Being the target of narcissistic hate is the most confusing experience you will have in your life. It is made of paradoxes, opposites, and sleight of hand.

Just when you think you’re out of the nightmare, you wake up in the middle of another nightmare with no relief in sight.

It’s soul-shattering to give your all to a narcissist and feel like you’ve finally made some progress in getting through to them, only for them to slap you in their most hated and cruel ring yet.

It’s like they hate you to your core. As if they could hardly stand being in the same room with you or breathing the same air as you…and they might have told you this in so many words, but you are so shocked by the sheer malevolence in their voice during these episodes, that you have a hard time remembering everything they said.

The irony is that when things seem to be over, and you’ve accepted in your heart and soul that it’s time to move on, the narcissist reverts to being seemingly gentle, perhaps even affectionate.

It’s very confusing. Why do they do that? Are they a tormented soul so wounded they can’t help it? Is there anything at all that you can do to talk to the wounded inner self that the narcissist seems to be hiding, buried so deep within him?

As someone who loves a narcissist, it is usually easier to believe that they have no control over these conflicting behaviors. We can identify with what we think is their inner pain…but that’s a story we tell ourselves. A story that engages us in a whirlwind cycle of insane highs and lows that ultimately drains us of our souls.

The sad truth about narcissistic hate

The reason you have found yourself the target of narcissistic hate is because they view love as a weakness and as such, it repels them.

But at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. That’s why they seem to hate you but they won’t let you go so easily.

The narcissist views you as a weak follower; which provides them with a wonderful supply. So, even though they don’t care much about you as a person, they don’t want to give up the added benefits that come with being in a relationship with you… albeit a tortured one.

They will not let you go because you provide them with the things they need to survive as a narcissist. These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking charge of adult obligations, cleaning up their many messes, staying with them while they go about their affairs, and providing them with a suitable receptacle when they need to vent all their pent-up negative energy and anger on someone.

Therefore, it does no good to show your vulnerability to narcissists, moreover, why do they seem to hate you even more when you show your very human feelings?

They want the benefits without all of the damage control. They want you to be cool about all of this and go back to the person you were before you found out who they were.

That’s why, when you’re trying to make them see how they hurt you, it makes absolutely no sense. It is during these moments that you see the true essence of the narcissist’s personality…and it’s pretty chilling.

However, in your mind, you love and relate to them, and so you try to humanize them, believing that they should think and feel the same way you do but have a hard time showing it.

This is not the case.

They are not like you and no amount of unconditional love will change that fact. When we persist in believing that the narcissist is like us, we create a story in our mind, writing the script as we move forward, believing that with enough love and compassion, we will finally break through to the narcissist’s wounded self.

This will never happen and it is important to accept this painful fact to get over a narcissist.

Narcissists like to blame others for their bad behavior. In return, you may respond by being more supportive, understanding, kind, or compromising to convince the narcissist to stop their infidelities and meanness.

Instead, what happens is that patterns of deception and denial are established. This may be to avoid narcissistic hatred or keep the peace, proving to the narcissist that you are not the psychopathic lunatic they say you are, but beneath the surface, it is an emerging system of empowerment.

A system that narcissists make from the start.

The truth about when things look normal

It is essential to understand that when a narcissist is being nice, it is an integral part of the abuse. Bonus, if you will, for smashing their latest attack under the rug and getting back to your sweet self. The one who will smile at them while they continue their normal, regrettable behaviors as if everything is in bloom.

Plus, they understand that if they give you a glimpse of the person they pretended to be when you first met them, you’d do everything in your power to keep the golden illusion alive…the illusion that things can be just as they once were.

All while continuing to be the object of their narcissistic hatred. This is how the bonds of trauma become stronger over time.

If you go with this mirage, you’ll be like the legendary solitary traveler who thinks he’s found water in the desert, only to find that he’s traveled deeper into the middle of nowhere with nothing around to sustain life.

How to begin to heal your life after narcissistic abuse
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