The narcissist lies to control you.
People who find themselves in confusing relationships with narcissists and other users are often baffled by what their ambiguous partners really mean… they wish they could figure out what’s going on in the confusing partner’s mind once and for all.
The reason it is so confusing is that most of what comes out of a narcissist’s mouth are lies. The lie the narcissist uses to control you.
If you find yourself asking the following questions, you’re a Shady Shizzle recipient:
How can they say something when it’s painfully obvious that they don’t really mean it? Why are they so dishonest? How can they say one thing and do another? How can his actions not match what comes out of their mouths? Why can’t they be real with me? How does it seem that no matter what I do, it’s never enough to please them?
Narcissists, as morons as they are, are quite clever at one thing – keeping their targets in a permanent “redemption possibility” stage, which is really nothing more than a double-edged tool designed to destroy their target’s self-esteem (thereby ensuring that they stay with the narcissist) and keep them They work towards that pie-in-the-sky relationship that everyone dreams of (unless, of course, he’s a narcissist).
Narcissists do in fact give hints as to what their true motives are…but for those of you who may not have yet discovered these subtle clues, I provide below a generous sample of the translations so you can make an informed decision regarding the future of your relationship.
Shady Shezel Translator
(To wit – when you hear these comments, interpret them to mean that the person in question will cheat and/or abuse or continue any such variations. The narcissist lies to control you, but with the following translations, you will know exactly what they are going to do)
I’ve never been a good boyfriend/girlfriend/husband (I won’t be loyal or check in with you regularly)
I don’t think I can be the person you want me to be (ergo, don’t complain about my behaviors if you choose to stay involved with me)
I haven’t had a full break from my ex (ie we’re still having sex)
I have a very busy career (i.e. expect late nights and be away for hours unrelated to my work)
I can’t tell anyone about us because I hold a high-profile position (I’m cheating on my partner with you – OR – I just want you for a sporadic bonus)
I just need more time – to quit cheating, drinking, being unemployed, doing drugs, spending your money, __ fill in the blank (I want you to think I have plans for a change, but that miraculous change will always be pushed to some point in the distant future)
Can we just keep things casual? (I don’t want to commit and I don’t want you to expect that from me)
I’m confused about my feelings for you (I want to give the appearance of being “confused” to make up for the lack of contact, seeing others, and being ignored while I keep coming over for occasional sex)
I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us but I still care about you and don’t want to lose you completely (ie, I don’t want to put any effort into the relationship or your feelings, but I’d love to be “friends with benefits”)
I’m not really capable of loving anyone (so if you wanted to be in a relationship with me, it would be on my terms, which would include cheating, ignoring, and disappearing for hours, days, or weeks)
Serious relationships always scare me and I always do something to screw them up (I want you to think I have origin issues so you’ll forgive me for being a bastard)
You have such high standards/values/ethics. I can’t believe you would give someone like me the time of day. (I want you to believe that your love will conquer all things so that you will patiently lead by example and await my miraculous transformation which will always be elusive).
I am sorry about my sex/porn addiction, but it does not reflect my feelings for you, my love. Are you going to abandon me after all we’ve been through? (This so-called “addiction” will never cease to exist because I enjoy supplementing our sex life with other partners and porn, but I want you to think that I care about the fact that it hurts so you will stay in my life as a matter of convenience).
You’re too good for me (I say this so you’ll think I see you as a unique, caring, and compassionate person while I keep doing unacceptable things, all because I’m not as good as you)
I’m sorry I keep hurting you / I don’t want to hurt you (I hope you think I’m a caring person in my heart, but my behaviors are beyond my control because of my past “hurt.”
You’ve stopped caring about yourself (I’m bored and need excitement and extracurricular stimulation)
I don’t want to lose what we have (I don’t want to lose what I have, which is the ability to do anything I want, but still have to come back to it when I need to eat or sleep)
I’m not ready for a relationship (but, I know if you keep hinting otherwise, you’ll keep trying to prove what good relationship material you are)
I don’t want to lose you as a friend (any friend has benefits)
Oh, she? She’s a co-worker and I’ve been helping her with her marital problems (by showing wink the attention she thinks she’s not getting from her husband)
What happened to the fun, cute guy I used to know? (You know, the one who is not yet aware of the cheating, lies, porn habits, and shady business dealings)
Sure, we could break up, but you’ll never find someone like me who will put up with your craziness, your instability, your drama, your crying spells, __ fill in the blank. (I’m staying with you because I know I’m the reason you act this way, and when you do it proves to me that conditioning and mental abuse work, which is good news for me because it means you’ll stay with me for that ever elusive validation)
It is important to realize that no amount of prayer, begging, crawling, or the law of attraction will improve your doomed relationship. If you’ve heard these ambiguous messages from your toxic partner, take it as an unequivocal sign that you’re with someone who will never give you the love, respect, or attention you want from them—and the longer you stay with them, the longer it will take to get out, heal, and find the one who ( Sincerely) loves you for you.
