Is there a co-worker you tend to avoid, or someone who leaves you feeling “bad” after spending time with them? You may have noticed that a particular colleague makes you feel drained. Or you have a palpable sense of dread every time you have to interact with a particular person.

Monsters may not be real, but emotional vampires sure are – and they can wreak havoc on your confidence, well-being, and productivity. Learn what emotional vampires are, how to spot them (both on and off the job), and how to deal with them. (No need for garlic, we promise.)

What are emotional vampires?

In mythology, a vampire is a creature that survives by feeding on the blood of other living beings. They are usually some kind of undead creatures, so they live forever, but they cannot survive for long in the sunlight. You probably won’t find many of them lingering in your workplace.

On the other hand, energy vampires thrive at work. This is because many of us wrap our identities around what we do for a living. We bring our whole selves to our jobs and measure our self-worth against our accomplishments. The emotional vampire feeds on what we care about most.

They may not drink blood, but like their mythical counterparts, emotional vampires sap the well-being, vitality, and confidence of those around them. They suck our energy and our passion. They may not be immortal, but their criticism and psychological damage can live on. Fortunately, highlighting their behavior is a great way to keep them at bay.

What do emotional vampires want?

Emotional vampires may or may not be aware of their behavior, but this does not make their behavior any less toxic. Their desire to distract from their own concerns leads to manipulation and emotional abuse of others.

By controlling the narrative to keep themselves firmly in the center (preferably in the victim seat), they ensure they never do wrong. These people are experts at avoiding responsibility for their actions and their lives.

Whether the person is doing it on purpose or not, the effects of emotional vampirism can have an impact on your mental health. Here are five types of emotional vampires and how to spot them by what they say and do:

5 Types of Emotional Vampires

Narcissists
Narcissists, named after another legendary favourite, seem incapable of talking about anything but themselves. Even if you’re upset or going through something difficult, they can’t distract themselves long enough to empathize with you — or even hear you.

This type can be especially difficult when you are in a close personal relationship with them. We tend to rely on the people closest to us to help us through a crisis. Narcissists are too emotionally immature and selfish to know when you need help.

“Have you finished whining yet? I haven’t even told you what happened to me.”

“It’s nothing—at least you’re not dealing with what I’m dealing with.”

drama lovers

Dramatic vampires are always in the midst of an emotional crisis. If something goes wrong in their life, they will belittle it or find something to complain about. If something is going wrong, that’s all you’ll hear about for days, weeks, or even months.

It doesn’t have to be a big setback, they can find a way to turn anything into a disaster. If you spend enough time with a dramatic person, you may hear them tell the same story dozens of times. Long enough, and you just might become a co-star in their drama.

“I think I’m excited to upgrade, but I’ll be in a higher tax bracket now.”

“How am I? What’s the last thing I said to you? Things just got worse.”

victims

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the victim. In fact, even when you have “hard evidence”, they will perform some impressive emotional and mental acrobatics to justify their behaviour. These types of people are very sensitive to perceived criticism and will attack you if you try to point out what they could have done differently.

Oftentimes, people with a victim mentality are more interested in empathy than solutions. You’ll find that victims don’t take advice very well and seem uninterested in solving problems. They always have a reason why it won’t work, so they see no point in trying.

“Do you blame me? If they had done their part, I would have finished on time!

“I wish something like this would work, but my boss would never accept that.”

consoles

If you’re talking to someone who makes you feel like there’s only one right answer, you’re probably talking to a controlling person. These types of people can make you feel like you have to get their approval for everything you do.

These energy vampires can be bossy or skilled in their manipulations. After talking to a controlling person, you often feel like you’re second-guessing yourself.

“I’m not going to put it like it is, but hey, maybe you know something I don’t.”

“You really should have talked to me about that first.”

speakers

People who talk excessively may dominate the conversation with their own opinions and viewpoints. If you get a chance to talk, they’ll quickly kick you out so they can go back to what they were saying.

These people always think about what they are going to say while speaking. If you ask them to, they can often read what you said but miss the nuances of it. Speakers find a way to return everything to its original point. They can’t handle silence.

“It reminds me – I have to tell you what happened to me.”

“You always interrupt me. You obviously don’t listen to anyone but yourself.”