Do narcissists have low self-esteem?
When it comes to understanding the root cause of narcissism, people tend to fall into two camps. The first group usually believes that all narcissists are fools who enjoy themselves without any regard for others. The second group tends to be more empathetic – they believe narcissists are wounded souls who need more empathy and understanding.
As it is, narcissism can be complex. All narcissists crave power, control, and recognition. They all rely on shady manipulative tactics to ensure their needs are met. And while some narcissists may be more attractive than others, it can all be dangerous.
But do narcissists have low self-esteem? And if they think so well of themselves, how can they become a narcissist? Let’s get into what you need to know.
Are narcissists insecure?
The simple answer: some are, but many are not.
The more complex answer: Even if narcissists are insecure, they rarely reveal this part of themselves to others. They do not make a conscious effort to try to improve their inner selves. Instead, they use their fragile egos as an excuse to keep hurting people and focus on self-preservation.
In other words, narcissists are not interested in getting well from the inside out. Instead, they focus on maintaining their narcissistic supply and using other people to validate, affirm, and enable their toxic behavior.
If narcissists are insecure, they use those empty feelings to harm others. At the same time, they remain focused on making sure the world revolves around them.
Why do some narcissists have high self-esteem?
Some narcissists are easy to spot. They are loud and boisterous. They demand attention from others, and they love to be at the center of attention in everything. These narcissists tend to be obnoxious and grandiose. They do whatever it takes to feel important, even when their actions negatively affect others.
Make no mistake about it: Oftentimes, narcissists think highly of themselves. They believe they are better than others, and they assume they deserve what they want when they want it.
At this point, they don’t even realize they’re making up. Instead, it just became a normal part of their identity.
But covert narcissists are more conservative when it comes to striving for power and control. They may come across as passive, fragile, and even insecure around others. They may appear unsure of themselves and may try to blend into the background. In other words, their actions may seem completely counterintuitive to true narcissism.
Like overt narcissists, covert narcissists often suffer from envy, poor emotional regulation, and a lack of empathy. However, they may also have low self-esteem. However, their low self-esteem fuels self-absorption and want.
For example, instead of trying to work on boosting their confidence, they often focus on how they can tear others down. These efforts often come across as passive-aggressive, and they can be overwhelming. For example, an outspoken narcissist will argue with someone who gives them negative feedback. A covert narcissist may seem to ignore comments – only to spread nasty rumors about the person behind their back.
How do narcissists raise their self-esteem?
Unfortunately, their strategies are not very good. If you are too closely involved in their lives, you may be vulnerable to manipulating and abusing them to meet their endless needs.
your status
Narcissists feel better about themselves when they can put someone under them. That is why they often gravitate towards leadership positions – they like situations where they can control people.
In relationships, a narcissist may bring you down by undermining your successes, laughing at your dreams, or sabotaging your efforts. They may also criticize or blame you for anything that goes wrong in their lives.
Gaslighting others
There is no doubt that narcissists cause serious damage, and gaslighting is one of the worst offenders. Gaslighting is a technique designed to make you question your reality. Narcissists gaslight by twisting the truth to make it look like you are overreacting or misunderstanding the situation.
Gaslighting might look like this:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about! I never said that.”
“You are sensitive now.”
“Why are you so upset about this? It’s not a big deal.”
“Just kidding – you don’t have to worry!”
“You’re looking at this a lot.”
“We already discussed this. Don’t you remember?”
“I’m sorry you’re angry about this. I always try to make you happy.”
Oftentimes, narcissists rely on gaslighting when their self-esteem feels threatened. They don’t want to give anyone else the upper hand, so they manipulate the truth to make you doubt yourself.
Escape from reality
Narcissists often try to feel better about themselves by completely disconnecting from the real world. This is why they have high rates of alcoholism, excessive shopping or gambling, workaholism, and eating disorders.
They engage in compulsive behavior to temporarily lift their emotions. Because they often believe they are above the consequences, they are often unaware of the potential problems associated with their risky decisions.
Of course, this episode is devastating for loved ones. You may feel anxious or angry about their behavior. But don’t expect any confrontations or interventions to go well—narcissists won’t change their ways unless they feel necessary (and even then, their efforts tend to be short-lived).
Uninterrupted bragging
All narcissists brag. Outspoken narcissists do so outright. They show their achievements and keep talking about them. They seem to have no filter (or awareness of others) when it comes to projecting their greatness.
Covert narcissists can be smarter. They often brag about making more self-critical statements. For example, they might post a picture of their beach vacation with the caption, What an ugly sight. Or they might brag about an exciting new job by writing a comment like, Oh! Guess I’m going to have to buy some real work clothes now.
Seek sympathy
Narcissists love when others feel sorry for them. This is why she can present as incredibly strong one moment – and downright fragile the next. Even pity is a form of caring, and narcissists take all the attention they can get.
Sometimes, they may exaggerate certain issues to make it seem like things are worse than they are. “My head has been killing me lately…I’m sure it’s nothing, but the doctor seems a little concerned, so he wants to run more tests. There’s a possibility of a brain tumor. I know we’re not talking anymore, but I thought you You want to know.”
Other times, they may blame external circumstances for their narcissistic behavior. “I know I’m still hurting you. I’ve been talking about my trauma in therapy, and realizing how much my parents didn’t exist for me. No one ever showed me how to love. I hope you’ll be more patient with me. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Branched monkey
Narcissists need constant recognition and validation. They depend on other people and things to meet those needs because they can’t do it themselves. They rely on their relationships to help them feel comfortable – even though they don’t feel comfortable.
Many narcissists like to hedge their bets and make sure they have exit strategies in place. The Monkey’s divergence allows them to avoid true commitment and move from one relationship to the next.
This strategy also temporarily boosts their ego and self-esteem. It can be gratifying to know that someone else wants them. In addition, because narcissists feel entitled to what they want, satisfying this need sustains their selfish impulses.
