Sometimes leaving the narcissist is not an option. A parent admits that their adult child is narcissistic but desperately wants to maintain a primary relationship. A husband is not inclined to leave his narcissistic partner for a number of reasons such as economic love, commitment, or (dare I say it) love. The child realizes that his parent is a narcissist but is unwilling or unable to cut him out of his life.
How can a person learn to live with selfishness, pride, superiority, and entitlement every day without losing his mind? How do they tolerate a narcissist who uses bullying to control, intimidation to persuade, silence to avoid intimacy, rages to hide insecurities, and gifts to show love? It is possible and here are some suggestions:
Study them. None of the following tips will work unless the person is willing to exit the relationship and examine the narcissist. This is essential for gaining more information, learning how to detach emotionally, and resetting old habitual arguments. When a person is able to analyze and organize narcissistic behavior in an honest way, he or she brings clarity of thought and restores emotional balance.
call her. Most narcissists are proud of their narcissism, citing it as a positive aspect of their personality. While the initial involvement of the diagnosis may not go well, the subsequent effect tends to be much better. Statements such as “Be careful not to show your narcissism” in a non-sarcastic tone can be very effective as long as the relationship is trusted and valued by the narcissist.
Understand the cycle of abuse. The narcissistic abuse cycle is unique and includes four stages: feeling threatened, abusing others, becoming a victim, and feeling empowered. Learning the features of identifying each step allows a person to stop the cycle. For more information, read this article: The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.
Related : Why Do Narcissistic Personalities Play the Victim?
Identify abuse tactics. Fortunately, narcissists are creatures of habit, so when they discover an effective abuse tactic, they repeat it. There are seven ways a person can be abused: physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and spiritually. Some examples include aggression, confusion, distortion of the truth, gaslighting, limiting access to money, sexual coercion, and binary thinking. Observe the tactic as if it were a show rather than taking it personally.
Play a game. Narcissists use their charm to attract others by asking a question about the other person. However, they often do not bother to listen to the answer and often interrupt with a story about themselves. Instead of getting angry, make this time. Play a game to see how quickly the topic changes and try to improve your time with each post.
Be careful of surprise gifts. The tale of the Trojan Horse is an apt example of narcissistic gift giving. In order to get into the Greek city of Troy unnoticed, a wooden house was filled with army men. As soon as the horse was inside the gates, the men went out and took possession of the city. Every surprise gift given by a narcissist should be treated with caution rather than naivety.
Feed the ego. In order to succeed, narcissists need a daily feeding of attention, affirmation, affection, and adoration. A simple comment, you look great, or you’re really good at it, or you’re impressive goes a long way. Find ways to show appreciation and thanks to the narcissist daily and the anger will subside dramatically. This is not manipulation, but rather a basic understanding of how a personality disorder works.
Reset expectations. Narcissists are known to lack empathy for others. While they expect sympathy for themselves, they will not reciprocate. This lack of empathy is like a blindness that keeps others at a distance and limits intimacy. When sympathy is needed, look to another source rather than asking for it from the narcissist.
Related : How to Know If You’re Dating a Narcissist
Protect insecurities. Often, when a person learns of a narcissist’s hidden insecurities, they bring it up in retaliation as an offensive attack. This only increases the narcissistic reaction because they are forced to defend themselves and increases their perceived shame. Instead, help the narcissist protect his fears by seeing them as hidden treasure that should not be revealed.
Create boundaries. One of the easiest boundaries to set is to avoid the blame game. Narcissists will not apologize for their mistakes, but they will demand this humility from others. They may even exaggerate the mistakes of others in order to downplay their own. Instead, put each mistake in its proper context, refuse to apologize just to keep the peace, and resist the temptation to put the blame back on the narcissist. Don’t become like them while trying to learn how to live with them.
Avoid embarrassment. The ultimate evil of a narcissist is to be publicly humiliated. Sometimes this is unavoidable, as with politicians and their countless scandals. Hillary Clinton chose to stand by her man and this did not harm her reputation at all. Narcissists value loyalty, especially when it is done at their most embarrassing moments.
Look for the good. A personality disorder does not make a person bad; It only changes their ability to accurately perceive reality. It may be harder to find the good side of a narcissist some days than others, but with a little practice, this exercise becomes easier. For every frustrating thought directed at them, counter it with a positive statement. Even simple people will do this, like clean up well, or tell great stories.
It’s important to have someone outside the relationship who provides support when things get tough. Whether it’s a counselor, friend, or family member, their encouragement can rebuild strength in times of weakness.
