Narcissists will rarely admit it, but all of your worst fears regarding your relationship are happening under the radar of your awareness.

You know that constant, vague feeling of dread you get in your stomach, wondering if they’re lying or are they telling the truth? It is your intuition that can cause physical sensations in the body.

They’re called our “gut feelings” for a reason—research suggests that emotion and intuition are largely rooted in the gut’s “second brain.” Says Michael Gershon, professor, and chair of the Department of Pathology and Cell Biology at Columbia University, “The gut can operate independently of any control by the brain in your head—it acts like a second brain. It is another independent center of integrative neural activity.”

But don’t take my word for it. You can read all about Psychology Today in an article titled, Your Spare Brain.

My job here is to give you a breakdown of how the narcissist in your life – using very specific techniques of psychological manipulation – lies in your face while keeping hidden secrets that will bring you to your knees. Below, I chart the four most common lies of narcissistic husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, and partners of varying degrees of intimacy—and the secrets they keep from you.

Narcissistic lies and mind games

Lying #1

“Baby, I would never do that to you. You mean so much to me. You and I are soul mates, remember? I would lie down and die for you. The fact that you’re even suggesting I’ve been unfaithful is more than I can bear.”

Hidden Secret – They Do It To You Frequently. Those messages they receive at inappropriate times, the hypervigilance of keeping a passcode on their phone’s home screen, the strange disappearances, the snake-like aura…these are all signs that they are still seeing their ex (or co-worker, boss, neighbor, etc.) They are telling them the same lie mentioned above as they are telling you. Don’t be fooled by the excessive charm and candy-coated lies. You might want to start writing everything down so your logical mind can make the connections and see the patterns your brainwashed mind ignores.

Lying #2

“I never made that promise. I have no idea what you are talking about. You misunderstood what I said.” Or, “I don’t remember that specific conversation, but everything you said wasn’t meant the way you understand it.”

Hidden Secret – You remembered it correctly, and you got it right. This is a classic example of gaslighting. Whatever promise the narcissist made to you is a blatant lie committed during an episode of rage, or a cover-up to cover up another lie you discovered to divert your attention away from the fact that they were lying.

Lying #3

“I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I’m a sex/porn addict. I’ve been trying to work this out, but I thought I’d have to be honest with you just in case it came up. I hope you can work me through this issue. Don’t give up on me, baby. I swear It is not a reflection of my feelings for you.”

Hidden Secret – The narcissist has absolutely no intention of changing this little habit of their own. He just threw the card on the table so that if you shuffle it into the meld, you have no sanctuary when it appears (and it will). This is another planned behavior of the vulnerable, and narcissists (generally of the overt, physical, theatrical kind) say this to every single one of their partners. Why? Because they’re at the heart of online dating and porn sites, snapping left and right, sending pics of their nether regions to different prospects, serial cheating, engaging in bisexual “curiosities,” and sometimes…even pedophilia. It’s only a matter of time before you find out, and he wants to pave the way for when that happens.

Lying #4

“I was thinking about what you said. I know it’s important to you, so I decided to go to counseling.”

Hidden Secret – This is a trick to keep you in the queue for as long as humanly possible. In all of my time studying narcissism and working with clients, not a single case had a happy ending due to the “self-searching human narcissist’s decision to go to counseling.” Their victim usually ends up needing their treatment because of the tricks and mind games that ensue.

I wish I had better news, but you can spend the next 10 years of your life negotiating, bargaining, teaching, begging, crying, and creeping, but you won’t make a narcissist see your point. Not only will they see your point, they will continue to carry out all of the aforementioned atrocities in ten years, plus ones you won’t even know about. It’s all part of narcissistic mind games.

I think you deserve better.

I think the nicest thing to do for yourself is to take a few days to reflect on what your relationship brings you on a heart and soul level, start listening to your intuition, and make your decision to stay or leave accordingly.