It’s not just romantic relationships that can get you to the point where you’ve had enough. Toxic relationships can exist between friends, coworkers, or family members.
If they act like this without saying you will do what they want, there is a good chance that they may be using you.
When people use you, it can lead to feeling trapped in a relationship that makes you unhappy, but you keep going for one reason or another.
We’ll see how to tell if someone is using you, why others are using you, and what to do if this happens to you.
Why do people use you?
Selfish people use you for their own needs.
In a healthy relationship — built on a foundation of respect, empathy, and communication — they meet each other’s needs. Equality and kindness inform every aspect of this relationship.
People who use others for their own gain while ignoring your feelings think they deserve everything they take from you without giving anything back.
Some of them do it on purpose, and some of them don’t even realize that how they use peopl
For example, a family member who supposedly goes without saying that he will stay with you every time he has a business in town.
They never stop to ask or even think they might bother you.
Regardless of whether you really can’t do them a favor or are just trying to get away from the selfish people, if you don’t tell them once, they get mad at you for ruining their plans.
- absence of security
Insecurity is a feeling of inferiority or inadequacy, a lack of self-confidence, and a sense of isolation. Most people sometimes feel this way to some extent.
Highly insecure people are hostile, pessimistic, and needy.
They can end up channeling their feelings into their relationships and turn into manipulative people who use their insecurities as an excuse to lash out at others.
Take for example the friend who makes you feel bad about yourself every time you see them. Your day has been going really well, and suddenly you feel anxious and self-doubt.
If you’re not normally insecure but just around this person, chances are he’s taking out his fears on you to make himself feel better.
These are fake friends who hang out with you just to make you miserable the way their lives make them.
- Lack of strength
When some people lack control in certain areas of their lives, they become bullies in others.
Angry at their helplessness, these people look for an outlet where they can get it, usually on someone who shows them kindness.
An example of this is a selfish spouse who has problems at work and can’t do anything about it. This frustrates him and separates him from his family.
When he returns home, he is carelessly and manipulatively demanding of his wife. His dissatisfaction with his circumstances and his inability to do anything about it turns him into an emotional abuser.
- narcissism
At the root of narcissism is low self-esteem. Narcissists cover up these feelings with an intense sense of entitlement and superiority.
They believe that they are entitled to certain things and that it is their responsibility to obey others. In order to impress, they brag and exaggerate their accomplishments.
For example, a co-worker who gets credit for a project they were only marginally involved in while fully convinced of their story.
Narcissists don’t have friends. They live in a fantasy world where they are the best at everything, and everyone else doesn’t matter.
The coworker in question may be positive that their contribution was crucial and get angry if anyone suggests otherwise.
How do you know when someone is using you? 10 marks
If someone is using you, there is a good chance that you are already aware of it. Toxic people aren’t your true friends, and eventually, this came to light.
Someone like this might seem like a nice person at first, but in time, you will realize that something is wrong.
They may act like your best friend one moment and display passive aggressive behavior the next.
Hanging out with this person becomes a chore and gives you anxiety.
Is this person using you? Here’s how to tell when people are using you.
- It’s all about them
When you start to notice that your relationship is focused only on them, you will know for sure that someone is using you.
Everything revolves around their desires, interests and moods. You always only accommodate one person, and they are never there when you need them.
At some point, you realize that they see themselves as the main character, and you are their friend. You always do what they want to do and go where they want to go.
These people believe that others are completely unimportant, and basically, anyone will do as long as they serve them.
- They don’t listen
Your role in the relationship is to listen to their tales of their brilliance and speak up for anyone who isn’t acting up to their expectations.
You are there as an audience. Such a person will not listen to you but will expect you to listen to them.
They don’t really know anything about you because on the rare occasion that you get a chance to talk about yourself, they just don’t pay attention.
The only interest in your life they show is when they pretend to try to calm you down if they think you might start to rebel.
- They are responsible for the relationship
You’ll know you’re dealing with a toxic person if you can’t do anything on your terms.
You can only go out when it is convenient for them. They do not have time, or they are doing something more important.
Usually, they only call you when their other friends are busy, or if it’s a romantic partner, they only call you when they want to hook up.
You discover that they exclude you from things, and feel entitled to join in what you do.
There is no place for this kind of controlling behavior in a good relationship.
- They always want something
A friend of yours who disappears during the hard times when you need it most. No texts, no phone calls. When you meet each other, not even a “How are you?” Courtesy.
They only reach out when they need something, be it money, company, or attention.
They never spend time with you without expecting something, so when you can’t do anything for them, they just walk away.
And if you dare deny them what they want or ask for something in return, they react with anger and resentment.
- You always pay
This is clear. It is possible that the person using you will not access their wallet when it is time to pay.
It may happen little by little. At first, they just pay their share, then they forget their wallet a lot, and then it’s expected to be with you.
They ask to borrow money, showing what a good friend they are, they promise to pay you back.
They never do, of course
- They don’t value you
In equal relationships, both people believe each other is valuable, not because of the things they can get out of each other, but because they are people and deserving of respect.
If you help them or do them a favor, the other person will show gratitude and look for ways to make you happy, too.
The people who use you never show any appreciation. They don’t do anything thoughtful, offer no support when you need it, and make no effort when it comes to you.
They act like everything you do for them is because of them and they just ask for more without any shame.
