissistic personality disorder.
Pairing with a partner with narcissistic personality disorder
The romantic partner of someone with narcissistic personality disorder usually does not feel cared for.
What lies behind the selfishness, falsehood (mask), hostility, entitlement, and lack of compassion that characterize this disorder? This personality reflects a constellation of social, intellectual and moral shortcomings that mix to create the situation.
For example, they display a poor sense of self and self-esteem, positive social moral feelings, and an increased interest in others for the purposes of classification, competition, rejection, and insult detection.
When we look at neuroscience research, we find that many brain systems (responsible for various functions) do not function as they should in people with this condition.
A touch of neuroscience
Like all interpersonal, cognitive, and emotional functions, narcissistic personality disorder has a neurobiological basis. Research in this field continues to develop. To draw on a small portion of the literature, here’s what we know now. Specific areas (systems) of the brain are associated with narcissistic personality disorder.
Related : Narcissism and Emotional Neglect: The Surprising Connection
When we look at neuroscience research on empathy, we find that many of the brain regions and systems (social neural networks) associated with empathy are the same; However, it is dysfunctional for those with narcissistic personality disorder. For example, a few of these areas include:
Prefrontal cortex: learning from experiences, moral judgment, emotion regulation, empathy, and impulse control
Amygdala: Threat response, emotion processing, threat detection, and conditioned responses
Anterior cingulate cortex: Conflict monitoring and resolution, mentalization, and social emotions
The anterior insula: Empathy, pain processing, and social emotions
Mesolimbic dopamine pathways (i.e. reward system): attention, positive emotions, anticipated pleasure, prosocial approach, and motivation
(Note: Besides the functions listed above, these brain regions contribute to many other functions that operate within interconnected brain systems and neural networks. An individual brain region does not represent an ability in isolation; there is much more complexity. In addition, these brain regions are associated with Various other neuropsychiatric conditions.)
When the above brain areas are over, under, or unusually active in certain patterns, this may reflect narcissistic personality traits such as:
Hypersensitivity to perceived ego threats
Increased self-focus and a tendency toward addictive behaviors (such as pornography, infidelity).
Sensitivity to rejection and entitlement
Although faulty neurobiology in the above areas will affect their social and moral feelings, they can understand right from wrong. This allows them to hide cheats, manipulate deception, set up goals, magic, and gaslight, for example.
What this means for a compassionate partner
Why is knowing basic neurological and psychological patterns important for your partner? This is important because a person with narcissistic personality disorder will view the world very differently than non-narcissistic individuals. Symptoms of the condition set the stage for a turbulent and often abusive relationship.
Related : The Manipulative Narcissist
For empathy to be present, the brain would need to turn to the other’s emotional pain. We tend to empathize with another person’s plight and feel motivated to relieve their suffering, especially if this is an important figure in our life (e.g., partner, child, pet). This emotional resonance or empathy is missing for someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
It’s not that they chose not to care; Their brains are not geared toward sharing the emotional experiences of others. In cases where one would expect sympathy from a partner with narcissistic personality disorder, it would be striking to see callousness, belittlement, callousness, or anger in its place.
Prosocial moral emotions: Why do they matter?
Through positive (other-focused) moral emotions, individuals in close relationships know that they can feel safe, valued, and emotionally protected. A review of studies examining narcissistic personality disorder shows that people with this condition lack appropriate or consistent prosocial moral emotions (such as remorse, empathy, appreciation, and gratitude).
Hypersensitivity and emotional neglect within a relationship
Partners of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder often face three common obstacles to intimacy.
Hypersensitivity: The “truth” for many individuals with narcissistic personality disorder is dictated in part by their hypersensitivity to ego threats (e.g., feelings of rejection or weakness) and entitlement. Challenges, criticism, independent thoughts, or actions from a partner (for example, a partner deciding to leave the relationship) may be met with anger or unreasonable behaviors, such as stalking, smear campaigns, or displays of control.
Conflict resolution style: Some individuals with narcissistic personality disorder can overreact to minor social events (caused by others). However, if they are wrong, they may have superficial responses to important matters. This communication style is the opposite of how most adults handle conflicts. When loved ones try to discuss a traumatic situation caused by the person with narcissistic personality disorder, they may encounter arguments centered around semantics (i.e., the words you chose), distraction (i.e., arguing about something unrelated or less important), and superficiality. Like tone of voice, rather than addressing the underlying issue. Their partners may hear phrases like: “You’re trying to make me seem like a bad person,” “What about what I did,” or “I won’t talk to you until you change that tone.” Even if the discussion is as deep as exposing cheating.
Related : 3 Red Flags of the Most Manipulative People
Emotional neglect or ignoring: There is no real concern when a partner feels upset or hurt, even if it is because of their behavior. The mind of most individuals can involuntarily shift the focus from themselves to the plight of others (e.g., empathy). This neurological shift often fails to occur in people with narcissistic personality disorder. They stay focused on themselves, even if they are the cause of the pain.
The typical general social pattern reflects hypersensitivity to oneself (vulnerability) and insensitivity to others.
