In this session with Bernadette Logue, (Transformation Life Coach focused on personal growth and positive living), we talk about how to recognize narcissistic behavior in relationships.
We cover:
- 8 signs of narcissistic behavior
- Warning behaviors/words that act as red flags so you should be aware as soon as possible
How to recognize narcissistic abuse in your relationship
8 Signs you are suffering from narcissistic abuse:
People often do not realize when they are experiencing narcissistic abuse. Usually, they first realize that their partner has ceased to be as loving as he was at the beginning of the relationship. And despite making valiant efforts to satisfy the partner’s increasing complaints and demands, reviving the relationship is never enough. They may start to google questions trying to determine why their partner is behaving a certain way.
These questions might include: “Why is my partner ignoring me?” , “Why is my partner lying to me?” , “Why does my partner make me anxious?”
Then somewhere along the way, they discover the term “narcissistic abuse.” Even then, it can take months for them to come to terms with the possibility of being involved with a narcissist because by that point, a phenomenon called “cognitive dissonance” has developed. In addition, they reach a point of self-doubt due to the psychological manipulation that narcissistic individuals use.
8 Signs of narcissistic abuse
1 – You constantly obsess about your partner and feel insecure about yourself
Do you obsess for hours, wondering what you did wrong and what exactly changed in you that caused your relationship to plunge into an upward spiral of despair?
Are you unable to function at work, or worse, barely able to function as a parent because you are immobilized with feelings of vulnerability and fear of what your partner is up to?
Do you always feel the dreadful knot of fear of abandonment in your stomach, the dread that your relationship is on thin ice and in danger of plunging into the deadly aquifer below?
Sure, you may have dealt with insecurity or suffered from low self-esteem before, but it was always a fleeting moment that you pulled yourself out of. Now, after meeting your partner, you feel like a relic of society, despite your successes and achievements.
If you feel worthless, depressed, insane, suspicious, and unable to function in your daily life, this is an indication that you have narcissistic abuse syndrome, which is an undeniable sign that you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
2 – You have been encouraged to separate from your friends and family
Sometimes, a person in a relationship can become possessive. A possessive person is telling you that he cares about your safety, and that his possessive behavior proves that he loves you. Taken to the extreme, possessiveness causes you to isolate yourself from the people you know and love. The goal of solitude is to control you by breaking down your emotional will to resist.
Isolation is used by cult leaders to prevent their followers from having contact with outsiders, including their family and friends. Likewise, narcissists try to isolate their partners in order to deprive them of social support, thus weakening their defenses and making them more dependent on the narcissist.
In addition, the desire for solitude may be caused by the partner’s insecurity. They may project this insecurity on you by trying to control everything you do, who you meet, and where you go. They may try to make you feel guilty for enjoying yourself or making friends.
It is important to remember not to deal with this excessive insecurity because it is disabling and you will lose yourself in the process.
3 – You are a persistent verbal target
Regular verbal attacks on your personality and value destroy your self-esteem. Constant verbal attacks may cause you to put aside your most important ideals and beliefs.
Verbal abuse is characterized by critical or derogatory remarks about you as a person. If your partner is constantly putting you down and making you feel unworthy of self-respect, this is a warning sign that something is definitely wrong. Verbal abuse can escalate into sexual or physical abuse if you avoid taking action to protect yourself.
It is also one of the biggest indicators of narcissistic abuse. When a narcissist becomes abusive, she will likely start making errors of reasoning because of the constant verbal abuse.
4 Threats have been made to either harm or kill your pet or worse, they have already done so
This may seem obvious, but I’ve worked with coaching clients whose partner has harmed or killed a beloved pet…and yet, they’re still in the relationship.
If the narcissist in your life harms or kills your pet or farm animal, this needs to be taken very seriously, especially if you have children at home. Not only does this point to the fact that your children could be the target of this psychopath at some point, it will be extremely harmful to your child’s emotional and mental well-being, scaring them for life.
If this happens, contact your local domestic violence center immediately for laws in your state and guidance on how to leave the relationship safely.
5 – Your child is beginning to perform poorly in school
If you have children and live with an abuser, your children are at risk of developing brain abnormalities that can cause aggression, depression, symptoms of ADHD, and other forms of mental illness.
Recent studies using brain scans have shown that chronic stress, negative thinking (caused by emotional abuse), and spending time with unhealthy people actually damage the brain!
It shrinks the hippocampus and prevents the formation of new neurons. Simply put, chronic emotional abuse and living in a high-stress environment not only kills existing neurons, but also prevents new ones from forming, leading to cognitive impairment or memory problems.
So, if your child doesn’t seem to be doing well in school, you can blame that on living in a toxic environment.
But even worse, it leads to PTSD, which is one of the most difficult injuries to treat as it gets stored throughout the brain. One of my readers recently wrote to tell me that all of her children had been diagnosed with PTSD, and she shared how she regretted remaining in an abusive environment.
The bottom line here is that toxic stress disrupts children’s healthy development and can affect brain development, with potential long-term consequences for learning, behavior, and health.
You can see, then, how the old adage “staying together for the kids” is not only harmful on so many levels, it is at the root of the generational dysfunction that has fueled an epidemic of depression, anxiety, and wounding adults. in our society today.
6 Your partner constantly points out the things they “don’t like” about you
Oddly enough, it may be the same things that I love about you at first. Narcissists take care of their targets by claiming to love everything about them…the way they dress, their hairstyle, their interests, their taste in music, and their love of the arts.
Then shockingly, the things I once loved about you become the reasons they decided you weren’t compatible anymore.
The reason this manipulative tactic has such a profound impact on your self-esteem is that you’ve spent a significant portion of your life developing your own preferences, interests, personality, and personal style. Along the way, you’ve become comfortable in your own skin. Then, someone came along who seemed to love every little thing about you. In fact, the two of you seem to have many things in common.
Then slowly, like dismantling a jigsaw puzzle, they start taking little bits of you away by claiming they are unbearable. The things that mean the most to you.
True love does not take away the things that make up your identity. does not detract from you. If you feel like you can’t do anything right, that you can’t attract another person, that you’re “too old,” too needy, and too sensitive to be in a relationship with anyone else, these are signs that you are the target of narcissistic abuse.
7 – You act like a parent to your partner
Being in a relationship with a narcissist often feels like you are raising a child.
Sure, they probably have a great job… maybe even a decent bank account. Both of which make it even more confusing as you find yourself having to continually teach them the basics of human decency.
Adults should not take care of other adults as if they were children unless the adult is incapacitated. Otherwise, this is the basic dynamic of rejection and empowerment.
8 – You keep your relationship a secret from the people you love
This may be one of the most telling signs that you are in a relationship that is really bad for you.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who respects you, treats you as you deserve to be treated, and generally helps you reach higher levels of happiness, then you have nothing to hide.
The people in your inner circle will be happy for you, knowing that you have a partner who cares and sympathizes with you.
On the other hand, when you hide your relationship from the people you love, it’s because they know you’re involved with someone who doesn’t treat you well.
By the same token, you know you’re involved with someone who doesn’t treat you well and you’ll feel embarrassed if your loved ones know you still put up with abuse, lies, and betrayals.
Keeping your relationship a secret is a sign of severe bonding with trauma. Normal relationships don’t make you form trauma bonds. It is important to understand that a traumatic relationship will never turn into a healthy, loving relationship. In fact, the longer you stay, the worse the bond will become, making it harder to leave the longer you stay.
