An overt narcissist is the easiest to spot. By definition, they take up all the space with their assertiveness, open nature, and unmistakable confidence. So naturally they become synonymous with narcissism. However, lurking behind the stage, lurking in the shadows, is a secret, always quiet, low-energy narcissist – Batman’s narcissistic Robin, who secretly harbors grandiose plans to replace Batman.

Here we see two sides of the same coin. Grandiosity is one trait shared by covert and overt narcissists. They both believe they are infinitely powerful and capable. However, there is one subtle diversion. One sided with the life instinct and the other with the death instinct.

To know the narcissist, follow the shyness

The overt narcissist dances and struts over their shame, the covert narcissist permanently inhabits it. If you challenge narcissists’ overt power, they will deflect, push back, jeer, and fight out of shame. On the other hand, the covert narcissist has no power in the world, except for the fantasies they harbor in their minds. Unlike overt narcissists, they are not supported or encouraged to shine. Their sense of curiosity, wonder, and light were instantly crushed, leaving them to sink into shame, which eventually formed into a dead permanent state known as toxic shame.

The overt narcissist was conditionally likable, but at least he was likable. They have been given the path towards specialization. They may have been celebrated for their charisma, virgin status, intelligence, and so on. The covert narcissist received no real path, and thus permanently internalized the crushing pain of irreparable shame.

The hypersensitive and hidden narcissist

The covert narcissist is referred to as a vulnerable narcissist for a reason, which is because their core is wounded. Being in danger is unbearable for them, and the smallest cause in the present resonates with the trauma they experienced in childhood. For this reason, they maintain a carefully balanced and coherent personality, with the goal of having a narcissistic supply while keeping themselves insulated from harm. Hence the classic insane behavior of covert narcissism. They push your buttons from afar while avoiding accountability.

A covert narcissist is hard to spot because they avoid the spotlight. However, they still hold on to an idealized version of themselves. They also imagine themselves to be different from the “normal” people around them. Covert narcissists, according to them, know more, see more, and feel more. The covert narcissist imagines and thinks they are special, but they carry so much shame, they can never act on the outside world to prove it. They are so sensitive to shame that they avoid criticism at all costs. As a result, the covert narcissist compartmentalizes his experiences, deceiving himself about why he failed. They also never receive input from outside which proves their sense of specialization wrong. It often goes in one ear and out the other.

The overt narcissist feels legitimate in the world and is happy to quarrel with others to assert his dominance. One attacks life head on, the other avoids the harshness of the world at all costs, preferring to pull strings in the shadows. Both are prone to narcissistic rage when abused or put down. However, the overt narcissist is better able to defend against it, while the covert narcissist will back down more easily.