Is someone in your life a true narcissist, or simply self-obsessed? Watch for these initial signs of narcissism to tell the difference.

It’s all about them – what they want, how amazing they are, and how jealous others are of them. The narcissist is the center of his own world and is trying to be the center of yours too.

This behavior can be disgusting, making it difficult to be around a narcissist or maintain a relationship with them.

But true narcissists — not just self-obsessed people — have a real, diagnosable condition called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

People with narcissistic personality disorder are not necessarily just “bad” or “manipulative” people. Many with this condition can feel like their behavior alienates others but don’t really know what they’re doing to get that reaction.

Consider bringing compassion to the table, but also know that you don’t have to stay in a toxic, abusive, or just plain unsatisfying relationship.

If you have the idea that someone in your life is a narcissist, observing these early signs of narcissistic personality disorder can inform your next steps.

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is a person who lives with a personality disorder called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

People with narcissistic personality disorder have a great sense of self. They usually feel important, often more important than others. They typically seek attention and aim to be the center of everyone’s attention, often putting themselves before others.

But at its core, BPD is defined as a lack of empathy for others.

“A narcissist’s behavior can range from excessive self-importance, arrogance, and entitlement, to an almost childlike need for praise and accolades,” says psychotherapist Gina Moffa, LCSW.

This behavior can make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships. Narcissism is often viewed as simply a “character flaw,” which adds to the stigma surrounding the condition.

It is actually a diagnosable personality disorder, and does not reflect a person’s values or choices.

Many people show a few symptoms of narcissism but do not necessarily qualify for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

Someone needs to meet five of the nine criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) to be clinically diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. These standards include:

• An exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Fantasies of unlimited success, brilliance and more
• Believing that they are special and should only associate with people of high status
• The need for excessive admiration
• Sense of entitlement
• Exploiting others for their own benefit
• Emotional deficiency
• Envy of others or belief that others envy them
• Arrogant and arrogant behavior

Diagnostic criteria require that these symptoms remain constant over time and appear in most areas of life. These symptoms impair a person’s ability to function in society.

Related : 5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each

Only mental health professionals are appropriate to diagnose someone with borderline personality disorder. While it may be difficult to diagnose at first, Moffa says BPD becomes more apparent during treatment.

Narcissistic personality disorder can usually be linked to someone’s upbringing. According to a 2014 study, a person with narcissism is most likely to have been raised by parents who:

• He thought their child was better than others
• They were abusive
• I neglected them

How to easily spot a narcissistic person
How can you tell the difference between a selfish person and someone with borderline personality disorder? Many adults may show a few of these signs, but a narcissist living with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will show many of them.

They talk about themselves – a lot
If a person is constantly talking about himself — about his life, his accomplishments, how superior he is to others — and never asks about you or even lets you talk to him, take note.

They are constantly looking for praise
While the narcissist loves to tell everyone how great and important he is, he really craves and may seek out constant praise.

“At their core, narcissists are insecure, fragile human beings who really need to be loved and adored. They need it more than the average person, but the need itself is real, pervasive, and destructive,” says Moffa.

They make you feel like gold (at first)

If you start dating a narcissist, he or she may make you feel like you are the most loved and desired person in the world. But eventually, their attention will drift away from you, leaving you feeling confused and rejected.

Called “love bombing,” this behavior often stems from the narcissist’s inability to form healthy attachments and the need to maintain the upper hand in relationships. People with BPD often feel fear of abandonment.

“When you’re getting along well with a narcissist (i.e. meeting his or her endless needs for attention and importance), the narcissist can make you feel like you’re part of his world, showering you with attention. When you’re failing to get along with a narcissist, he or she will make you feel “Helpless and weak, his anger can seem like a weapon.”

They don’t give unless it means they get it

Your needs always come second to the narcissist’s needs.

Because everything revolves around them, they will find ways to make your needs seem less important than theirs. They can be skilled at manipulating you into giving in to one of your requests, just so they can use it against you later.

They are jealous of you and others

In a 2020 study, researchers asked current partners, former partners, and family members of narcissists to describe them and their interactions with them.

Many participants identified the narcissistic person in their life as having jealous behaviors toward others, as well as beliefs that others are jealous of them. One participant even mentioned that her husband, who was living with narcissistic personality disorder, was jealous of the relationship she had with their new child.

Related : Why Do Narcissistic Personalities Play the Victim?

If someone constantly talks about their good looks and money – and seems convinced that others are jealous of them – they may be a narcissist. This is often a result of the deep insecurity and reliance on self-worth praise that comes with borderline personality disorder.

They are charming in public, but can have a short fuse
Aside from negative traits, participants in the same study described their relatives and partners living with narcissism as:

Charismatic
Fun loving

• Caring for others in social situations

While a narcissist can be charming to get the attention he desperately needs, Moffa says, “these behavioral traits can be manipulative and even abusive at times.”

This deep vulnerability and suspicion of potential abandonment that prompts narcissists to charm themselves in public also triggers their rage, according to a 2015 study.

Narcissism can be a strong risk factor for aggression and violent behavior, according to a 2021 literature review.

Can a narcissist change?

You may wonder whether a person with this condition can change. The answer is yes, there is hope for change with treatment.

“Although it may be very difficult to admit that you have a personality disorder that is viewed negatively, with the right therapeutic relationship, which should consist of a stable and consistent alliance, there can be healing for some of the self-sabotage and self-destruction,” she says. : “Patterns of Narcissists.”

With treatment, Moffa says a person with BPD can:

Healing old wounds related to family dynamics
Dealing with painful feelings
Find ways to create more effective communication patterns
With continued treatment over time, symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder can improve. People living with NPD and those around them can look forward to more fulfilling and balanced relationships.