For many of us, family is one of the most important aspects of our lives. Whether it’s biological or chosen, it’s our family members who we depend on for support.
But like all relationships, there are dynamics at play.
Our family dynamics can greatly affect our mental health in both positive and negative ways. Because of this, it is important to understand how your family dynamics have shaped your personality.
Let’s explore some examples of healthy and less healthy (even toxic) family dynamics. Next, we’ll discuss how you can work to build positive family dynamics.
Our family dynamics can powerfully influence the way we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. In addition, it affects our behaviors, our well-being, and our working relationships. Our families are where we first learn how to relate to others.
But family is not destiny. Once we become aware of how our family affects us, we can take more control over whether those dynamics shape our perceptions and actions.
The dynamics in our families are not limited to the current living generations. It also includes previous generations, as we can still feel the effects of some of their traditions, structures and customs.
To better understand the meaning of family dynamics, we need to dig a little deeper. Various factors influence our family dynamics, including:
The ages of the family members
Personalities of family members
The relationship between parents in the family
The parent who is either relaxed or strict
One of the parents is absent
intergenerational homes
Job requirements for working parents
A family member suffers from a disability or chronic illness
Issues such as substance abuse or abusive relationships
The dynamics of the paternal and ancestral family
Events such as divorce, romantic relationships, trauma, grief, or unemployment and resulting job search depression
Safe or insecure family connections
Culture, ethnicity, and family values around gender roles and responsibilities
The power or prestige of family members
Type and level of influence from family members
6 Types of family dynamics
Different types of dynamics exist within each family system. They dictate how the family operates and the power roles played by parents and siblings.
Let’s take a closer look at six types of family dynamics:
- Authoritarian
Authoritarian dynamics can be summed up as being about following the rules without any exceptions. In this family dynamic, one family member is very dominant. They expect others to follow without negotiation or questioning.
Other family members are not allowed to participate in solving challenges and problems or to share their opinions. Failure to abide by the rules is usually met with punishment rather than constructive feedback.
For example, the head of the family sets the rules for when all family members must be home for dinner. If someone is late, he will be met with aggression and punishment.
- Reliable
Authoritarian dynamics also involve rules and consequences, but not in the same way as authoritarian dynamics. One individual makes the rules while validating the feelings of other family members and respecting their opinions.
The official family member remains in charge. They use positive discipline such as reward and praise systems to reinforce good behaviour. They do not use the threat of punishment for disobeying the rules.
Let’s look at an example of a nuclear family with a reliable family dynamic. Parents set clear household rules for their children, and explain the reasons behind these rules. Instead of saying, “Eat your vegetables because I said so,” say, “Eat your vegetables so you can help your body and mind grow.”
- Competitive price
In competitive family dynamics, family members are constantly competing with each other. There is a sense of competition within the family, as the members try to outdo their relatives. This competition can be for many things, such as attention, esteem, or power.
Competitive dynamics between siblings can occur when parents encourage their children to challenge each other. Another example is couples competing over their professional accomplishments, whether that be promotions, bonuses, or who has the highest salary.
- Not involved
When there are dynamics not involved, family members aren’t there for each other, even when they’re in the same room. Individuals do not really know what other family members are doing. There is often a lack of support and guidance.
For example, one spouse may be completely disinterested in his wife’s life. Instead of asking their partners how their day was or supporting them in times of need, they are dismissive and neglectful.
- Sectarianism
The presence of community dynamics affirms the family as a community in which everyone makes a contribution. Individual opinions are respected, and all voices are heard.
In a collective family structure, tasks are shared, and everyone helps set the rules and solve problems and challenges. All family members are encouraged to actively participate in making decisions and setting rules.
- On the basis of the alliance
Alliance-based dynamics cause family members to band together and compete with one another. Some family members form alliances in order to influence other family members. They agree to work together for the common good. This agreement may be express or implied.
For example, in a marital family, biological siblings may form alliances against their half-siblings. Or the child may form an alliance with one parent and pit them against the other parent or their siblings.
Family dynamics and self-awareness
The family dynamics of our childhood, as well as our current family dynamics, can influence our behavior, relationships, and work. One reason for this is that those dynamics can evoke different feelings. In some cases, it can lead to emotional labor.
These feelings can also be triggered if we find ourselves in situations with similar dynamics to what we experience in our family units. Self-awareness is key to understanding how our family roles affect us and our work. Many of us don’t realize how these dynamics affect our emotional health.
