While exploring the topic of narcissistic abuse, I came across a new term: narcissistic baiting.
In one of my older posts, I listed several common abuse tactics by narcissistic parents and their effects on their children. Some of these abuse tactics fall under the umbrella term known as narcissistic baiting.
If your father was a narcissist, the bait will probably be familiar to you, although you may not be familiar with the term.
Did your parents make subtle implications or threats to scare you? Do they often make promises to you that they won’t keep just to hurt you? Do they call you names or criticize you to make you emotional so they can make fun of you even more?
If you answered yes to any or all of the above, then you have been subjected to narcissistic temptation. In this post, I will discuss what narcissistic bait is, the types there are, and how you can deal with each one.
What is narcissistic baiting?
As a definition, bait means to lure, catch or lure someone or something. When baiting is associated with people, it is defined as “to intentionally annoy or taunt (someone).”
In a psychological sense, baiting occurs when someone intentionally acts in a way to elicit, provoke, or evoke an emotional response from anyone they interact with. In this case, the narcissistic parent is trying to “bait” their child.
Bait is often used when someone wants to start an argument or some kind of conflict with another person.
The narcissist “baits” his victim by doing or saying things on purpose to annoy or ridicule them. They may also do this to get their victim to do whatever they want. They often use bait as a way to constantly assert their strength and superiority in a relationship.
Types of narcissistic baiting and how to deal with them
There are different types of narcissistic baiting and many of them overlap with each other. I will focus on seven common things in this post.
Again, these types of narcissistic baits are used to elicit some kind of emotional response or reaction from you. Chances are, you’ve fallen for them many times before.
heal
Panic-inducing, also known as fear-inducing, is any attempt by a narcissist to attempt to instill fear and anxiety in you or others.
Your narcissistic parent is likely aware of your specific fears, fears, or fears. And it’s just like when they try to use it against you. It is a form of emotional blackmail – using your emotions and vulnerabilities against you to manipulate you.
This type of narcissistic bait often includes some kind of threat or implication of the threat.
Their threats may include revealing something embarrassing about you to others that you don’t want others to know. Or they may threaten to harm or destroy something important to you, such as physical possession or a relationship.
Your narcissistic parent may also indicate that things will go wrong for you if you cross or betray them.
How to deal with bullies
It can be difficult to deal with a narcissist’s panic-provoking as he plays into our fears. And who knows what a narcissist can do? There is not much you can do to try to stop narcissists from carrying out their threats. Even if you obey them this time, they can continue to use it against you whenever they want.
Therefore, it is best to consider limiting or even cutting off contact with your narcissistic parent if you have not already done so.
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The less they know about you and the less they have access to what’s going on in your life, the better way to protect yourself from panic-inducing them.
Also, a narcissist may make a lot of threats, but many times, they are just words. However, if the threats are serious, it may be necessary to get the police or the law involved, even if you think they won’t follow through. Try to get some kind of proof because narcissists are good at manipulating others into siding with them.
intrigue
Intrigue is a narcissistic seduction tactic to attract others.
This type of bait usually includes a vague or brief snippet of information, comment, or story that is meant to arouse your anxiety or intrigue. The narcissist may or may not explain further, prompting further anxiety and intrigue.
Your narcissistic parent may try to seduce you by claiming that they have information about things that you don’t have access to and that you care about.
They may claim to know something about that job you’re interviewing for, the place you’re moving to, or that person you’ll meet for coffee for the first time. Or they claim to know certain information about someone or something that might be useful or helpful to you.
However, the narcissist intentionally does not give you any specific or clear information. It is up to you to go after them for that.
Most of the time, your narcissistic parent doesn’t have any secret, inside, or private information that you don’t know about. They will just tell you they do and make you believe it to feed you.
And when you go after them for more details, you’ve taken the bait. And they know now that whatever they stabbed you with is something you care enough to go after them for.
How to deal with the plot
As humans, we have a natural curiosity about things, especially things we care about. This is what the narcissist is counting on.
Whenever you feel tempted by your narcissistic parent to ask for more information, remind yourself who you’re dealing with.
Even if you get more information from them, is it information you can trust?
Narcissists tend to lie, exaggerate, or intentionally leave out information to support their narratives. So chances are, anything they tell you is unreliable to begin with. This is likely just another of their baiting techniques.
false accusations
With this type of narcissistic baiting, the narcissist will falsely accuse you of something they may or may not believe about you. As with other forms of bait, their purpose is to elicit a reaction from you.
When we are falsely accused, our natural response is to defend ourselves. But this is exactly what the narcissist wants. They want us to deny, justify or correct their accusations. And when we do, it signifies that they have reached out to us.
However, the problem with this type of bait is that it can also lead to smear campaigns.
When the narcissist cannot get a response from us using false accusations, they try to do so by spreading those false accusations to other people. This is where it gets messy.
Defamation campaigns are when a narcissist gets around to defaming your name, trying to damage your reputation.
They may do this to get a reaction from you or to get you to end any contact with them.
Most of the time, this is the type of bait that many people fall into because it has the potential to negatively affect their lives. A narcissist’s smear campaign can end relationships, destroy jobs, or even destroy lives.
How to deal with false accusations
It is important to remind yourself that narcissists will believe or not believe what they want. There is no change in their opinion.
Trying to defend yourself against their accusations just shows them that they get under your skin, and that’s something they enjoy doing.
When a narcissist falsely accuses you of something, simply say, “I didn’t do that.” And if they’re using all the annoying ways they can to be persistent, say something along the lines of, “We both know the truth. But believe what you want” and end there.
