Signs of a toxic relationship aren’t always obvious. Sometimes the indications can be so hidden that it takes years to discover the truth.

There are healthy relationships and then there are toxic ones. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to distinguish between the two. After all, the first years of love are seen through rose-colored glasses. It takes at least one year to really understand the main characteristics of your partner.

However, there are red flags, sometimes even from the start, that help you see deeper truths.

Neglected signs of a toxic relationship

No relationship is perfect, but healthy relationships can be defined by stability and happiness where you feel respected and valued. However, a toxic relationship is not.

When you’re in a relationship like that, you feel drained almost all the time. There are many signs that people neglect to recognize toxic relationships, so I’m here to help you learn a few of those hidden red flags.

1. Self-betrayal
   One sign that you may not notice in the early days of a relationship is self-infidelity. This behavior is characterized by your willingness to change your opinions and beliefs to match your partner’s. Many of us change about this and don’t even realize what we’ve done so far in the relationship.
2. Uncertainty
   Even when things seem fine, there can be a sense of uncertainty creeping up behind you. You find yourself asking questions like, “Will I be with this person a year from now?” Or, “Why do I feel in love one moment and hate them the next?”.

This should be a big red flag, but you may find yourself in denial of the uncertainty. You may even maintain this hope that things will change despite the many mixed feelings you experience each day.

3. Resentment
   An inability to forgive is a strong sign of a toxic relationship. It could stem from being with the wrong person, or from a past trauma. This may manifest through many fights, and in the inability to communicate.

When these two are present, grudges develop, and resentment results from these grudges. You may live your life day in and day out thinking your relationship is okay when in fact, toxicity is constantly making things sour.

4. Extreme stress
   Many people see stress as something that is caused by external sources, but it is not always true. It is possible that your stress is coming from within your home.

If this lack of peace is constant, it can affect your physical and mental health, so it is important to look at all of your relationships, both inside and outside the home. It could be that constant stress comes from a toxic relationship. When you’re under stress, it can be easy to overlook a bad relationship.

5. Avoid conflict
   When problems arise, in a healthy relationship, you need to be able to communicate and work together to solve the problems. In a toxic relationship, there is sometimes something called conflict avoidance that is used. With conflict avoidance, you refuse to bring up the issue because you are afraid.

And maybe you’re scared because the last time you tried to confront your partner about an issue, things got ugly, communication broke down, and then the silent treatment ensued. In toxic relationships, many people avoid talking about what’s bothering them in order to keep the peace.

6. Decreased self-care
   Of the many signs of a toxic relationship, a lack of self-care is the most distressing. When someone is very unhappy but refuses to leave a bad relationship, they will start to neglect their normal healthy routine.

Without going into detail, let’s just say, you start to look very different from the confident, energetic person you used to be. Relationship worries and stress make you forget your own worth. It’s the same process you go through with depression or anxiety, or at least very similar.

7. You just stop trying
   There is a point where at the same time you fool yourself into believing your relationship is good, and yet, you’ve secretly given up. You may seem happy in front of others, but when you are alone, you value this time so much more than being with your own person, that you look forward to them being gone again.

There is, my dear, a huge sign of a toxic relationship.

Yes, those little tags matter

Just because those signs of a toxic relationship are dismissed, doesn’t mean they aren’t as bad as the obvious signs. There are many obvious signs of toxicity, and most of us know them.

But learning about subtle changes really helps us understand where our relationship is headed. With this knowledge, we can save many wasted years of our lives.

If you are in a toxic relationship, why would you stay there for so many years. This is the same as endlessly torturing yourself. Whatever the reason for exposing yourself to such punishment, it is never as good as the reason for getting out.