Has sex become something your clients do instead of enjoy? Do they feel pressured to have sex? Is it possible to be exposed to sexual abuse in a marital relationship?
Sexual assault can happen to both men and women inside and outside of a marital relationship. But in a relationship with a narcissist, this abuse is magnified. For narcissists, sexual abuse is used to control your behavior, elevate their feelings of superiority, reenact their fantasies (not yours), and paralyze you. Not all narcissists use sexual abuse as a means of control. But if you’re in a relationship with someone, learning about even subtle forms of sexual assault can be liberating.
Early stage. The narcissist begins the abuse by grooming you. They do a rather offensive job of seeing if you agree. For example, he might flirt with you in front of your mother or ask you to send sexts while you’re at work. These unwanted or embarrassing sexual acts are designed to surprise you and create a feeling of fear. It is also a subtle message to others that you belong to them. Not in a comfortable way, but it makes you feel like you own it. Be careful, sometimes narcissists share your sexual photos with friends, which further humiliates them. When you confront a narcissist, he or she belittles, denies, or blames you.
Verbal attacks. At first, the verbal feedback was surprisingly good. You are the person of their dreams. You meet all their sexual needs. But as soon as you start not agreeing with your sexual preference, you are accused of manipulation and control. You are publicly criticized for your sexual desires or lack thereof. Then the comments get cheesy. Sexual insults or degrading comments about your body are becoming more common. You start to feel like you’re not good enough, you’re called a bitch and rude. Narcissists do not see their partners as individuals with feelings and opinions. Rather, they are pieces of meat. This is evident in the general way they talk about the opposite sex.
Jealousy flares up. The narcissist asks you to tell him everything about your past sexual partners and encounters. They then use the information to call you a slut or use your encounters as justification for their indiscretions. When you are jealous, they claim that you are irrational and domineering. Some narcissists want you to cover up in public while others want you to dress provocatively beyond your comfort level. No matter what outfit you wear, you are accused of being attracted to others, flirting, showing off your body, and cheating. The narcissist will use these accusations as justification for further sexual abuse. You deserve this, or you asked for this, are typical narcissistic responses. They can also be jealous of children or pets, anything that takes your attention away from them.
Coercion tactics. To convince you to have sex, the narcissist uses harassment, guilt, shame, blame, or anger. For them, this is not sexual assault. And yet it is; Any forced sexual act is considered abusive. For example, they insist on having sex after a fight to prove your commitment. Or they will play the victim and force you to have sex so they can feel safe or validated. They nag and insult you, become angry and annoying, and refuse to let you leave or sleep until you relent. When you finally give up, you emotionally disengage and just rush to get over it. It does not satisfy you, but it pleases them.
Threat of betrayal. The narcissist threatens infidelity if you do not comply with his heightened sexual desires, change your appearance, or gain weight. They may pin another female in front of you to bully you into doing sexual acts that you don’t feel comfortable performing. To isolate you from your friends, they may openly talk or joke about their attraction to your friend. When verbal threats fail, the narcissist will not be sincere to prove his or her point.
Opportunistic stage. It is never enough. No frequency or pattern of sex is ever enough. Just when you think you’ve reached your limits, the narcissist pushes you further and further. When you object, you are ridiculed for your stance and all the early-stage tactics are condensed into one rant until you concede. Just to prove their dominance, they use your opposition as an excuse to push you further.
Stimulate fear. You begin to submit to unwanted sexual acts for fear that the narcissist will hit you, leave you, humiliate you, punish you, betray you, or withhold money from you. To reinforce this fear, the narcissist will perform these actions, blame you for making me do it, and then demand sex from you to prove your loyalty. The pressure to have sex is unrelenting and merciless regardless of your physical condition and sexual desires.
Selfish appeals. The classic example of selfish sex is unprotected sex. Because intercourse is about how narcissists feel, they refuse to use condoms and insist on taking full responsibility for birth control or protection from STIs/STIs. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to lie about having an STD/STD, refuse to get tested, and then blame you when you do get it. Your fears about having unprotected sex are minimized and minimized. It’s all about them.
