the main points
People with narcissistic personality disorder often undermine others in an attempt to gain power or feel superior.
A narcissist’s tactics can be powerful and harmful to those around them.
By learning how a narcissist’s arsenal works, you can minimize the potential damage they may try to do to you.

Because of their personality disorder, narcissists tend to live life as a zero-sum game, where there are only winners and losers in any interaction or relationship.

For fear of feeling like a “loser” or being perceived as a “loser,” narcissists use many tactics designed to devalue, belittle, and control others. Many of these tactics come naturally to narcissists and can be difficult to spot.

8 of the most powerful methods of narcissists:

When dealing with narcissistic people, be forewarned.

1. Labeling
   Narcissists love labels. Knowing that uttering a single word may temporarily diminish another person’s sense of self or silence another person can be incredibly powerful for a narcissist. Examples include calling another person a “loser,” “a loser,” “stupid,” “weak,” or “needy.”

Ironically, narcissist labels reveal more about the narcissist than their target. One of the hallmarks of narcissism is the frequent use of a defensive projection mechanism. Projection is when we unconsciously attribute to others feelings and judgments that we cannot tolerate acknowledging within ourselves. The most commonly used labels for narcissists tend to reflect their deep insecurities about themselves.

For example, if “stupid” is a label given by narcissists, it may indicate how desperate they are to feel intelligent, often in response to deep-seated fears of inadequacy.

Or narcissists who like to call others “weak” may reveal their fear that not being strong will put them in mortal danger.

2. Displacement
   When we ignore or run away from unpleasant feelings, they may appear indirectly as disowned aspects of ourselves. Narcissists have little tolerance for painful feelings. As a result, they tend to project uncomfortable feelings onto those around them.

For example, narcissists tend to carry a great deal of shame, but it is rarely in their conscious awareness. Instead, they substitute their shame for others by trying to make others feel inferior and “carry” the narcissist’s shame for them.

For example, narcissists’ fears of being illegitimate may lead them to question the legitimacy of others. Their fear of imperfections can manifest as harping on a small mistake someone else makes in a perfect performance.

3. Exaggeration
   Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a distorted view of oneself, others, and the world. Given the narcissists’ tendency towards grandiosity, exaggeration is second nature to narcissists. Thus, the narcissist’s appearance, accomplishments, and possessions are “the greatest,” “perfect,” and “best.”

Narcissists’ tendency to exaggerate works in reverse when applied to others. Narcissists may tell you that your comment was “the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” or that your clothes were “the ugliest,” or that your performance was “the worst in history.”

4. Procrastination
   Narcissists have found that never backing down, even when they are wrong, can be a successful tactic. When faced with constant stonewalling by the narcissist, others may simply give in and allow the narcissist to do what they want, much to the narcissist’s delight.

5. Scapegoat
   Narcissists often blame one individual for the group’s problems. In doing so, they gain power, evade any responsibility for creating problems, and disavow their target, which serves as a warning to others who might consider challenging the narcissist.
6. Intimidation
   Narcissists tend to be bullies. They try to get what they want through verbal, psychological, or emotional brute force.

It is important to recognize intimidation and abuse. As the saying goes: “If you see something, say something.” Remember: Intimidating or threatening others is illegal in most places.

7. Gas lighting
   Narcissists will deny what you know to be true in an attempt to destabilize you. For example, a narcissist may take something of yours right before your eyes, but when you talk about it, deny that it happened. They will insist that you are imagining things, and deny all evidence to the contrary. The longer this gaslighting continues, the more self-doubt you may feel about your perceptions.
8. Dehumanization
   As with authoritarian regimes, narcissists categorize others as inferior, unworthy, or evil to justify persecuting or attacking them. They may devalue you through derogatory remarks, hostile humor, or treat you as “other,” seeking to make you feel subhuman and alone.

While we can sympathize with anyone with a personality disorder or unhealthy narcissism, we don’t have to accept manipulative or controlling behavior from anyone. You have the right to be free from abuse in your personal and professional life. Defend this right.