Did you have a rough childhood? Have you ever wondered how your early years may have shaped your current thoughts or behavior?

You probably know that childhood problems can undoubtedly affect your health in your adult years. But could these issues make you more vulnerable to problems like narcissistic abuse?

Your ACE score ranks different types of neglect, child abandonment, and other negative experiences. Research shows that higher scores tend to be associated with more mental and physical health problems during the adult years.

Understand the impact of negative childhood experiences
Children enter this world completely helpless and dependent on their caretakers. They are fragile and vulnerable – they need around-the-clock care. Without this attention, they will not survive.

But in addition to basic needs, such as food, water, and shelter, children also need stability and security to thrive. They need to know that they can count on their caregivers to provide for them. This isn’t just essential for infants – it’s a basic need throughout childhood.

Adverse childhood experiences create distress and can challenge a child’s sense of protection. ACE ranges in severity, but includes conditions from:

Physical abuse (hitting, pushing, and intentional infliction of pain)

Emotional abuse (threats, criticism, insults, withholding affection)
sexual violence
Neglect or desertion
Watching abuse happen to other people
Unfortunately, these experiences are relatively common, with the CDC noting that about 61% of adults in the United States report having them (and 1 in 6 reporting having four or more types).

Some people are more likely to develop ACE than others. Risk factors include:

Poverty or other financial hardship.
A parent with a mental illness or substance use disorder.
Exposure to serious life circumstances such as divorce or family death.
Chronic stress within the family.
ACE affects everyone differently. Despite people’s resilience, research shows that trauma can fundamentally affect brain chemistry. Similarly, trauma is a major risk factor for almost all emotional and behavioral disorders. In other words, the effect of ACE can range from causing mild distress to severe dysfunction.

ACEs and relationship problems

When children have healthy role models and lots of love, they tend to develop healthy confidence and self-esteem.

When someone has healthy self-esteem, they tend to:

Enjoy higher levels of confidence.
Trust that their needs will be met.
Have healthy, meaningful relationships with others.
Appreciate their independence.
Feel safe being vulnerable with others.
Safe relationships in childhood can pave the way for secure relationships in adulthood. But the opposite is also true. If a child has insecurities and low self-esteem, which can often occur in response to ACE, they may:

Struggle to ask for help because they assume no one can help them.

Seek attention in inappropriate ways.
Fear of abandonment and find it difficult to trust others.
Seek extreme independence because others seem unreliable.
Subsequently, ACEs can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. This pattern can lead to people-pleasing or vulnerability issues. After all, if you inherently believe the world is unsafe, you will do whatever you can to protect yourself. Often, you will carry these survival mechanisms into adulthood.

The link between ACEs and narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse can certainly resemble the same trauma you may have experienced as a child.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to get trapped. Narcissists are attracted to and empowered by people who will validate and empower their toxic behavior. If you’re already familiar with dysfunctional relationships, you may not know the red flags to avoid.

Even if you know these red flags, a narcissist may be deceiving you at first with his constant love bombardment. They convince you that they love you unconditionally and that they can heal you from the dark wounds from your past. They promise you that they are different from everyone else and that this relationship will be unlike any other.

By the time you start to question their motives, you may already be fully entrenched in the mess. Then, they begin to convince you that you need them and that no one else will ever put up with you the way they can. This manipulation can tire you out, especially if he has already isolated you from other friends or family.

It is essential to avoid falling victim to the narcissist’s rescue trap. They are ultimately responsible for their behavior. It’s not fair to blame their childhood story for their current actions.

They will try to lure you into their drama by pinning their problems on their own childhood. They will blame their mother for cutting off contact. They will blame their father for failing to give him enough praise. They will try to convince you to feel sorry for them.

And even if these feelings are true, even if their childhood was worse, the narcissist will stick to other people or situations to avoid taking any real accountability.

What should you do if you have a high ACE score?

First things first, your score is just a number. This number does not determine your future and does not mean that you are doomed. It can simply provide a general framework about what happened to you when you were younger. And even if you had a rough childhood, healing is possible.