I finally ended things, and this time, it’s for good. You are done with the abuse, and you are saying goodbye to all those empty lies and promises. You are ready to beat the narcissist forever.

best of all? You really convinced yourself that you deserve better. The future seems clear – or is it?

Unfortunately, if you want to get over a narcissist, traditional separation or divorce advice may not work. This is not a matter of forgive and forget. It’s also not as simple as “trying to stay friends” afterward.

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is difficult. You need to unpack any rejection, maintain firm boundaries, and work through any trauma associated with the abuse. But although this is a difficult task, it is doable.

Let’s get into your step-by-step guide.

Prepare yourself for all the feelings

No matter how bad the relationship got, chances are you will experience many conflicted feelings after ending it. These feelings are a normal part of the grieving process. Don’t be discouraged by this – you’re only human (and maybe a compassionate one at that!).

As with any breakup, you may experience general feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and shame. Sometimes, you may also feel remorse and remorse.

But the nature of a narcissistic relationship can trigger different feelings associated with paranoia, anger, anxiety, betrayal, and despair. At times, these feelings may feel incredibly intense. They may cause you to want to get back with the narcissist.

But keep in mind that emotions are not permanent. It ebbs and flows — over time, you’ll learn about your emotional triggers, and develop appropriate strategies for dealing with distress before it wears you down.

Take care of your privacy

The narcissist may try to keep tabs on you after things end. You may need to take some precautions to ensure your safety.

Check all your phone and location settings

Abusers use all kinds of sneaky spyware to monitor your online activity and whereabouts. Educate yourself on how to determine if someone is tracking you. If you’re still not sure, consider getting a second cell phone and a brand new number.

Change all your usernames and passwords

Browse your bank accounts, social media accounts, and emails. Make sure to change your username and password (they may still be able to log in if they know your username and email). Avoid using any obvious passwords that the narcissist could guess.

Often, to reset a password without accessing your email, you are required to enter a password or password, for example, your first school, pet’s name, and so on. Password problems with no problem.

Check for cameras at home and in the car

Yes, it’s scary, but yes, narcissists often hide hidden cameras or GPS tracking devices in all sorts of locations. Some common hiding places in the home include smoke detectors, clocks, mailboxes, safes, and picture frames. In the car, the narcissist might pin it behind the review mirror.

Follow more actions

If you really feel insecure, contact legal protection. You may file a restraining or protective order against a narcissist. You can also consult with an attorney to determine your best options for staying safe.

Reach out for appropriate support

If you’re trying to get over a narcissist, keep in mind that not all support is created equal. Narcissists often get involved in your relationships with your family, friends, and co-workers. They do this to maintain their sense of power and control.

Be careful about sharing your feelings or concerns with loved ones. Make sure you can trust them.

Fortunately, there is a good possibility that some people have become aware of the abusive behavior. These people will be relieved to know that you are ending the relationship. They may have been telling you all along to get rid of that person! These are your true friends – you can and should count on them right now.

And while it hurts, you might lose some friends in the process. After a breakup or divorce, people often feel like they have to take sides. If that’s the case, and they pick on your ex, let her go. Trying to convince them otherwise is a waste of time.

Keep validating yourself

You may doubt yourself after a breakup. that’s normal. The narcissist may have spent years trying to sabotage your self-worth. It makes sense to feel insecure or even broken.

But self-compassion is more important now than ever. You need to be kind to yourself, and that means affirming your reality and practicing compassionate affirmations.

Some good examples to get started include:

I deserve love and happiness.
I deserve to have people in my life who value me.
I’ll be fine on my own.
I am confident that I made the right decision.
I can do it.
I love myself, and I will only be with people who love me in return.
Hoover’s prediction
I happen to be in the neighborhood. I figured I’d stop at! How are you?

Oh, oops, I didn’t mean to call you. But now that we’re on the phone…

I know you want nothing to do with me, but I really need to talk to someone.

Just like a void, narcissistic rulers devote their energy to sucking you back into their drama. It hovers in a number of ways, but each tactic is carefully designed to capture your attention.

After a breakup, expect the occasional spam or Facebook likes. Prepare for sudden emergencies that pull at your heart strings. Wait for excessive apologies or pretty flowers.

But remember, narcissists don’t always follow a predictable schedule. While some may start harassing you right after a breakup, many wait several weeks, months, or even years before suddenly reappearing.

Rediscover yourself

What did you bargain or sacrifice for the narcissist? What did you completely give up? Who were you before your relationship and who do you want to be now?

Many people feel somewhat directionless after leaving a narcissist. They are getting to know their own identities.

Plus, they spent so much time trying to please and appease the narcissist that they don’t know what to do with their time! It can certainly be upsetting to have to re-evaluate your life and rediscover your priorities.

But this can be a good opportunity for self-growth. Think about the feelings you used to have. Think of all the activities you’ve wanted to try but haven’t.

Move slowly, but act with intention. You have every right to pursue your happiness, and you are allowed to do things the narcissist said you couldn’t do. This is your time now.

Keep a journal of why the relationship is bad for you
At some point, it will happen. You’re starting to get happier, you’re getting more clarity, and all of a sudden you miss them. You may have heard a familiar song on the radio. Perhaps it will be an important birthday or anniversary. Or maybe you were feeling lonely that day.

Either way, this longing will happen, especially if you both share a long-term relationship. As mentioned, feelings are not permanent. This desire will pass, but you cannot act on it. Resist the urge to reach out to them or check their social media. This will only lead to more problems and emotional turmoil.

Instead, keep a journal reminding yourself of your worth and why the relationship was bad for you. Talk to other people who have experienced the same abuse. In other words, remind yourself how the grief cycle works—the more you recognize your difficult feelings, the more grateful you’ll feel for removing yourself from your toxic relationship.

Avoid jumping into another relationship right away
Be careful of your partner’s rebound. At first, transitioning into a different relationship may seem like a tempting strategy for healing narcissistic abuse.

But you need time to process and heal. You need some time for self-discovery and identification. Without taking these steps, you risk falling victim to another abusive relationship. You may even find yourself with another narcissist.

There is no set timeline for when to date again. But try to spend some time alone. You need to really understand who you are, what you value, and what you want in a relationship before committing to someone else.

Get narcissistic: Commit to no contact

If you want to get over a narcissist, you must give yourself the freedom to move on. This does not mean staying friends. This does not mean that you respond to plea texts or phone calls. This means that you have completely cut off all contacts.

At first, this approach may seem difficult or even harsh. If you’ve spent years with a narcissist, the idea of having no connection at all seems bizarre. But despite these mental inhibitions, most people find that making this decision is the most straightforward one.

This is because you are excluding ifs , , and but . You don’t have to rationalize with yourself to decide if it’s appropriate to talk to them. You don’t have to set boundaries or create boundaries. It’s all laid out for you, and it’s all black or white.

Moving forward is not easy, but possible. You deserve the opportunity to recover and live a meaningful life.

The best way to start is to address and overcome the brainwashing and mind manipulation that the narcissist inflicts on you. Unfortunately, this does not go away on its own.

My best recommendation is to find an online program to keep you on track and provide support. Break Free has been examined by therapists and neuropsychologists as an effective step towards overcoming narcissistic abuse. Apart from keeping you safe from narcissists, it also enables you to go out into the world with confidence.