Have you had the unfortunate experience of having to take care of a narcissistic patient? My condolences because I know how stressful it can be!
So, let’s talk about issues related to when narcissists get sick and how they behave. There are quite a few dynamics that can come into play, depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, but it all boils down to the same thing – narcissistic presentation.
Narcissists need to scavenge for supplies like a vampire needs to suck blood. In fact, the narcissistic display is actually life force energy, making it the narcissist’s energetic lifeline.
The narcissist will milk disease or illness for all it’s worth and then some!
The way a narcissist extracts life force from others is through caring. Any attention is a good thing because it all confirms the narcissist’s false illusion that they are superior, special, and perfect.
Understanding how important it is to take care of the narcissist is key to the question, How does a narcissist act when he is ill?
When Narcissists Get Sick, How Do They Act?
Play the perfect victim
In the pseudo-narcissistic version of reality, they are the center of the universe around which everything else must revolve.
However, as we know, there are billions of people on the planet, and not only them. It is unrealistic to think that everything can revolve around one person.
In order for the narcissist to make sure things are still going around him, he needs to create situations, which keep him in the spotlight always. They need to stay center stage so they can continue to attract a steady stream of attention from those around them.
So, when narcissists get sick, how do they act? They will fully and absolutely play the victim to the fullest extent. They will use illness to arouse sympathy in others, creating a huge pity party for themselves.
“I feel so bad I don’t sleep at night. It all makes me feel down during the day. But, don’t worry about me, I know you have a life to live…”
They will say all this with trembling lips, tears in their eyes, and the fervent expectation that you will be with them all day.
The passive aggressive narcissist (usually in disguise) will imply what he expects without actually saying the words. This way, if you agree to their whims and talk about them in the future, they can respond to you by saying, “I never asked you to do that.”
However, if you walk away and do not surrender to them, they will punish you for it in a harsh and unspoken manner.
It’s emotional blackmail, plain and simple.
When the narcissist plays the victim, he will especially prey on those around him who embody a high sense of compassion. They will then continue to use these people’s empathy against them so that they can reap their life force energy through the attention they receive.
Act completely superior
Narcissists suffer from a superiority complex at the best of times. When looking at how a narcissist acts when he is ill, his complete self-entitlement and belief that he is more important than everyone else will shine through.
They may suddenly become experts on the subject of their illness and proceed to teach everyone else about it, because they “know best.”
They will use the disease to put themselves above all others, because they are now in the super-elite club of “survivors”, or believe they are so superior because they have been through such an ordeal.
The narcissist will literally cling to the disease label and use it as part of their (false) identity to peg themselves above the rest of us mere mortals.
Use it to Manipulate
Another tactic, when narcissists get sick, is pure manipulation of those around them.
They will guilt-trip anyone who doesn’t jump fast enough when they ring the bell. They will cruelly shame those who do not pay enough attention to them or try to go and take care of their own needs. Taking care of yourself does the narcissist no good, so they can care less about what you need or want during their sick days.
God forbid if you insinuate in any way that they are getting better or not getting sick like what they are wearing. They will take it as a personal attack. Even if this was never your intention, the only thing that matters is how they perceive the comment in their mind.
Then they will likely continue to punish you for making such a statement.
“How dare you suggest I am not that sick! The doctor said I needed bed rest for at least 7 days. But of course, you think you know better than the doctor.
An excuse to evade accountability
Let’s be honest, it must be hard pretending to be charming, caring, or cool all the time when that’s not who they are at all.
As the narcissist gets older, his appearance fades and his resources (used to attract attention) begin to dwindle. Therefore, their ability to lift their false mask also becomes more difficult.
The same can be said when looking at when narcissists get sick. They will use their discomfort or symptoms as an excuse for their abusive and disrespectful behavior towards others.
They will get upset with their caregiver for no reason, and then if they are stopped for their behavior they will say, “It’s just because I’m in pain, don’t take it personally.”
The narcissist may blame his behavior and blame him again, even though all you’re trying to do is help him. They may accuse you of not caring enough or they will push and push you, and then when you get upset, they will accuse you of being rude to them.
In the world of narcissists, they cannot accept responsibility for any of their flaws or negative behaviors, because that would mean admitting that they are not actually as perfect as they think they are.
When a narcissist falls ill, he will use this situation as an excuse for many of his narcissistic traits, rather than being responsible for his words and actions.
A Way to Gain Sympathy
Narcissists definitely love being sick because it means they can get a lot of sympathy from those around them.
Empathy = caring that gives them the life energy needed to fuel their false selves.