- She’s manipulative
A person who is trying to use you for w
For example, they’ll do something small and then make it look like they’ve done you a big favor and make you feel like you owe them.
They will act nice when they need something but they won’t think twice before betraying your trust if it works for them.
A manipulative person will look for your weaknesses in an effort to undermine your self-esteem to make it easier to control you.
- They all talk
Your feelings, comfort and well-being are not important to someone using others, only their own.
They lack empathy and don’t consider the needs of others, so they won’t actually contribute to your relationship in any way.
They will make plans with you and immediately forget about it or say they will do something, but that never happens. If you asked for something they would say “ok” but ignore your wishes.
They will do as little as possible for you, only what is absolutely necessary to get what they want.
At some point, you will realize that they are liars and stop taking them seriously. After breaking their promises so many times, you obviously can’t trust them.
- They don’t respect your boundaries
If someone is using you, you will notice that they don’t care about your boundaries. They don’t care what you want or don’t want, and your self-esteem doesn’t matter to them.
When they want something that you consider unacceptable, they will ignore you. They don’t take no for an answer, and they will manipulate you so that you can’t say no.
These people will not hesitate to make you feel guilty for doing whatever they want. If you show resistance, they will spotlight you until you begin to doubt yourself and wonder if they are right after all.
If you say something about his behavior, the toxic person will get defensive and put it back on you, making you feel like you’re the problem.
- You feel taken advantage of
The biggest sign that someone is using you is your feelings.
When people use you, you start to resent them. They may present your relationship as normal, but trust your intuition.
Feeling uncomfortable and uneasy around someone usually happens for a reason. When our intuition tells us something, it usually means that we have come to a conclusion without consciously thinking about it.
If someone takes advantage of your kindness, pretends to care about you, and ignores your feelings, eventually you will start to hate them.
At this point, you may start to wonder where to go from here.
What do you do if someone is using you? 5 ways to end it
When you’ve had enough of a toxic relationship, you shouldn’t let the person who used you turn you away from kindness, but rather inspire you to demand respect.
Kindness is not a defect. Most people interact with it happily and spread that kindness to others.
There are some people, relationships, and experiences that may make it seem like sympathy suckers, but don’t let them discourage you from being kind.
How do you deal with those who use you
The scope of the problem may be different if you’re dealing with a selfish wife or a random bad person who has caused you grief, but the steps are generally the same.
- Realize that you are more than you can do for someone
You are good enough as you are. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should!
A person’s worth is not measured by what they can do for anyone else.
You should be given your time, attention, resources, or love freely and not out of a sense of duty. It is your choice what to accept and what to reject.
It is extremely important for your self-worth to realize that you don’t owe anyone anything.
- Create and enforce boundaries
Nice people are often the ones who get taken advantage of, but that doesn’t mean that being nice automatically makes you an easy target or a target.
Learn to say no.
First of all, you need to know your limits: what are the things you need and want, and what are you not going to accept?
You can still give and help while asking people to respect your boundaries. Be polite, but stand your ground.
- Expect equal relationships
If you think the person using you could be a true friend at some point, you probably want to fix the relationship, not end it.
You can start by addressing your problems. Contact the person, remind them that respect is a two-way street, and ask them to apologize and change their behaviour.
Some people who use others aren’t really harmful about it, and there may be hope for change.
However, focus your attention on their actions rather than their words.
- Order what you need
Asking for what you need is emotional self-care.
Everyone must be met, but until we announce them, others will not know what they are.
Most of the time, people in a healthy relationship are happy to provide things that the other person needs.
For example, your need for personal space, the need to talk to someone else when you’re having a hard time, or asking someone to respect your opinion.
If you want to get what you need, speak up.
- Get away
There may come a point where you realize that there is no helping it and that you will only be miserable if you continue the relationship.
You’re done with the other person, and it’s time to isolate them for the sake of your mental health.
It’s never wrong to remove yourself from a situation or relationship that’s making you unhappy.
Trust your instincts. You can see if the other person has your best interests at heart or is just there to take advantage of you.
If they don’t feel bad about using you, you shouldn’t feel bad about walking away.
When people use you quotes
- “Hate is not the opposite of love. That is use. Usage is abuse of love; in fact, it betrays love. When we use another person, we put his needs below our own, but worse, we put his value and dignity below our own.” – Leah Darrow
- “What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things rather than use people and love things.” – Zelda Fitzgerald
- “Trust is built when someone is vulnerable and not being taken advantage of.” – Bob Fanurek
- “Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain circumstances.” Susie Kasem
- “People know who can walk and who can’t. If someone is walking all over it, it’s because they know you’re going to put up with them.” — Sonia Parker
- “You’re sick of being used; you’re sick and tired of my accusations. Now I’m going away from you. And I’m not going back.” – James Morrison
- “If you can’t be better than yourself, someone else will.” – Evan Essar
- “Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.” — Erich Fromm
- “There is no such thing as a people who are all bad or even all good. Everyone chooses. But even they, even they have looked at people and only seen tools. No one drinks from another.” — Katherine M. Valiente
- “The more you are at everyone’s disposal, the more rubbish you feel.” – Christine E Szymanski
Something small
When people use you, it can be annoying at best and permanently emotionally damaging at worst.
With people who take advantage of others, a certain pattern of behavior can often be seen: selfishness, lack of judgment, and a tendency to manipulate you.
To protect yourself and still be able to extend kindness to others, you can protect yourself by being firm about your personal boundaries.
