the main points
Healthy relationships depend on a sense of balance and a willingness to provide consistent support and attention when needed.
But people high in narcissism often demand an endless supply of support without offering their partner anything in return.
Signs of an unhealthy imbalance include ignoring, withholding, avoiding blame, and refusing to meet a partner’s emotional needs.
Most couples describe a healthy, loving relationship as a give-and-take relationship. Sometimes, one person needs attention, support and love from the other in a one-sided way. Then, at some point in the future, the tables may turn, with both people accepting to provide for each other as needed, while realizing that they also receive this unwavering support and attention in their time of need.
Now, imagine that the relationship wasn’t built on this unwritten expectation that both people were there for each other. Imagine a relationship where everything was given value, and there was one person in the relationship to accumulate as much value as possible. The entire relationship depends on one person satisfying their needs and never returning any of the value to the other.
Understanding narcissistic supply
Let’s take a closer look at the type of individual who might be in this type of toxic relationship. In most cases, there is a narcissist, an individual with an insecure attachment. In other words, they never received comfort, love, and attention from a caregiver early in their lives. There was no understanding that others could be trusted and have good intentions. Instead, the child learns that people cannot be trusted, and that it is important to protect themselves by accumulating as much value as possible from the other person and keeping all of that value for themselves.
In this system, the child learns to reciprocate the caregiver’s attention and affection. This has distorted their ability to interact and communicate with others in meaningful ways in order to protect their sense of self. As the child matures and enters adult relationships, this pattern continues and creates a toxic dynamic.
Narcissistic supply is what the narcissist demands from the partner. This can be obtained through barter or manipulation. However, the goal is always for the narcissist to obtain a desirable and never ending supply of:
Having sex without personal or emotional intimacy
Winning in every aspect of life
Controlling the environment, your partner, and the lives of others
Unlimited care and love
Feelings of power and greatness
The narcissist does not care about the emotional or mental health and well-being of his or her partner. They need a constant level of narcissistic supply, which often leads to exiting the relationship to fill the emotional void or hole in their being. Some people think that this is like a car’s gas tank, and no matter how carefully you drive, you need to constantly fill the tank, which is similar to the constant need of a narcissist.
Signs of a partner with narcissistic nutritional needs
Narcissists do not start the relationship with these constant demands. In the first part of the relationship, he may be the perfect person. You are the focus, and it seems to fit everything you want in a partner. Your interests become their interests, at least in the early stages of the relationship. Once you get into a relationship, the demands slowly start to pile up. Along with manipulation and undermining your sense of self, demands begin to mount to meet narcissistic supply needs.
Signs of this behavior include:
He demands to do what the narcissist wants without any concern for your needs
Expect constant praise and attention for everything good while taking no responsibility or blame for anything negative inside or outside the relationship
Accept that they are the leader and decision-maker in the relationship
Not accepting that you have your own goals, while expecting that you will give up everything to help them achieve theirs
Constant gaslighting, shadows, and other forms of manipulation
Sudden periods of complete or deliberate disregard to block any type of interaction without explanation or clear reason
Working with a therapist who has experience with toxic relationships is key in recognizing these behaviors and evaluating the relationship. In many cases, ending a relationship is the best option for healing. The narcissist is usually unwilling to acknowledge or accept the harm they are causing and make the changes necessary to rebuild a healthy, positive, and mutually supportive relationship.