The narcissist will use illness or illness to gain sympathy at home and in public.
They’ll use social media to post “poor me” posts so they can get a dopamine shot with every reaction, like, or comment. Social media is the gift of attention that keeps on giving, which is why narcissists use it as a playground for their life energy.
When a narcissist receives sympathy, he or she keeps it center stage, while flattering others about their well-being. This inflates their ego and assures them of how important they are and how important it is for them to get lots of attention and attention.
An excuse to demand special treatment
As a byproduct of superiority, narcissists expect special treatment when they are sick. Their false personality causes them to believe that they are a deity worthy of being revered by everyone around them.
This will be displayed by asking certain people to perform certain duties for them. Or they expect others to take care of their menial tasks because they are “too sick.”
The narcissist might call you from the other end of the house just so you can pass them the water bottle (you’ve witnessed this before!).
They’ll leave their dish on the table for you to take to the sink or they’ll ask you to pass the remote control to them, even though it’s literally within their reach! They’ll need a special blanket with their favorite meal for dinner, even if they know you can’t cook or get it.
We could go on and on with their ridiculous demands, but the point is that if you refuse their demands, they will put you down and shame you for having dared say no to them.
They truly do think that they’re above you and that by you refusing even just one of their expectations is abusive on your part.
An Excuse for Laziness
Narcissists can be very lazy when they want to be, especially vulnerable narcissists. But all fire personalities love nothing more than to have their minions running after them, while they kick back and relax.
They don’t want to have to lift a finger at the best of times, so the way a narcissist acts when they’re sick is to literally sit back and do nothing.
They will have no problem calling you out and telling you what to do or manipulating others into handing the attention and the offer. They like not having to bother themselves with household chores, which soon become less of them anyway. They are very happy to have their partner do all the cooking, cleaning, kids, pets, etc., while playing the patient role.
Dealing with a lazy narcissist who becomes even more lazy because of illness can be a very fine line. If you give them a lot of freedom, they will quickly make that the new normal, even after recovering from illness. Because there is sure to be a new disease that they will make up or exaggerate just so they can carry on with their lazy ‘disease’.
I know a vulnerable narcissist who kept the pathological cycle going for years, all in order to keep her husband as her ‘caregiver’, forever running after her. She literally flits from one health problem to another so that she is always the victim and he remains constant in the role of “slave”.
She is also the laziest woman I have ever met in my entire life. If her husband complains about her not doing anything herself, he is met with abuse, which quickly puts him back on track.
Narcissists will use illness as an excuse to be completely lazy.
4 Types of Sick Narcissists
Interestingly, not all sick narcissists are created equal. The way they use their disease for attention and display can look a little different depending on how each Nark does.
Here are four types of sick narcissists that I noticed.
hypochondriac
The obsessive pathologist is the narcissist who takes every little illness completely out of the water.
If they have an itchy hand, they’ll use Google to self-diagnose some crazy disease they think they caught at the supermarket yesterday.
Maybe they have a slight ache in their ankle, so an hour later they’re at the doctor’s office trying to get a last-minute appointment to figure out what’s “wrong” with them.
Obsessive narcissists are the ones who like to avoid taking responsibility for themselves by blaming every little thing about them on something that is clearly out of their control.
Typically, people with OCD are introverted and don’t have the confidence to go out and be a big personality in order to attract attention and show off. Their sure way to get the attention they need to validate their worth is by always having something wrong with them and being a never ending victim.
expert
How does a narcissist act when he is sick and thinks he is the expert on everything?
They will have to go to the nurse for being incompetent. They will blame the receptionist for making their appointment wrong. They’ll want five different opinions from five different doctors, because none of them know what they’re talking about.
The narcissist will research his illness or illness and suddenly think he knows absolutely everything there is to know about it. They will want to teach anyone to listen with all their knowledge, thus inflating their ego superiority.
rival
Then you have the narcissistic rival who has to be the absolute winner in everything to do with his illness.
They’ll talk about their doctor being the most elite in their field, because they’ll never have anyone but the best working with them.
If a narcissist receives a bad diagnosis of something, he or she will have to pretend that their condition is much worse than that of everyone else. Even when it comes to ill health, the narcissist has to be the best at it!
Everything is a competition and the narcissist should always come out on top.
Another scenario is if the narcissist’s illness was triggered by an accident or event. They will claim that the event they experienced was the most serious or that they beat the greatest odds of recovery.
Their false selves cannot accept that they are not the most elite and superior, or else their entire false existence would be called into question, which they would never allow to happen.
