Human communication is an important part of our life. Feeling loved and feeling connected contributes to our mental health.
But not all relationships make our lives better. Some relationships are not good for us. They harm our well-being rather than improve it. Some can be toxic, and it’s important to recognize the red flags.
What are the red flags in a relationship? How do you identify them? And most importantly, what should you do if your relationship has reached an unhealthy state?
Here’s your guide to dealing with common relationship red flags.
What are the red flags in a relationship?
Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior.
They are not always recognizable at first, which is part of what makes them so dangerous. However, they tend to grow larger and become more problematic over time.
Red flags are often used in conversations about toxic or abusive relationships. Toxicity can manifest itself in any close relationship: friends, colleagues, family members, or partners.
Red flags in a guy or girl can be signs of narcissism, aggression, victimization, or even abusive behavior. By being aware of some common red flags, you can avoid getting involved in a toxic relationship.
When you’re encountering red flags in a relationship, it’s the time to pause and think about the dynamic you already share with this person.
Oftentimes, toxic behavior is subtle and insidious. It creeps up on us in moments of weakness, and if we can’t fight it off, it can take over our lives.
This can lead to harming ourselves and those around us. Developing self-awareness about red flags and toxic behavior can help us avoid them altogether.
15 Red flags in the relationship that you should watch out for
Knowing how to spot red flags in a relationship is extremely important.
Before you can treat red flags, you need to understand what they look like and why they are dangerous.
Unfortunately, some people begin to accept red flags as “part of the package” rather than warning signs. And then they become vulnerable to emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical harm.
Let’s take a look at 15 common red flags in men, women, and non-binary individuals that can arise in any relationship. By knowing what they look like and why they are harmful, you can stop the poisoning before too much damage is done.
- Excessive control over behavior
Being overly controlling in behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People who try to control your actions, decisions, or beliefs care more about what they want than what’s best for you. If a guy or girl tries to control what you wear or where you go, that could be a red flag.
In a healthy relationship, there is compromise and understanding about differences. No one person controls the other person’s actions.
- Lack of confidence
Trust is an important foundation in any healthy relationship. The main sign of an unstable relationship is when partners, friends, colleagues, or family members don’t trust you.
Of course, we all have doubts sometimes. But they shouldn’t stop us from trusting the people in our lives to do the right thing. Healthy relationships require trust on both sides.
- Feeling low self-esteem
The people closest to you should build you up, not tear you down.
When you love someone, you are obligated to support and lift them up. If you don’t feel that support from your partner, family, or friends, something has to change.
- Physical, emotional or mental abuse
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. It is easier to pick up on physical abuse. But emotional and mental abuse can be equally harmful in the long run. As with physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.
No one should ever use you as a scapegoat for their own problems. These matters should be dealt with in a constructive and fair manner. Abuse is never an acceptable response to a problem.
- Drug abuse
Substance abuse is a clear red flag. It indicates that the person suffers from impulse control and self-destructive habits. Depending on the substance, any relationship can quickly become toxic if addiction is present.
However, substance abuse is an illness and your loved one may need help. If you or someone you know is struggling, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help.
- Narcissism
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition characterized by an obsession with oneself and a misplaced sense of importance. It can manifest as delusions of grandeur, although not in a clinical sense. They do not suffer from detachment from reality, although it may seem so to people close to them. Narcissists believe the world revolves around them. And if anyone threatens this belief, unrest and chaos tend to follow.
Being romantically involved with an ego-driven narcissist can be stressful and traumatic. Their needs will always be considered more important than yours.
- Anger management issues
If someone close to you has anger management issues, you may feel threatened or insecure during the conflict. A lack of emotional regulation is a definite red flag for any relationship.
We should all feel comfortable enough with a partner or friend to tackle difficult topics without fearing for our safety. Anyone – man or woman – who uses anger as a means of intimidation is exhibiting toxic behavior.
- Interdependence
The interdependence and emotional labor that results from it may not always be toxic. But interdependence in relationships can be a pervasive pattern that causes problems such as emotional exhaustion and increased mental overload.
Codependency, or “relationship addiction,” occurs when two people rely exclusively on each other for emotional, psychological, and even physical support. This alienates them from their other relationships and can hinder personal growth.
- Inability to resolve conflict
People who avoid conflict may believe they are protecting the relationship from ruin. But in the end, it only leads to long-term passive aggression.
Although uncomfortable, constructively embracing conflict is a crucial component of all relationships. Without fruitful struggle, serious issues can never be resolved. This can lead to resentment and a waste of energy.
- Constant jealousy
It’s normal to feel jealous when your partner or friend spends a lot of time with others. However, this is not an excuse to allow her to cloud your judgment.
A person who is constantly jealous of your relationship with others cares more about what they want than your happiness.
- Gas lighting
Gaslighting is a common manipulation tactic and a red flag in any relationship. It is an insidious form of emotional abuse where the manipulator will cause you to question your sanity or judgment.
Gaslighting victims feel guilty regardless of whether or not they did anything wrong. Gaslighting is a definite red flag in any relationship.
- Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage emotions.
People with a low level of emotional intelligence are unable to pick up on your feelings or empathize with you. This often leads to unnecessary conflicts or manipulations.
- It negatively affects your relationship with family and friends
For many of us, our family and friends provide an important sense of community. It’s a big red flag if someone in your life is negatively affecting your relationship with the ones you love. Healthy relationships should not come at the expense of other healthy relationships. - Inability to communicate openly
One of the red flags in a guy or girl can be an unwillingness to communicate openly. Communication does not come easily to everyone. Feelings of confrontation, vulnerability, or a loss of control can keep individuals from speaking out. But if your partner is unwilling to try to communicate, that’s probably a red flag. - Lack of social contact or friends
Not everyone has a large circle of friends. Some people find it difficult to communicate with others. They may be dealing with social fears or shyness. But not having any close friends or relationships can be a red flag in a guy or girl.
