If you’ve left an abusive relationship and gotten rid of the narcissists in your life – first and foremost, congratulations! You are no longer the source of the narcissist and you can begin to live a full and free life.

But sometimes people get out of a relationship and start seeing the narcissist with someone else, whether online or in person. You may consider them inferior. These thoughts and opinions can leave you feeling suspicious and confused – What’s wrong with me? What does this new show say about me?

This type of talk is common on online discussion forums, where people express their confusion when the narcissist backs off in their next relationship. Since it is a general discussion,

Why downgrade?
When we look at someone, we automatically make judgments based on things like their appearance, the way they dress, their career, or their possessions. This is part of human nature and natural observation.

The problem is when we give value to someone because of these things. At the end of the day, these external things do not determine a person’s worth.

So, when people talk about another person as “downgrading,” it’s making a quick and unfair judgment on someone without really knowing much about them. When you see the narcissist with another person who you consider a retreat, you don’t know their whole situation or their story. Automatically viewing someone as a downgrade is a judgmental place to be, not an emotionally open one.

Narcissists and their new resource

Instead of viewing someone as a low-level narcissist, we should consider that they are actually just the next source of supply for the narcissist.

For the narcissist, there is no “demotion” or “promotion” – only the offer. Because they don’t care what a person looks like, let alone who they are as an individual. Instead, they look for something else, like:

Money, property and other property
sex
Power and strength
connections and networks

And these things do not have to be related to appearance or anything else. In fact, many narcissists will date supermodels and celebrities, scurrying around like arm candy at a party. But after the party is over, there is no special treatment towards them.

There is nothing that will “keep” a narcissist except the supply they are looking for. It’s just about show.

A Cautionary Tale: You Can Be Downgraded

Viewing someone as a downgrade comes from a place of judgment — you don’t know their story. The truth is, many people have lost everything from a previous toxic relationship with a narcissist. Because of toxic relationships, people often lose their jobs, turn to drugs or alcohol, or lose custody of their children. These things could be considered “downgrading” qualities.

But here’s the thing: it could be you.

If you remain in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you may also lose your job, your family, your looks, or something else. And maybe the next person the narcissist ends up with will view you as a clone.

So, let’s have compassion and empathy – we don’t know people’s stories and what brought them to the current place they live. And if they were in a relationship with a narcissist, they likely experienced trauma and toxicity that led to them in a negative place in their lives.

You can’t know the whole story of the person, but you know that the narcissist will do anything to fix them, for their supply. Promotion or demotion is not an important concept for them as long as they are getting what they want from the relationship.

Conclusion

If you’re looking at the narcissist’s new offering and considering cutting it, first ask why? What do you realize that makes you think this way?

Then come to a place of sympathy and understanding—you know nothing about them and their story, and it makes sense to make quick assumptions about their value because of their appearance to other external factors.

More than that, it has no reflection on you — you’ve run away from the narcissist and are no longer their supply. Therefore, they will go elsewhere to find it. But if you continue down the same path with a narcissist and keep him or her in your life, you may be “downhill” and you may be the one suffering.

Instead of spending a lot of time thinking about the new person, focus on avoiding the narcissist and rebuilding your own life.