People with narcissism instinctively and purposefully construct a personality designed to present an aura of certainty, superiority, attractiveness, and power to the world.
But the more you get to know a narcissist, the more you discover that something doesn’t make sense.
For example, if they are so confident, why do narcissists have difficulty admitting they are wrong or apologizing for their mistakes?
If they are so superior, why do they need to belittle others so often?
If they are so attractive, why do they need frequent reassurance about their beauty or worth?
If they were so powerful, why were they so easily affected by small insults?
Faire face à des narcissiques peut être déroutant et stressant. Savoir ce qui se cache derrière la façade brillante des narcissiques peut vous permettre une plus grande perspective et une plus grande empathie dans vos relations avec des personnes atteintes d’un trouble de la personnalité narcissique ou d’un style de personnalité narcissique destructeur. Voir derrière le rideau peut également vous permettre de fixer des limites saines avec les narcissiques.
Voici sept hypothèses majeures que beaucoup de gens font à propos des narcissiques, ainsi que la vérité la plus probable derrière ces fausses hypothèses :
- Les narcissiques sont extrêmement confiants.
Les narcissiques semblent souvent sûrs d’eux, comme si ce qu’ils disent et croient à ce moment-là était la vérité absolue et indubitable.
Cependant, le NPD se développe pour se défendre contre les insécurités sous-jacentes : une peur profonde de l’humiliation ; Un besoin infatigable d’attention ; Une profonde aversion à l’idée de paraître faible, défectueux ou perdant. Ces insécurités poussent les narcissiques à cultiver une image de confiance absolue pour empêcher les autres de voir des peurs et des vulnérabilités plus profondes.
- Narcissists don’t need anyone.
Many narcissists have an air of superiority and independence that makes them appear completely self-sufficient. Narcissists may possess the ability to turn on anyone they believe no longer serves them or has betrayed them.
Many of the ex-spouse or partners of a narcissist can remember how their ex went from breaking up to finding a replacement partner, often within days. It can leave former partners feeling inadequate and ignored.
But in reality, narcissists lack the ability to provide a sense of value and self-esteem from within. For this reason, they are driven to seek it externally in the form of perceived attention, dominance, wealth, power, or desire. Like parasites, people with destructive narcissism are completely dependent on others for their psychological lifeline.
- Narcissists feel controlled.
They may seem like they are on top of the world, living without a care. But because appearance is so important to narcissists, anything that threatens to tarnish their image is seen as an existential threat.
Lacking a sense of confidence in the world and in their own inherent worth, many narcissists live in a constant state of alert, searching for real or perceived threats to their carefully crafted concealment. When they sense a threat, they launch a full response, often in an extreme manner. Many narcissists also seek a feeling of control by making others feel out of control through deception, manipulation, and humiliation.
- Narcissists are happy.
Many narcissists may seem like they have everything and are enjoying their lives. However, in many cases, this is just another way to act better than others by appearing happier, more harmonious, and living a more wonderful life. If you look closely, you may see happiness without real substance.
Related : 7 Mistaken Assumptions About Narcissists
Beneath the arrogant exterior often lies desperation at having to prove their worth every day through external means. Many narcissists may not be directly in touch with this despair, but it prompts them to feel a sense of entitlement and a need for narcissistic supply in the form of attention, triumph, power, and material goods.
- Narcissists are secure.
Many narcissists appear strong and completely satisfied with themselves. But their sense of security is just an illusion.
Sam Vaknin, an admitted narcissist who writes about the disorder, said that when he or another narcissist feels neglected or overlooked, it is like “watching oneself die” or “disintegrate into molecules.”
Narcissists have an inherent fragility. They cannot bear to feel illegitimate or inferior in any way. This is why their narcissistic rage can be so great and easily triggered, even by small events or interactions.
- Narcissists are not afraid.
Many narcissistic people appear strong and arrogant, bragging that they are not afraid of anyone or anything. They may adopt an “I’m the biggest son of a bitch in the jungle” attitude. Or they may act as if they don’t need to flaunt their courage, because it should simply be assumed by others.
Beneath this bravado lies the deepest fear many narcissists have: that they are ordinary. A sense of privacy is central to many narcissists’ behaviors. The lack of a sense of specialness hurts narcissists because it exposes the insecurities that their facades are designed to hide. The fear of being ordinary (not to mention inferior) must be defended against 24/7.
- Narcissists understand why they act the way they do.
Narcissists can seem like know-it-alls. They seek to be above suspicion.
But in reality, NPD is a powerful force. Few narcissists spend much time meditating. Glimpses of insecurity beneath her facade are rare and fleeting. The defenses inherent in a personality disorder like narcissism can seem extremely dense and respond like lightning when the narcissist feels threatened.
We can certainly sympathize with the wounds many narcissists suffered early on that may have led to such a personality disorder or style. We can empathize with the pain and emptiness caused by the perpetual warlike attitude that many narcissists seem to endure, and even cultivate.
However, we must also give ourselves full permission to protect ourselves from the harmful, frightening, and manipulative actions that narcissists do to hide or alleviate their pain and fear. No one has the right to degrade another.