Sexual withdrawal. Some narcissists completely withdraw from sexual relations. Any requests you make for sex are met with sarcasm, rants about your performance, and over-the-top excuses for abstinence. You are to blame for their lack of desire, it is never their fault. They will also oscillate between being overly sexual and completely withdrawn to maintain control and manipulate you into doing whatever they ask of you.
For a narcissist, your body is theirs and theirs is theirs. So they feel entitled to give ultimatums about your body. You have to lose weight, exercise more, or take care of yourself a certain way to keep them satisfied. You may be in the hospital sick and if the narcissist wants sex, you must meet his or her needs. You are forced to get pregnant or have an abortion because that is what they want, not what you want. You are not allowed to breastfeed your baby because he does not like the shape of your breasts.
Destroying Principles Before meeting a narcissist, you had standards for what was sexually acceptable. For example, engaging in pornography, prostitution, having multiple partners at once, or having sex with animals were completely out of the question. But now, the narcissist’s argument for bending your principles seems convincing. You begin to believe the lie that if you submit to the act just once, they will be satisfied and not ask you for more. So they convince you to have sex with someone else while they watch or do you watch them have sex with someone else. They may record you having sex without your knowledge and then ask you to watch it with them. But this is not enough. If you abstain from sex out of disgust at violating your principles, they will become angry, aggressive, and sometimes violent.
Violent phase. Once the narcissist reaches the stage of violence, sex can no longer return to expressions of mutual love or commitment. They are unable to be aroused by such base feelings or simple intimate acts. It is now about intimidation, control, domination, power, torture and terror. Not every narcissist escalates to this level; Many in the opportunistic stage remain completely satisfied. But for those who come forward, these actions are often criminal. The criminal act is not the nature of your relationship. You may be married and the victim of a sex crime.
The FBI defines rape as penetration, however slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration of another person’s sexual organ, without the victim’s consent. This is a good time to take a break and reflect. You may have made excuses for the narcissist’s actions in the past but rape is rape no matter the nature of your relationship. Take a deep breath and have a good cry before continuing reading.
Insulting actions. Decadence is in the eye of the beholder. The narcissist will not view these actions as insulting, but you might. You may or may not agree with some of these actions. Without going into too much detail, here are some examples: urinating on you, having sex while you’re on the toilet, or having sex in public. Humiliating acts are done to humiliate you and make you feel trapped in the relationship. The narcissist will say who wants you but me after you did this.
Sadistic sex. There are two types of sadistic sexual acts: mild (also known as S&M) and severe, potentially fatal. Simple examples include: playing master and slave, immobilizing you with drugs or alcohol, administering pain (whipping) during sex, locking you in a cage, being typed up, blindfolded, or clamping your sexual organs. It is important to remember that any sexual act that is not consensual is considered rape. Serious examples include:
Physical beating, psychological torture, burning, cutting, stabbing, vampirism, and murder before, during or after sex. The sadistic narcissist will not stop his behavior even when he is identified as such.
Exit stage. You can choose to leave the relationship at any of the above stages, all of which constitute sexual assault. It is understandable that some of these abusive actions you may not want to share with others as a reason for your departure. It can cause you unnecessary embarrassment, increase your humiliation, and prolong the healing process. You are not obligated to explain to anyone why you are leaving. But you’ll likely need some professional help in order to heal. Sexual assault leaves scars that are often not fully seen until you enter into a healthy sexual relationship.
After- Be careful, even after you break off the relationship with the narcissist, he does one of the two extremes. Either you still belong to them (even after divorce) or they act as if you never existed. Since you are still their property, they have the right to continue demanding sex even if you are in a relationship with someone else. Or they will erase all memories or photos of you from their life pretending the relationship never happened. This is a narcissistic phenomenon that can oscillate between two extremes.
At first, it is common to be in shock and have an intense fear of leaving. Simply reading the information here may increase your anxiety or cause a panic attack. It’s normal. She has emerged from the fog of abuse, and it is a sign of health for her to react this way. Mood swings alternating between anger and depression are also typical when you begin to see your partner for who they are instead of the image they have created. Just because a narcissist has an unrealistic image of themselves doesn’t mean you have to believe them.
