Did you know that International Narcissist Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st?
The fact that society is raising awareness about mental disorder shows how much it affects us all.
In the United States, data shows that 10% of people suffer from the mental disorder “unscrupulous” or lack empathy.
The current Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5: the official book used to diagnose mental conditions) estimates the incidence of “narcissistic personality disorder as high as 6%”.
At Hack Spirit we believe that in order to protect yourself, you need to recognize the signs of a narcissist. So, read on.
A very long time ago…
About 3,000 years ago, to be more precise, the Greek gods wanted to punish a young man for his bad behavior.
Here’s what they did: They caused young Narcissus to fall in love with his own reflection in the waters of a lake (or perhaps a river).
Narcissus could not bear to tear himself away from his “love”.
The final result? He died on the shore of the lake (or perhaps on the banks of the river).
So, the idea of narcissism is not new at all. What is new is the view of narcissism as a personality disorder.
A (very short) history of narcissism as we know it
At the beginning of the 20th century, many people in the field of psychology began publishing articles on narcissism.
Two of the most important articles were written by Otto Rank and Sigmund Freud.
In the 1950s and 1960s two psychoanalysts, Otto Kernberg and Heinz Kohut, developed and expanded on the earlier ideas.
You can read more about the early days here.
Formal recognition of narcissism
Narcissism was included in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1980.
This meant that now, psychologists had specific criteria to help them make a definitive diagnosis.
What is narcissistic abuse? (Or what’s the big deal?)
Sneaky narcissistic abuse.
It often looks like loving, attentive care. However, this is just a camouflage.
The problem is that narcissistic abuse is not a one-time thing like a huge fight or spanking.
Instead, it is a gradual, incremental, carefully considered plan to control another person – you.
Why?
Narcissists are emotional vampires. Your strength, self-esteem, and mental strength are their food…and they’ll do almost anything to get food.
Narcissists will dominate and manipulate you. They will put the spotlight on you (make you believe what you know is real, it isn’t).
They will freely give lots of affection and love, and then withhold it, forcing you to beg for affectionate crumbs.
Narcissistic people are selfish and only seek personal gain.
Being dishonest, financially abusing, being possessive, making you feel guilty, and acting extremely jealous are all part of the “tools of the trade.”
Can we, as non-psychologists, identify a narcissist?
definitely. There are clear signs that someone is behaving in a narcissistic way.
But just to be clear…
We are all narcissists to some extent. Maintained at reasonable levels, many narcissistic traits can help us succeed in life.
Problems occur when these traits are abused or taken to extreme levels.
This article focuses on recognizing the signs of problematic narcissistic behavior under the following circumstances:
The person is a young adult or older.
Their behavior did not change over time and across situations.
Neither substance abuse (drugs, medications, alcohol, etc.) nor a general medical condition (severe brain injury, etc.) is the sole cause of this person’s behavior.
The World – According to an Explicit (Pronounced) Narcissist
Knowing how they think will help you identify the obvious and obvious signs of narcissistic behavior.
This is a window into the mind of a typical narcissist…
1) I am more important and better than you.
I have a very exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Also, I think I’m special, even unique, and should only hang out with the same kind of people and organizations. In other words, those who are equally special and unique.
Unfortunately, my sense of narcissistic self-importance is often empty and inflated. Why? Narcissists, like myself, do not have the accomplishments and talents to back it up.
As a result, we may do a lot (or even lie about) what we’ve achieved in order to justify our feelings.
Such “superior” beings, like myself, clearly deserve special treatment. If I didn’t get it, he might become impatient or angry.
What about the “normal” people you ask? These “lower” beings can be treated with contempt and contempt.
We may make fun of them, ignore their desires, and treat them with neglect.
You see, for narcissists, this is a good and necessary thing because belittling others increases our sense of self-importance and uniqueness.
Sometimes, though, reality creeps in, and we narcissists get into a bad mood or depression because our self-images don’t measure up to the facts.
2) My superiority, therefore, allows me to act in certain ways.
As a general rule, narcissists are conceited.
Because we are better than almost everyone else, we feel justified in behaving in arrogant or overbearing ways.
In other words, vain, full of hot air, ostentatious and pompous. Basically, we are the stars of the show who are always right.
I have little patience for people’s inferiority. If they waste my time, I am allowed to look down on them, belittle them, or even bully them.
If they make me angry, I will get angry and scream and swear as I like.
And speaking of language, I like to sharpen my communication with sexual language—talking foul language in and out of the bedroom.
Naturally, my superiority gives me a lot of merit.
I have the right to fulfill all my desires, needs and desires. This includes filling in my details if I don’t feel like doing a task for me.
Others need to give me special favors. They need to meet my expectations and give me the best of everything.
You may feel that my sense of entitlement is unreasonable, but since you are such a low person, what do you know?
Since I am qualified, it makes sense that I could take advantage of others for personal gain.
Unfortunately, people don’t always behave with me the way they should.
This causes major problems and stress. I can’t handle this at all. (Why should I?)
I also don’t like being flexible or adapting to change. (Again, why should I?)
3) I will not show you my weaknesses, even though they push me.
I will keep my excessive need for constant admiration a secret.
sympathy? I don’t have it, I don’t need it, but since people expect it, I’ll do my best to hide my lack.
After all, the only person’s feelings I should care about are mine. You got it, right?
You will never see how envious I am of others. Why should they have what I do not have – which I deserve?
Of course, others will envy me. Who wouldn’t want to be the superior person I am?
I will never reveal that my self-esteem depends on other people’s opinions.
