Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist is confronted with, challenged, or denied something. In such a situation, they feel like their entire facade is falling apart. The narcissistic wound is real, however, it comes from a place of imaginary pain. How can we tolerate this kind of behavior?
To understand narcissistic harm, you have to know a little bit about narcissists themselves. A person who has been “diagnosed” in their own right, as a narcissistic individual will have layers of characteristics.
First of all, most narcissists were children who had been traumatized or abused. The abuse over time led them to build high walls to keep others out. It made their self-esteem plummet, too. As a result of all this, narcissists have built a façade of who they really are and, when confronted or challenged, acquire the narcissistic wound.
What causes narcissistic injury?
There are several ways other people can cause this injury. Like I said above, a challenge or confrontation will do the trick. But let’s take a look at some of these things in order to get the full picture.
Break the mask
The narcissist has the wrong idea of who they are. Some of them actually believe in this fake identity, while others use the identity to deceive others. Injuries occur when someone tears off the mask to reveal the narcissist’s true identity. This sparks anger, resentment, and manipulation.
You see, when you’ve lived the majority of your life with low self-esteem, creating a different, more positive identity is ideal. When that identity is destroyed, you will be back where you started. It is actually painful for the narcissist.
Indicate errors
There is no narcissist in this world who likes to have their failures noticed. Injuries happen quickly when a narcissist fails at something or is wrong about something, and a friend notices. Maybe if they fail at something while they’re on their own, it’s not so bad, but for someone to see what happened, that could be devastating.
Detection of mistrust
Narcissists cannot handle another person revealing their lack of confidence. The truth is that the root of narcissistic behavior lies in low self-esteem, as it comes from a previous trauma or an abusive childhood. The narcissist walks and talks with an air of confidence, however, it is all wrong. When her truth is revealed, a narcissistic injury occurs.
How do we recognize a narcissistic injury?
Turning again to the adult/child relationship in relation to abuse, we can learn to recognize narcissistic injuries that surface. If a parent is a narcissist, some of these traits will likely try to stick to the child, especially mental trauma. So how do we know if this is happening?
- They reject others
If the narcissist’s friends and family know what they’ve been through, people are usually willing to help. But that help will also come with exposing their mistakes and helping them solve problems.
They don’t want others to see the flaws, and so friends and family can’t help. Loved ones may treat narcissists harshly, saying they are challenging them to do better. This will make them push friends and family away.
You see, narcissists feel as if they have to be loved and accepted at all times. This can be particularly negative on social media.
If someone with a wounded narcissist is challenged online, they will go to extremes in arguments and comments, to the point where they may delete or block people from their personal space — it could even be loved ones.
- They have impossible expectations
Even if everyone is talking about how talented they are, it’s never enough.
Narcissists always have to be in the spotlight, always get attention, and when it comes to the online world, they always post things about themselves or what they’ve accomplished. One nice compliment is never enough for them. This is because narcissists secretly always feel like a failure.
- Sometimes they are superior
On the flip side, sometimes a narcissist wants to help too much. In order to fill that void inside, and yes, there is a deep dark void inside every narcissist, they must constantly do things for people, or give endless compliments—usually empty compliments that this toxic person doesn’t really mean.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s true. Narcissistic injury shows through the many layers of the Good Samaritan at times. If they can hold that camera while assisting, they can be superior and live out those once impossible expectations. Giving and obtaining abnormal level medal.
- You don’t want to say no
On the inside, the narcissist always wants to say no, but on the outside, they never want to say no. Does this make sense? Well, this is how a narcissist works. The narcissist focuses on himself first, although it helps greatly, never wants to say the word “no” and always seems very humble. It’s all wrong.
They don’t want to say “no” because they fear the consequences. That’s it. No narcissist wants to be hurt by rejection because they did not conform to someone else’s desires. Therefore, they are trying to somehow bridge this gap. It’s usually a messy routine.
Narcissistic injuries are real
If you live with a narcissist, you will eventually face those strange injuries. When you do, take some time before getting into an argument with them. Think about why the narcissist is feeling hurt and try to solve this problem accordingly.
