Narcissists have an uncanny ability to quickly inspire feelings of admiration and positive energy upon first meeting them. As time passes, we realize that her dark side is much deeper than her superficial appearance suggests.

Characteristics of a narcissistic friend

Conversations always end around them. always. Even if you start the discussion about something going on in your life, narcissists can hijack the topic and turn it into their own experiences, opinions, or needs before you even stop to catch your breath.

When you want to share a struggle or challenge you’re facing, a narcissist will usually offer some level of empathy, but quickly launch into a personal rant about either a) how their problems are much bigger or unusual, or b) how they’ve solved a problem. Similar problem in the past and how great everything was thanks to their brilliance or skill.

It’s no fun asking a narcissist for help unless you want to belittle or belittle your problem or enjoy hearing how great you think your girlfriend is recounting how easy it is to find a hack for a similar problem. If you are looking for help, stay away from it, unless there is a chance that the narcissist can become the champion of the challenge. Then stand up clear and let your friend step in to save her – but be prepared to constantly show appreciation for her help and acknowledge how grateful you are until you eventually part ways as friends.

Not only do narcissists have high opinions of themselves, they flatly assume that everyone else has high opinions as well. Being a narcissistic boyfriend isn’t very fun when you have to play the role of sycophant or admirer all the time, 24/7, when you’re together. The narcissist doesn’t understand that friendships aren’t built on the model of master/servant or superstar/superfan, unfortunately. The normal flow of “give and take” friendships is completely beyond the understanding of a narcissist. It’s not that she really wants to alienate potential friends, it’s just that she may not realize what she’s doing.

Related : 3 Signs That Your Relationship Is Toxic

Narcissists also expect their “friends” to be willing to gaslight the narcissist, no matter how outstanding their performance or personality is. The main job of a narcissist’s friend is to make the narcissist look good – even when he or she is not. This can be tiring and require you to learn how to reduce your need for appreciation or attention in order to keep the spotlight on your narcissistic friend.

Why don’t we run before we drown in our depths?

I counseled a very sober person, named Mindy, who realized after a few months of friendship that this kind of relationship was not going to work for Mindy. Mindy initially thought her friend was just a little “twisted.” However, as time went on, she began to realize that it wasn’t just a few annoying quirks causing friction, but that Mindy’s friend was a narcissist and her “quirks” were actually core aspects of her personality. When the previously naive Mindy lost her naivety about what was happening, she tried hard to stay away from dating the narcissist. Unfortunately, though, Mindy was less successful at first as she said: “I only tried to break things off with her three times but was dragged down by guilt and memories of the ‘good times’ we had.” Narcissists crave attention and become masters at reading the needs of others so that they can put themselves in a position to be seen as the best person they can be around. Until the other person realizes that the narcissist is simply not someone they want to be around.

When people grow up in relatively toxic environments (perhaps physical abuse, drug abuse, or untreated mental illness was present in their homes growing up), they may actually seek out relationships that most of us would consider truly toxic because these types of relationships are so bad. What is actually “comfortable” for that person. It is truly tragic to see someone intentionally choose to maintain an unhealthy relationship when you know in your heart that they deserve a relationship that is truly supportive, full of respect, and mutually satisfying.

Others may find themselves unintentionally immersed in a toxic relationship and not know how to get out. In the traumatic cycle of relational abuse, the abuser/user has the ability to convince the partner that he or she actually “deserves” the mistreatment. When someone suffers from a cycle of abuse long enough, they may grow to believe that their behavior is to blame for the toxicity in the relationship.

Although befriending a narcissist is not exactly the same as being in an abusive relationship, there can be a similar dynamic where the narcissist is able to back away from a friend who is trying to break away from the relationship. Narcissists can be skilled manipulators motivated only by the need to gain power through any means possible that allows them to appear good on the surface even if they inflict invisible wounds on the psyche.

Related : How to Survive Toxic Relationships at the Office

Narcissists are often fun at first – they simply manipulate their audience to gain their applause. However, once the audience realizes that they have been trapped in an unsatisfying relationship, they may actually believe that they can “help” with the narcissist’s “change.” There is one truth about changing another person’s behaviors, and that is that it is simply impossible to make another person change if they do not want to. Unfortunately, narcissists cannot understand that they may even need to change the way they deal with others and the world in general.

How do we escape?

Cutting ties with a narcissistic friend can take a lot of energy in this day of electronic communications and 24/7 availability. Mindy feels that even though it had been months since she had seen her ex-girlfriend, the breakup was not easy, “After this incident I proceeded to cut her out of my life completely, ignoring her calls and texts and blocking her on Facebook. This only led to her sneaking out to friends who had limited contact with her.” , she showed up at my job a few times, asked some of my friends to message me on her behalf, etc. In hindsight, I should have handled the breakup with her with more tact and talked about my reasons to her.

Although Mindy’s remorse about the way the breakup went came from a very kind-hearted place (the space that narcissists initially target), it is unlikely that expressing her feelings would have mitigated the end of the friendship. There is really no way to let go of the narcissistic feeling of being “easily let down” if it comes to rejection of any kind.

Always remember. . .

Don’t let a toxic relationship last too long. Don’t postpone the inevitable. It usually becomes more difficult the longer you wait, such as delaying the process of removing a bandage.

“Ghosting” and always being “too busy” are highly controversial methods for ending relationships.

If it’s a friend that you only communicate with via social media or text, fading is probably possible without a lot of drama, but that’s the only time it’s okay.

Pretty much everyone knows that when someone complains about being “too busy” to catch up with others, it’s code for “You’re off my list.” Don’t hide behind your job, family, or other obligations. Remember, if you’re too convincing with excuses, you’re only setting yourself up to deal with future efforts to keep someone’s name off your social calendar.

If you’re going to talk about a friendship breakup directly, always weigh your “breakup” speech carefully and make it about you, not them. Use “I” statements and own your feelings. Honesty can be a final parting gift to your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend that may actually benefit her in the long run.