This presents a problem as I am either completely satisfied with myself or in the dumps.
To get the approval I need so much, I will set specific goals. Unfortunately, I don’t always get it right which puts me in a bad mood.
Although seemingly calm and superior on the outside, on the inside I am insecure and vulnerable.
I am often ashamed and humiliated – though I will not let those escape through any cracks in my outer mask.
4) So the bottom line is, I have a somewhat twisted view of personal relationships.
My mind is occupied with delusions. I dream of unlimited success and power.
Related stories from Hack Spirit
10 signs your partner is preventing you from reaching your full potential in life
If someone exhibits these 14 behaviors, they are an emotional manipulator
7 Types of People You Should Leave Behind (For Your Own Good)
I imagine that I am a wonderful and perfect companion.
Naturally, I’m looking for the perfect partner – a superficial relationship with someone who will serve my self-esteem and maximize personal gain.
This means I have a lot of personal issues and troubled relationships, including being easily offended.
Controlling my feelings and behavior is a challenge.
Of course, this is not my fault. It is the fault of those inferior people I have to deal with.
This is why my relationships are unfulfilling, and people don’t enjoy being around me.
They also use “play” tactics to get what they want.
If you pay close attention, they can’t fool you.
1) Request a like
Covert narcissists often pay compliments in the back. Things like, “Dinner was surprisingly good.” or “I didn’t expect you to get that promotion – congratulations!”
They will intentionally downplay their own skills or accomplishments so that people feel the need to reassure them.
2) The blame and shame game
An introverted or covert narcissist will never blame you directly. It will make you feel small and guilty in softer ways.
For example, they make you believe they are the victims of something you did.
Instead of getting angry at their lies, you end up feeling sorry for your terrible behavior.
3) Are you sure?
The covert narcissist is an expert at making others second guess themselves.
When you are not sure of what you saw, did, believed, and felt, you are more likely to accept the narcissist’s self-serving undercurrent.
4) Hidden in plain sight
Overt narcissists are walking around in front of you to do what they want or need — and let you know it out loud.
Secret people just ignore you.
They pull “tricks” like canceling last minute, standing up for a date or a date and never confirming plans.
5) Goal-oriented generosity
The covert narcissist gives… when it benefits them.
Is the server at the table? A covert narcissist will leave a tip so everyone can see how awesome they are.
Do they give prizes for charitable work? This is just the nudge a covert narcissist might need.
Narcissists and social media
Like many people, narcissists post on social networking sites (SNSs).
Are there any signs that can help you avoid them on social media?
One study found that narcissistic college students tend to tweet on Twitter while adult narcissists prefer to post on Facebook.
Other studies have shown that both post frequency and number of followers have a positive relationship with narcissism.
In other words, the more frequently someone posts and the more followers they have, the more likely that person is to be a narcissist.
However, recent research calls into question all of these conclusions as it finds that social media use and narcissism are not significantly correlated.
Therefore, to a large extent a case of “buyer beware” (buyer beware).
Do you want more information?
Get your potential friend or partner to take a narcissistic personality inventory.
Is a little narcissism good?
They say you can’t have too much of a good thing, but the truth is that you can.
Lottery winners show us the problems of having a lot of money.
Overweight people give us examples of eating too much.
Exercise, sleep, people-pleasing, hand-washing, smartphone time, and vitamins are all examples of good things that can go bad in excess.
As strange as it may sound, narcissism in the right amount can be a really good thing.
That’s the logic…
in early childhood
Parents do not praise too much or too little. This right amount of praise helps the child develop a healthy personality, including high (but not excessive) self-love.
The end result is a positive self-image with high self-esteem — a bit of narcissism.
These children have excellent self-esteem. They know their value in society.
During the teenage years
Adolescence is a difficult time. Bodies grow and evolve. Lots of mental and emotional changes happen.
Teenagers are trying to figure out how and where they fit into the big picture.
Young people who can continually adapt in positive ways to life’s challenges will be more successful.
Teens who have developed a bit of narcissism will handle things better.
Even if your teen is very narcissistic, it’s probably fine. Research shows that this narcissism usually fades as he becomes a young adult.
as an adult
Adaptive narcissism is good for life.
It helps us maintain healthy habits because we take care of ourselves. This includes good nutrition, the right amount of exercise, adequate sleep, good grooming, and not abusing our bodies with drugs or alcohol.
When we are a little narcissistic, we can be independent and self-sufficient.
We are confident and can lead when called upon.
what do you think? Will you be able to spot a narcissist when you meet him?
Just to be sure, let’s review.
Narcissists tend to be in the spotlight, the stars of the show.
They dominate conversations and have an exaggerated sense of their own importance.
The narcissistic personality is low or has little empathy.
other people’s feelings? They just can’t/don’t notice or care.
They act like they deserve everything.
Narcissists deserve everything they want and the best of everything.
Narcissists get angry when criticized.
Makes sense because they are so superior, right?
They behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Narcissistic people are arrogant bullies who love to use dirty language even in public.
The narcissist lives in a fantasy world.
No substance, only dreams of greatness, with them in the leadership roles.
Narcissists feed on the admiration and praise of others.
They are vulnerable people with low self-esteem who need others to constantly cheer them up.
Finally, less obvious, covert narcissists are just as bad as their more obvious, overt colleagues.
While done in a seemingly sweet and gentle way, this type of narcissistic behavior is equally hurtful.
You may also like reading:
Toxic friends: 10 common signs and what you can do about it
3 ways to spot a malignant narcissist (and how to deal with them)
