What causes a person to develop a narcissistic personality? Is it their environment, their genes, or could it be the way they were raised?
There have been many studies trying to find out the origins of the narcissistic personality. Research indicates that narcissism is inborn, not innate, and that certain factors will help turn a child into a narcissist.
One of the obvious factors should be the way the child is raised by their parents.
Parenting and narcissistic personality
Overestimating the child
Results of one study showed that parents who “overestimated” their children were more likely to have higher scores on tests of narcissism later in life. Telling kids that they are “better than other kids” or that they “deserve something extra in life” have higher narcissism scores.
“Children believe it when their parents tell them they are special. It may not be good for them or society.” Brad Bushman – co-author of the study.
One reason a parent overestimates their child’s accomplishments seems to be to help boost the child’s self-esteem. However, this appears to have led to narcissistic traits, rather than a higher sense of confidence.
“Instead of increasing self-esteem, exaggerated practices may inadvertently raise levels of narcissism.” Eddie Brumelmann – lead author.
It is noteworthy that children whose self-esteem has been built over time and in the appropriate way seem to be happy with who they are. Children whose self-esteem is artificially raised believe that they are better than others. Research revealed that parents who showed more emotional warmth ended up with children with higher levels of self-esteem.
“Overestimation predicted narcissism, not self-esteem, while warmth predicted self-esteem, not narcissism,” said Bushman.
Praise for their intelligence, not their ability
There are many studies that show that excessive praise for intelligence (and other innate abilities) can lead to a narcissistic personality. Research shows that praising your child for things they didn’t need to work hard on increases narcissism.
Moreover, it reduces motivation and satisfaction. The more a parent praises their child when there is no reason, the more likely that child will accomplish.
In contrast, praise for working hard and overcoming real challenges increased motivation and achievement.
The study concluded that children who were constantly told they were smart were more likely to experience setbacks than children who were praised for their efforts.
“Praising children’s intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to adopt self-destructive behaviors such as worrying about failure and risk avoidance.” Dr. Dweck – lead author of the study.
The best way forward is for parents to teach their children the value of making an effort. This encourages them and boosts their motivation to do better. In contrast, children who were praised for their intelligence were more interested in knowing how well they were doing compared to their competitors.
The researchers said that “children who were praised for their intelligence preferred to know how others performed on tasks rather than learn about new problem-solving strategies.”
Conditional love
Some children grow up in an environment where they are given love only if they achieve something. Therefore, their identity is based on a very fragile and fickle interest. This can lead to a very poor sense of identity.
This low self-esteem will have an impact on their behavior around their peers. They may “grow up” themselves in the eyes of others. They may also feel as if they have to put others down in order to feel better about themselves.
Of course, all the time a child is doing a good job, parents will shower him with praise and some form of affection. However, if they fail, the child will be ignored, scolded, neglected, and ostracized.
This leaves the child in a very unstable state of mind. There will be no pride in their accomplishments. They know that in order to get any kind of attention, they have to keep getting done.
The problem is that parents are not interested in their children or what makes them happy. All they care about is looking good for family and friends. After that, the child will only feel safe if he is the “best”, which leads to narcissistic tendencies. Children believe that they are worthy of love only because they are special.
Insufficient parental validation
You would think that all children who end up with a narcissistic personality are told that they are special, amazing, exceptional, and the best at absolutely everything. But there is another factor which is neglect and deprivation.
Children who are not given enough validation during their formative years can grow up to develop narcissistic tendencies. When we grow up, we all need validation from our parents. They help us form our identities and personalities.
However, those who have not received proper validation and support may act as a barrier against this lack of support and love. These children find it easier to suppress their negative feelings caused by parental neglect than to deal with the truth.
They may also develop an unrealistic self-concept, a bulky one with an inflated sense of self as a coping mechanism. This view of themselves has nothing to do with their actual accomplishments or accomplishments. Furthermore, once they become adults, they will need constant admiration and crave attention that they did not receive from their parents.
How to prevent your child from developing a narcissistic personality
There are signs of narcissism in childhood:
Insisting on lying to benefit oneself
Exaggerated view of oneself
Feeling entitlement over others
Pathological need to win
Bullying others to improve their appearance
Aggressive responses when challenged
Always blame others for failure
Once narcissism is established in adulthood, it is very difficult to treat. This is because the narcissist is unwilling (or unable) to recognize his own narcissistic behaviors.
It is possible to prevent your child from developing a narcissistic personality if you notice the above-mentioned signs by doing the following:
- Appreciation of honesty and empathy
- Stop the entitled actions or attitudes
- Encourage putting others first
- Build healthy self-confidence by feeling warm and tender
- You have zero tolerance for lying or bullying
