“What is a narcissistic personality?” is a question that can be answered by noting that some of the most common characteristics of narcissism include a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a need for control. If someone in your life displays narcissistic traits — whether they’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or not — knowing how to respond to them can be difficult. Let’s go over some of the different types of narcissism and what you can do if someone in your life displays these traits.
Narcissism Vs. Narcissistic personality disorder
First, it is important to note that a person who exhibits narcissistic behaviors may not necessarily have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Sometimes a person with these personality traits will show signs of these tendencies. However, a person with BPD has a clinical mental health condition that can affect their daily functioning in many ways in the long term. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may exhibit symptoms such as:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance
A pervasive sense of arrogance
The need for excessive admiration
Do not hesitate to exploit people to get what they want
Dreams of dominating others or being better than them
A sense of entitlement - Failure to understand or consider the needs or feelings of others
Feelings of superiority
Only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose someone with borderline personality disorder. However, there are some signs that you may be able to spot that may indicate that the person only has narcissistic tendencies and not clinical narcissistic personality disorder. These include the ability to take responsibility for their actions and the ability to develop stable and loving relationships. Again, symptoms of narcissism or NPD usually persist and spread over time, while narcissistic personality traits can appear in some situations or at some times but not at all in others.
Types of narcissism
Over the years, different researchers have come up with different ways to classify types of narcissism. One of the more recent classifications divides it into two types: stately and weak. There are some common traits between both types, such as a sense of entitlement, disregard for the feelings and needs of others, and a sense of self-centeredness. Beyond that, they differ in how they are presented.
Arrogant narcissism
The name gives an indication of the distinctive qualities of this type of narcissism. Grandiose narcissists tend to have an inflated self-image and higher-than-normal self-esteem. They often feel a deep need for admiration, and their sense of entitlement leads them to expect it. They may have no problem taking advantage of others to get what they want or need.
Vulnerable narcissism
Vulnerable narcissism manifests itself quite differently. It takes the form of insecurity, defensiveness, and hypersensitivity. A vulnerable narcissist will likely suffer from low self-esteem, which may lead to avoidance or anger and hostility when it comes to his or her relationships with others.
Tips for responding to a narcissistic person
If you are experiencing any type of abuse, you have the right to defend yourself by leaving the relationship and seeking help.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse of any kind, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
As long as you’re not being abused, you can take steps to maintain your health while in a relationship with someone who displays narcissistic behaviors. This is especially true if they are a long-term figure in your life, such as close family. Here are some strategies you can try.
For example, you can set aside regular time for yourself or ask them not to resist when you say no to something. Be prepared for them to try to change your mind or convince you that the lines you’re drawing are unreasonable, and do your best to stand firm.
Don’t give in to negativity
A person who displays narcissistic traits may blame you for their actions or project their insecurities onto you. They may tend to blame you or others when things don’t go their way. Anticipating these possibilities when interacting with this person can help you prepare to let it roll over without internalizing it.
Try not to take it personally
If the person you are dealing with has the clinical condition of narcissistic personality disorder, remember that it is a mental health disorder that they cannot control. They may also be resistant to the idea or suggestion of seeking help, which may mean that their behaviors may not change. While some of their actions may feel like personal attacks on you or criticisms of you, remembering that this is a case of speaking up and continuing to take measures to defend yourself will be key overall. Again, remember that if you are being abused, you have the right to get out of the situation or relationship.
Develop healthy self-esteem
Dealing with a narcissist on a regular basis can negatively impact your self-esteem over time. They may wear you down in order to build themselves up, and constant criticism or pushing back on your boundaries may lead to self-doubt. Working to build your sense of confidence and self-esteem can help you advocate for your mental health. Additionally, research shows that a healthy sense of self-esteem is linked to “success and well-being in life areas such as relationships, work, and health,” so the benefits can be far-reaching. Some ways to work on building self-esteem include practicing mindfulness, saying daily affirmations, setting and reaching achievable goals, and starting therapy.
Contact the therapist
Working with a therapist can be a useful tool for those who regularly interact with someone who displays narcissistic behaviors. They can provide a neutral, third-party perspective, help you build your self-esteem and communication skills, and help you set boundaries to keep you safe and healthy. If you prefer to access this type of therapy from the comfort of your own home, consider an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. You can connect with a licensed counselor who you can meet via phone, video call, and/or online chat to deal with the challenges you may be facing. Since research suggests that virtual therapy offers similar benefits to in-person sessions, this format is a viable option for those who prefer it for convenience, accessibility, or cost-effectiveness.
