In 1974, well-known media heiress, Patricia Hearst, was kidnapped. Later, she went on to help her attackers rob a bank, citing sympathy and support for their mission. In 1998, ten-year-old Natasha Kampusch was kidnapped on her way to school. After her abuser committed suicide several years later, Kampusch showed visible distress at her loss. She wept over his death and continued to carry a picture of him for many years.
These high-profile cases refer to Stockholm Syndrome, a phenomenon in which victims communicate and communicate with their perpetrators. But Stockholm Syndrome doesn’t just happen in the media – it’s a typical response to an abusive relationship.
For most people, recovery from Stockholm Syndrome is essential to recovering from abuse. Once you stop getting along with your abuser, you will have complete freedom to move on with your life.
Understanding Stockholm Syndrome
What makes some people stick to brainwashing rituals? Why do some partners stay in terrible relationships, even when they have all the resources to leave? How do we collectively find empathy for people who commit some of the most heinous acts known to mankind?
To answer these questions, you first need to understand Stockholm Syndrome and how it intensifies over time.
In many ways, Stockholm Syndrome represents the basis of trauma bonding. It occurs when victims feel positive feelings toward their abusers. These feelings may include anything from sympathy to sympathy to true feelings of love. It can worsen as the relationship progresses, making it difficult for people to leave toxic or life-threatening situations.
When it comes to Stockholm Syndrome and narcissism, many loved ones struggle with these conflicting feelings. For example, you may begin to identify with the narcissist exaggeratedly. You may feel that you are the only one who understands them. On top of that, you might think that the two of you are still meant to be together, despite all the hurt and abuse.
As you can see, Stockholm Syndrome is a response to trauma. Your mind and body are trying to protect you by convincing you that an unsafe situation is not, in fact, unsafe.
Common signs of Stockholm Syndrome
Stockholm syndrome can vary from person to person, but most victims experience some common tones. In cases of narcissistic abuse, here’s what you can expect.
Positive thoughts and feelings about the narcissist
He was misunderstood by everyone!
She’s just doing her best, and she works hard.
He loves me, which is why he is very protective of me.
Do any of these texts sound familiar? If so, you may be justifying the narcissist’s actions more than you realize. This is not your fault. As you probably know, narcissists rely on a gas strategy to make others doubt themselves. In addition, they manipulate almost every situation to make themselves look like good people.
Hostility toward people versus the narcissist
Do you find yourself rushing to your partner’s defense (even when you know they’re wrong?) Do you get annoyed when someone points out their flaws? Do you feel like you and the narcissist are against the world?
If so, this is another common sign of Stockholm Syndrome. You feel so much empathy and sympathy for the narcissist that you alienate yourself from others. You are blocking out any negative noise because facing this fact is so painful.
Justify or defend their behavior
He takes care of me and provides me with a good life.
It’s my fault she gets so annoyed sometimes.
He doesn’t have anyone else he cares about like me.
This is one of the most dangerous signs that you are amid narcissistic abuse. When you’re at this crossroads, it’s hard to see the danger for what it is. Instead, you start by imitating the narcissist’s language and internalizing their beliefs about you and the world.
Does everyone in narcissistic relationships suffer from Stockholm Syndrome?
No, but it’s common. While Stockholm syndrome is not an official diagnosis, many people in abusive relationships experience signs of it.
Narcissistic relationships are very destructive because narcissists engage in several tactics to maintain power and control. For example, you might:
Bombarding you with love to make you feel special and important.
Work hard to convince you that no one else understands it.
It isolates you from other relationships or feelings to avoid outside influence.
Threats of harm to you or your reputation if you leave the relationship.
Offer sympathy and kindness occasionally (tricking you into thinking everything is fine).
This pattern makes it easy to fall prey to Stockholm Syndrome. Even if you know something isn’t right, even if you question the integrity of the relationship, the narcissist will redouble their efforts to keep you from feeling overwhelmed.
Even worse, they will work as hard as possible to convince you that they are a good person. After all, from their point of view, everyone else has the problem. Everyone else makes things difficult.
Unfortunately, children are particularly susceptible to Stockholm Syndrome. Children often confuse a narcissist’s abusive actions as loving or protective. And even if they feel angry at their narcissistic parent, they also know that they depend on them for safety and security.
Recovery from Stockholm Syndrome
If you recognize parts of Stockholm Syndrome, you may feel overwhelmed. What are you going to do next? How do you proceed? Here are some tips.
1- Practice more self-compassion
Stop blaming yourself for your thoughts and feelings. Narcissistic relationships are complex and destructive. You didn’t ask to lose yourself in the crossfire, and anyone can become vulnerable to a narcissist’s charm.
Beating yourself up will only exacerbate your shyness and insecurities. Instead, remind yourself that you are only human and that you can recover.
2 – Stay objective
He hit me three times last night. He threatened to tell my best friend that I cheated on him. He forced me to have sex.
Emotions can complicate facts, so it can be helpful to act as if you are a journalist reporting an unbiased story. This method can reduce the cognitive dissonance you experience towards your abuser. It can be helpful to write down all of these “parts of the story” as a reference point to document what happened.
3 – Keep educating yourself
Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to understanding and recovering from Stockholm Syndrome. Take the time to learn about narcissism and how it works. Read about the symptoms of trauma and how it can affect your physical and mental health.
Keep in mind that all of this insight can seem overwhelming at first. Indeed, there is something to be said for the comfort of ignorance. But if you want to heal from your pain, you need to be able to accurately identify the abuse you suffered.
4 – Seek professional support
Stockholm syndrome often coincides with post-traumatic stress disorder. Talking to a mental health professional can provide you with invaluable support and resources throughout your recovery journey.
But before you dive into this job, make sure your potential candidates have a lot of trauma experience. You want to meet someone who fully understands the symptoms of trauma and its impact on someone’s emotional well-being.
5 – Anticipate triggers and interruptions
Recovery from Stockholm Syndrome is not a linear process. You may encounter setbacks along the way, especially if you have devoted significant time and energy to your relationship.
For example, you may find yourself grieving over the “good times” you shared. Or, you may worry that the narcissist will be forever lonely without you—leading to feelings of guilt and fear.
Do not call these weak moments a sign that you are not recovering. Rebuilding yourself takes time, and it is typical for people to visualize themselves as they go through this process.
Remember, the narcissist is counting on you to get these triggers and lapses. Therefore, they don’t want you to change or grow as a person or even question the relationship. This is why the following suggestion is important.
6 – Cancel (or severely limit) the connection
It’s basically impossible to recover from Stockholm Syndrome when you’re in an active, reactive relationship with your abuser. Even if you hate a narcissist, staying in touch with them always means staying in touch with their lies, manipulation, and anarchy.
If they have a way of “working” with you, they will take advantage of that opportunity whenever they get the chance. And if you don’t separate yourself from the situation, you will still be vulnerable to their predatory tactics.
As much as possible, you need to limit communication. But if you can, eliminate it completely. Ending the relationship and cutting off all communication allows you to focus on moving on without any sway.
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Learning the warning signs of Stockholm Syndrome within relationships with narcissists is crucial. Enabling yourself to see the above warning signs can encourage you to overcome your fear of being a victim again.