However, smear campaigns are a bit more complicated. At this point, ignoring or distancing the narcissist may not be enough because they are involving other people. It may affect your life.
In this case, it is important to collect all possible evidence to prove your innocence or refute their accusations. Legal action may be required depending on how far your narcissistic parent is willing to go.
Tripping guilt
Another type of bait that narcissists often use is guilt.
They may blame you for their unhappiness or whatever is going on in their life at the moment. Or they do it to get you to do whatever they want.
Narcissists may feel guilty for playing the victim. This is a tactic also known as self-pity drama.
With this kind of baiting, they are trying to arouse your sympathy and sympathy. Their purpose is to associate you with the role of caregiver or savior.
The problem with guilt-tripping is that it’s often obvious and you know when it happens. But they are effective because they prey on your good nature and compassion.
And when it’s our parent who wants to help us with something, we usually want to do everything we can to help them or at least get rid of the guilt we feel. And so, we take the bait.
How to deal with tripping over guilt
Remind yourself that a narcissist feels no guilt. They will feel guilty for you all day, every day. But if you do the same, you are being accused of manipulation, abuse, or selfishness.
It can be easy to fall victim to their guilt-tripping, especially when they know exactly how to fight our hearts out. Or they just know how to pull our strings to get us to do whatever they want.
But try to see through their “poor guy” facade and don’t give up. Remind yourself of all the times they hurt you.
Giving in to them only reinforces them to continue using this baiting technique to manipulate and hurt you further.
False hope
This type of narcissistic bait is basically what the name suggests – giving you false hope of something like bait to manipulate you into doing what they want. It is as if they are hanging your desires on a thread to tie you to them.
They may make false promises about how they will do something for you or how they will give you something if you do something for them first. But oftentimes, once a deal is finalized, you will never see your deal.
falsehope is often associated with digging.
Hoovering is when you want to limit or cut off contact with the narcissist and they do and say anything and everything to suck you back in. They promise to change or treat you better, and once you fall for that, they abuse you again.
How to deal with false hope
Remind yourself of the many false hopes your narcissistic parent has created in you over and over again. Tell yourself this is just another one of those times.
They will never change, and any of their promises are simply empty or wrong.
It can be helpful to write physically every time he wronged you or promised you something but never delivered.
Pulling out this list of false hopes they have instilled in you can prevent you from falling into this baiting tactic again.
Procrastination
Stalling is a type of passive aggressive behavior that includes the silent treatment and body language that appears angry, upset, or hostile. However, the person does not express those feelings directly.
It is possible that your narcissistic parent has blocked you by ignoring you, giving dismissive or void responses, or responding vaguely to what you say or ask.
Procrastination makes you feel anxious, fearful, and self-doubt. And this is exactly what the narcissist thrives on. They feel as if they can control and manipulate how you feel.
Your narcissistic parent may also block you, give the silent treatment when you are, or feel like you are calling them out on their abusive and manipulative behavior.
How to deal with procrastination
Instead of taking the bait and chasing after them, focus on yourself. Remind yourself that procrastination makes you feel bad and drags you into their vicious cycle.
It can be difficult because we desire love and affection from our parents, and we are naturally drawn to doing everything we can to earn that. But try to focus on your self-care.
If they loved you, they wouldn’t treat you that way. And you may not think so, but you deserve better than that.
Once you stop giving them any attention, they will likely crawl back to you to try their other methods of seduction.
Trigger an emotional response
Narcissists love to get a lift from people, especially their victims. They do this by intentionally bringing up sensitive or vulnerable topics.
And when you are raised by a narcissist, they usually know very well your emotional triggers. So they can easily use it against you whenever it suits them.
Your narcissistic parent may intentionally motivate you so that they can then bring you down, shift blame, place blame, neutralize you, or manipulate you.
It may be common for your narcissistic parent to do this to you before an event or date important.
It may also prompt him to make you look like the abuser or “crazy” instead of how he or she looks. They make you seem hypersensitive to other people because they have designed this subtle facade for the rest of the world around being a loving, caring parent. Interestingly, they make you look like a narcissistic person.
For example, my mother did this to me at a huge family dinner once. It was affecting my weight, appearance, and intelligence. Strangers couldn’t read between the lines and hear all the insults about me. But I can.
I ended up crying in front of everyone despite trying hard not to. And here I am – a squeamish and spoiled brat who can’t appreciate being “praised” by her mother in front of others.
How to handle the trigger
I think this is one of the hardest things to deal with, at least for me. While I do my best not to react, it’s hard when some things trigger emotional flashbacks I can’t control.
What you can do in this scenario is to excuse yourself from the situation. You can also do this before things go south. You may have a feeling that an argument is about to explode, or that your father is about to do something to hurt you.
Once you’re out of the situation, try going somewhere where you’re best alone or with someone you trust, and practice some self-care.
Conclusion
The narcissistic bait keeps you constantly off balance. It’s a very emotional type of abuse that can really affect you. It makes you feel confused, uncertain, suspicious, anxious, disorganized, guilty, afraid, and frustrated.
However, learning to recognize their seduction tactics is the first step in being able to stay grounded in your reality. Remind yourself of what his intention is and what you can do to protect yourself. Notice how catching them makes you feel and what you can do about it.
Remember, when it comes to your narcissistic parents, any kind of reaction they can get out of you about them is a “win” for them. It’s the way they feel better about themselves. So try as much as possible not to interact.
Stop and take a break. Listen to your feelings and needs and attend to them appropriately. Then, if necessary, respond after thinking about it.
