Emotional blackmail is just as ugly and disgusting as financial or sexual blackmail.

Those who have experienced emotional blackmail know how easy it is for someone to twist your emotions and the good nature of tying you up in situations you weren’t even supposed to start with.

Here’s how to understand emotional blackmail and protect yourself from it.

1) It is never justified
Emotional blackmail is never justified.

This must be emphasized, because one of the most powerful weapons that an emotional manipulator has is making you believe that you are worth the push and pressure.

An emotional blackmailer will use his or her emotions or well-being as a stick.

They will tell you that you are responsible for how they feel, or you will be responsible for how they will feel if you don’t do what they ask.

An emotional blackmailer is rude, rude, and often narcissistic.

They are often highly skilled at convincing you that you are the one who is out of bounds or unreasonable, while at the same time placing increasingly intense and inappropriate demands on you.

The main tactic of emotional blackmail is gassing, which brings me to the next key piece of information.

2) Uses gas shamelessly
Emotional blackmail often relies on blackmail.

Gaslighting makes a person believe that what is happening is only in their imagination, or that it is of their own making.

A classic example is a cheating husband convincing his wife that she is out of line for being too suspicious and unreasonable in her accusations.

He acts so mischievous that even she suspects him, and he begins to convince her that she has a jealousy and insecurities problem that has nothing to do with him.

If this doesn’t work and the husband is caught fairly and equitably, he will then argue that his wife put him in a position where he feels he has no choice but to cheat because of her behavior or how she made him feel.

This is the kind of gaslighting that all emotional manipulators use in one form or another whether it be at work, at home, or in scams and cults:

“I am innocent in this situation and my needs and desires are reasonable. Even if I do something wrong, it is because your actions and behavior caused me to do so.”

minimum? You are evil and deceived, I am righteous and act from pure intentions.

The result: You get the short end of the stick and feel responsible for someone else’s feelings.

3) It is sometimes used by those you least expect
If the emotional blackmail just came from angry partners in a relationship or jealous co-workers at work, it can be easy to prepare for it.

The key thing to realize is that emotional blackmail often comes from those you least expect.

The pastor at the church may tell you that you need to start participating in more group activities and fundraising efforts because God has told him that you are losing your way and that He feels the “burden” of your indifference.

The salesperson at a store might start telling a sad story about what’s going on with his family, explaining that he needs to get a commission from the sale without actually saying it.

These emotional blackmail techniques aren’t exactly complicated, but they work.

They make you feel guilty and oftentimes you fall in line and do what you think you “should” do to help someone feel better or prevent a worse situation for them.

That’s why people do it.

4) Use weakness as ammunition
The next thing you need to know about emotional blackmail, so you can protect yourself is that it uses vulnerability as ammunition.

This is especially troublesome if you are in a romantic relationship with an emotional manipulator or someone close to you.

It is natural for us to open up and share our soul with those close to us.

Having that used against you is really annoying and can shatter your faith in humanity.

For example, suppose you open up to a close friend that you were abused as a child, and years later they are in financial trouble and need a loan from you.

They accuse you of being indecisive about lending money because you’re just a “sex abuser”.

Emotional blackmail that uses past pain to move you.

5) It mixes lies and fiction, truth and honesty

If emotional blackmail was just about trying to pressure you into doing things you don’t want in order to make someone feel good, it would be easy to spot and avoid.

But it is often based on partial truth.

A common example comes from the evening news, sponsored by corporations and government, which often includes an element of truth only to then lie outrageously.

For example, the truth may be told about the problems of the prison system but then used by the politician to say that punishing criminals is racist.

Another fact might be told about the improvement of the economy in a particular area and then pointed out as the reason why taxes should be cut for all the wealthy because they “help” the economy grow.

These types of manipulation are all too common in the political and media realm: they elicit an emotional response about something with elements of truth and then use it to spread a simplistic and authoritarian message.

6) It requires you to “prove” that you care or love someone
The core part of most emotional blackmail is the requirement to “prove” your love or commitment to someone.

Whether that’s a friend, spouse, or co-worker, the basic message is the same:

“Do this, say this, be this, feel this, or don’t really care about me, love me, respect me, believe in me.”

And so on and so on.

The goal of blackmail is to tie your compliance with your “loyalty,” or how much you care about someone.

This is really disingenuous and the worst thing is that it often works for even the most kind-hearted people who can’t stand the idea that someone might feel like they don’t care.

my advice?

So they let themselves be emotionally blackmailed.

Don’t be that person. Defend yourself against any attempt to “prove it” emotional manipulation.

7) Makes ultimatums and harsh “either-or” choices
The other important thing to know about emotional blackmail is that it is usually based on “either-or” choices.

Either you talk to me about my problem now or you clearly don’t really care about me.

Either you lend me money or I know you really don’t respect me.

Let me crash at your place for a week or you’re not a real friend.

This kind of emotional blackmail is bad stuff, but then again, people only do this because it works and because they themselves are lost in a narcissistic and insecure state of mind.

Don’t find yourself a victim. Withstands.

Someone who truly cares about you is not going to put conditions on you or treat your relationship as a transaction.

8) Its ultimate goal is to manipulate or control you
The key thing to understand about emotional blackmail is that it is all about control.

They use emotions to try to convince you to do what someone else says or wants.

Whether that other person is a political leader, your therapist, your friend, or your parent, it’s the same basic playbook.

You are told that you must comply with something to please another person.

The key is never to comply in the first place, because once you do, you’re going down a very victimized and unauthorized path.

As licensed psychologist Karen Doll says:

“It is a form of psychological abuse, one that harms the victims. Their demands are often aimed at controlling the victim’s behavior in unhealthy ways.”

No more emotional blackmail!
If you are being emotionally blackmailed, you need to put your foot down and leave.

This is not a situation that you should tolerate or accept.