the main points
Sexual narcissists have a great sense of sexual self and sexual prowess.
Sexual narcissists tend to only care about their own pleasure and not their partner’s emotional or sexual needs.
In the event of sexual coercion or violence, people should make a safety plan and seek help.

How equal is your sexual relationship? Is the sexual focus in the bedroom more about your partner than about you? If it’s all about them and not about you, you’re probably sleeping with a “sexual narcissist.”

Sexual narcissism, which is not a clinical diagnosis, refers to a person who possesses characteristics of narcissism but not to the extent of a personality disorder. It is important to distinguish between sexual narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. In the case of sexual narcissism, narcissistic traits are only found in sexual situations. Those with narcissistic personality disorder may display narcissistic sexual behaviors, but they also display narcissistic behaviors in other aspects of social life.

Narcissism itself is characterized by an increased sense of self-importance, arrogance, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. For the sexual narcissist, these traits are only evident in relation to sexual intimacy. If you suspect that you may be in a sexual relationship with a sexual narcissist, here are some warning signs:

Indicators of sexual narcissism

First, it is important to note that the sexual narcissist needs to control the sexual script. The bedroom account becomes the narcissist’s sole construct. The sexual partner is viewed as nothing more than a necessary tool in his or her sexual narrative.

One indicator of sexual narcissism is that a person may easily lash out at their partner in bed. The sexual narcissist has no hesitation in negatively criticizing his partner’s sexual skills – all in an attempt to brag about his own sexual prowess. They can call or bully as well as criticize. Instead of feeling regret or guilt over the negative evaluation, when their partner has a negative reaction to it, they justify their actions.

In return, what they really want is praise for their sexual skills. If you’re not ready for praise, they may give you prompts to help their partner, such as patting them on the back and telling you how much fun they gave you. They may even inquire frequently about your orgasms and how many orgasms you’ve had in order to feed their ego. If his partner does not reach orgasm, the sexual narcissist is willing to blame the unsatisfied partner.

There is nothing wrong with sexual confidence, but sexual narcissism goes beyond merely portraying confidence; This is the selfish sexual ego that replaces the intimate desires and needs of the partner. Moreover, you can expect a backlash from any attempt to improve their sexual technique. Even a helpful hint about how to bring you more pleasure can lead to retaliation. Remember that any sexual problem is your fault, not theirs.

Related : Are We Raising a Nation of Narcissists?

The narcissist is really only interested in being praised and having fun. They are less interested in their partner’s pleasure, unless of course it threatens their sexual ego – and even then, it’s not their fault. They have a connection to their pleasure, but not the emotion. The sexual experience tends to focus on that personal pleasure. The emotional side doesn’t matter to them.

Sex is an entitlement to the sexual narcissist. If this right is withheld from them, they may be willing to use everything from manipulative tactics, such as defamation, to outright threats that they will leave the relationship or find sexual satisfaction elsewhere. They may accuse the partner who is not in the mood of being cold or cheating.

Any of these situations could lead to coercion, not consent. In a study by McNulty and Weidman (2010), sexual narcissism was associated with acts of sexual aggression including sexual coercion, unwanted sexual contact, and attempted and/or completed rape. Furthermore, the study made predictions about the likelihood of future acts of sexual aggression.

McNulty and Weidman’s work with sexual narcissism has not been limited to the study linking sexual narcissism to sexual aggression. In a series of studies on sexual narcissism (2010, 2013, 2014), researchers found positive associations with infidelity based on aspects of sexual narcissism, which include feelings of sexual entitlement, sexual exploitation, grandiose feelings of sexual skill, and low levels of sexual narcissism. Sexual sympathy.*

Related : Should You Take Your Narcissistic Parent to Family Therapy?

They also present experimental results that support the theoretical hypothesis of Lawrence and Byers’ (1995) model of sexual satisfaction, which is based in part on the relationship of sexual rewards to sexual costs. In terms of the sexual respect, empathy, and care that contribute to sexual reward and satisfaction, the specific traits of sexual narcissism are attributed to lower sexual rewards to the narcissist’s partner and higher sexual costs, and thus lower sexual satisfaction.

A study by Zara and Ozdemir (2018) explored the sexual behaviors of people with narcissistic personality disorders. Consistent with what has been previously reported, narcissists focus on individuality rather than shared intimacy, have a strong tendency toward sexual permissiveness, place value on physical pleasure rather than emotion, and place importance on their own sexual needs over their partner’s sexual needs. They view sexual relations as a way to boost their ego, often at the expense of their partner’s physical and emotional needs. In addition, researchers have found that narcissists tend to have more casual sex with multiple partners.

How to deal with a sexual narcissistic person

If you suspect your partner is a sexual narcissist, you have some options moving forward. While one hopes that you can have an open and transparent conversation with your partner, leading to healthy outcomes, the narcissist will likely see it as an insult to his proud sense of self and retaliate. Getting help in couple’s therapy would be the ideal solution, but it requires the desire of both partners.

If the sexual narcissist is unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and work to improve the relationship, the best thing you can do next is to create a safety plan for yourself. Remember that your well-being is important, even if you are led to believe or told that it is not. You also need to set sexual boundaries that work for you and demand that they be adhered to. Individual therapy may be helpful in dealing with the situation, as well as creating a safety plan and setting boundaries. If your partner is unwilling to accept any of these measures, the relationship may have to end.

If the sexual dynamics of the relationship reach a point where there is sexual coercion or mental and/or physical sexual violence, you should contact the appropriate authorities or organizations and seek help.