We’ve all encountered overly clingy and needy people in our lives.
Some may be in a relationship with a highly dependent partner, and others may have a friend who requests one favor after another. While it’s human to feel an emotional connection to those around you as well as to ask for their help from time to time, these characters take it to another level.
Needy people often reach the point of becoming toxic manipulators. Most of the time, they don’t realize what they’re doing though. Clingy individuals tend to feel insecure and lack mental toughness, so they can’t help themselves. They need other people to make them happy and complete.
However, dealing with a needy person can be challenging for your mental health. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs that your needy friend or family member is taking advantage of you and becoming a harmful influence.
9 Manipulative signs are needy
- They have a victim mentality
Being a needy person and having a victim mentality are often synonymous. These people cannot take responsibility for their own actions and failures. They always blame someone else for everything.
If they make a mistake on a report, it’s because a noisy co-worker distracted them from work. If they don’t keep an intimate secret, it’s because they encountered a devious manipulator who tricked them into sharing it.
In the end, it is never the fault of the needy. And they don’t just stop here – they also make you feel sorry for them.
- They feel guilty for you
If we take the example with the secret, your needy friend will probably say how devastated this manipulator is. And that you should never have trusted them in the first place. Now their whole lives are completely ruined because of the secret you shared with them! It may sound crazy, but in the end, you will feel sorry for your friend and guilty for calling him out for revealing your secret!
Being needy doesn’t mean being manipulative, but sometimes, this trait comes with a natural talent for inducing unwarranted feelings of guilt in others. You see, making people feel guilty is a great way to take advantage of them.
When your boyfriend is convinced that everything you’re going through is his fault, he’s more likely to give you what you want or turn a blind eye to something you’ve done wrong.
- They take advantage of you
Those in need are usually recipients and rarely givers. If you are there for them when they need you, that doesn’t mean they will do the same for you.
All relationships must have reciprocity in them. And I’m not just talking about helping each other. Emotional investment is an essential component of any relationship, be it romantic, family, or friendly. When you are the only person in a relationship who is caring, truly caring, and willing to help, that means the other person is taking advantage of you.
Has a needy family member called you just to see how you are doing? Does your friend really pay attention when you tell them your problems? Have they ever invited you to their place for dinner or do they just enjoy your hospitality? Are they there for you when you are in trouble?
If a needy person appears in your life only when they need something from you, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are being taken advantage of.
- They are always in trouble
At first, the needy may seem unlucky. Whatever project they undertake, it is doomed to failure. It may seem that they are cursed and the whole world is conspiring against them! They get fired, their businesses fall apart one by one, and they get involved with the wrong people all the time.
When a needy person talks about their failures, of course they blame someone else or things like bad luck or the wrong circumstances. We already talked about victim mentality above, remember?
As a result of this endless series of disasters, they end up asking for your help. And yes, they have no one else to turn to. Only you and your help can save them.
- They are in constant need of approval and reassurance
A needy personality often stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. This is why they need constant reassurance from others. They may become manipulative in trying to get your approval.
They like to do what is called hunting for compliments. It is when a person intentionally says self-deprecating things to hear that they are wrong about themselves. This is what those in need often seek – your reassurance. They feed on it because deep down they feel bad about themselves.
- They compete in misery
This toxic behavior is the result of a victim mentality. Needy people seem to compete with others in misery, so whatever problem you’re facing, rest assured that they always have a worse problem.
Say you are telling your friend about a problem in your marriage. He seems to be listening to you, but as soon as you stop talking, he tells you about his former grief, which was much more tragic than your problem with your wife.
As a result, you receive no sympathy or advice from your boyfriend and end up listening to his heartbreaking story and comforting him instead.
- They exaggerate their problems and underestimate the problems of others
Likewise, a needy person may become passive-aggressive and dismiss remarks that belittle the difficulties of others. All this serves one purpose – to win all the attention and sympathy for themselves.
They may sneer and say unkind things like “I wish I had his problems” when someone else is struggling. It all comes down to the often lack of empathy and emotional intelligence of those in need. They truly believe that they are the only ones struggling and that other people’s problems are just a joke.
They can’t deal with their issues on their own
L’autosuffisance n’est pas caractéristique des nécessiteux. Parfois, ils peuvent sembler incapables de résoudre un problème par eux-mêmes. Par exemple, s’ils sont confrontés à des difficultés financières, ils ne penseront pas à trouver un meilleur emploi ou à gagner un revenu supplémentaire, mais opteront immédiatement pour la solution d’emprunter de l’argent à un ami ou à un membre de la famille.
Pour cette raison, vous trouverez souvent des personnes dans le besoin qui vous demanderont toutes sortes de faveurs, qu’il s’agisse de demander votre aide pour le problème le plus insignifiant ou de les aider à prendre une décision qui changera leur vie. Oui, vous pouvez vous attendre à du soutien de la part des personnes qui vous entourent. Après tout, c’est ce que font les vrais amis, n’est-ce pas ? Mais ce n’est pas une bonne idée de ne même pas essayer de trouver une solution vous-même et de courir demander de l’aide à votre ami.
- Ils pensent que vous leur devez
Les personnes dans le besoin croient souvent que le monde et ceux qui les entourent leur doivent quelque chose. Cela les rend convaincus qu’ils ont le droit de demander de l’aide aux membres de leur famille ou à leurs amis.
Prenons un exemple de comportement nécessiteux dans une relation familiale. Les parents d’Aaron ont divorcé quand il avait 12 ans. Alors qu’il est resté en contact avec son père, il n’a reçu aucune aide financière importante de sa part. Cependant, il est devenu un adulte autonome et dirige maintenant avec succès sa propre entreprise tandis que son père passe de projet en projet et est au bord de la catastrophe financière.
À un moment donné, le père d’Arun lui demande un prêt pour qu’il puisse rembourser ses dettes et démarrer une nouvelle entreprise. Aaron refuse, provoquant la colère de son père. Il reproche à son fils de ne pas être reconnaissant et de ne pas apprécier ce qu’il a fait pour lui toutes ces années. Par exemple, Aaron a oublié comment son père l’a conduit à l’école ou comment il l’a emmené faire quelques voyages en voiture quand il était enfant.
Comme vous pouvez le voir dans cet exemple, le père d’Aaron est convaincu que son fils lui doit, alors il ne s’attendait pas à ce qu’il refuse de l’aider.
