Being in a toxic relationship is hard, to say the least. Therefore, you must know when it is time to let go of the toxic person in your life.
The word “toxic” is used a lot when talking about relationships. It can mean different things to different relationship dynamics or individuals. But there is a consensus about the common traits of toxicity, and there comes a time when some signs convince people to leave relationships. It is important to know the signs.
When it’s time to let go of the toxic person
There are some situations that make it almost impossible to leave relationships, especially when it comes to close family members. On the other hand, there are other cases where leaving is the only option.
So, how do we tell the difference? How can we get away? Let me share a few things that might help with this. This is what toxic people prove…you have to find a way out.
- They take and never give
While your relationship may not be equal all of the time, in the give and take department, it should end most of the time. With toxic personalities, there is a lot of give and take. Someone with this mindset may ask for money, your time, and other resources, but when you need them to support you, they will never be available.
Lack of empathy and selfishness prevent them from giving of themselves. Why are you leaving? Well, there is only so much you can offer to be taken advantage of. If you give too much of yourself, it is bad for your health, finances, and mental state.
- They are liars
You’ll know it’s time to go when you can no longer trust the person you thought you loved. It seems they have fallen into more and more lies. First you catch one lie, then when you find out they’re deceitful, you catch all of their lies.
Suddenly, you realize they lie all the time, even pathologically. Even worse, they can look you straight in the eye and lie without emotion. How do you think the future will be with someone who lies to you all the time? think about it. You may try to get them to see the error in their ways, but eventually, you may have to cut ties with them.
- They make you happier when they’re away
Let’s say you married someone who seemed like the perfect person. They were so kind and loving, sharing stories and ideas. You loved being around them.
But over time, it changed, like rust appeared on the metal. They’ve changed into a completely different person, and this new person seems toxic. Now, you love every second that you’re away from.
If you’d rather be alone all the time than be with your loved one, something is wrong. And when your partner is home, you find excuses to run away from him, which is not healthy. You are obviously much happier on your own.
In my experience, getting away from a toxic person as much as possible means avoiding those “evil” encounters – starting fights, accusations, lies, and all the other things that come with a toxic personality. Could this be the time to leave?
- They rub you
If you stay around someone who exhibits a toxic personality long enough, you will start to pick up some of the same traits they do. You may start to feel hurt and cry, but when you try to stand up for yourself, you may start using the same disrespectful behavior in a defensive way.
This was always scary to me as I noticed I picked up on some of my ex’s personality traits. In a fight with someone once, they told me I was doing the same things he did. It chilled me to the bone.
Although you may be a victim of someone with narcissistic personality disorder, for example, you may develop some bad habits of this toxic person. Then you can use it with other people. When you notice this, it is a good indication that you might want to stay away from them.
- They destroy your boundaries
You must have boundaries that help you understand what you can and cannot afford. These boundaries are made up of your standards, morals, beliefs, and passions. If someone in your family is trampling on those basic rights, can you stop them?
If you find that they are killing off some of these basic rights and your boundaries are becoming ambiguous, you may want to put some miles between you and this person. The more you lose your limits, the more you sacrifice.
Your value is built on the core foundations of those core beliefs that make up your boundaries. You cannot allow them to be destroyed.
- They make you resort to unhealthy coping measures
Most people can handle a glass of wine and it’s totally fine. Other times, they drink as a coping mechanism. There is a difference. If you’re dealing with a toxic person and overeating, drinking, or using drugs, you’ve turned to dealing in an unhealthy way. Essentially, you are hurting yourself with the idea of running away from harm.
If someone is so awful that you have resorted to unhealthy coping measures, it’s time to leave. Most of the time, if it’s that bad, it won’t get much better anytime soon.
I only say this because I’ve been there/done that…you know the saying. So, think twice before you pour another drink or eat that whole bag of chips. You hide and deny your association with the monster in your life.
- They are offensive
Abuse comes in many forms – there is physical, emotional, mental, verbal, sexual abuse, and other hybrid forms as well. Do you have bruises from your last fight with your friend? Does their voice excite you? Does your heart rate go up the closer he gets home? These are small signs that you are being abused.
If you have been abused, this will not change without the help of a professional. And the toxic person will have to seek help for themselves. You can’t make them go to therapy. So, this is clearly why you should get out of the relationship quickly.
Yes, they may threaten you, but there are places where you can get help, and there are ways you can ask for help without the toxic person in your life noticing you. Even when you are afraid to leave, just remember, if you stay, you may leave in a completely different way. That’s all I will say about that.
- They are controlling
Let me be honest. I have been controlling myself sometimes. But a truly toxic person is controlling by nature. They’ve learned that people don’t like to be around when they see the truth.
Thus, they cut lines of communication when they have a narcissistic interest. They invade your emails, sometimes taking them away. They take your phone and tell you how to dress. Not to mention all their gaslighting to make you think you’re crazy.
It’s not that you did anything to cause this type of behavior, it’s part of the mindset of a toxic individual. They must be in control of everything, or they feel that they are not in control of anything.
And honestly, the only way to get away from that is to take back your control. But you must be careful. If you notice any sudden reactions that can become violent, you should find support to help you. And some people can help.
Advice on how to break free
I don’t have all the answers. None of us do. But maybe I can give you some advice on how to safely get out of a bad situation. Here are some steps so you don’t rush things but still stop abuse.
- Don’t provoke them
If you realize someone can be violent, don’t start a fight out of anger. If they were violent even once, they are likely to become violent again. - Support system
Always have a support system somewhere. Make sure there is no way the toxic person can control this support system. If they try to separate you from your family and friends, a therapist can help.
I learned a trick when I was younger, but still, be careful with this one. I told my abuser that I had a problem and that I needed to seek professional help. This is how I told my therapist the truth and got her support.
- Seek professional help
Read and understand all of the risks when trying to leave. There are many hotlines for victims of domestic violence or other forms of abuse. - Stick to your decision
If you want to leave and the toxic person isn’t physically abusive, make up your mind and stick to what you want. They may try to sweet-talk you or promise to change, but don’t let this sway your decision. If you make the decision to leave a nonviolent person, get out as soon as possible to avoid their impact.
Sometimes leaving is the only way
Somehow, I hesitate to just say, “Go, get out of this situation!” Because when I was younger people told me to leave my marriage and that made me mad at them. I had so much love and hope for my family that I didn’t want to change things.
I was afraid too. I was afraid he would hurt me, and I was afraid that I couldn’t live on my own. The truth is, none of those things were true. Once I left my marriage, I was fine.
I can’t tell you when to leave or if you have to. But what I can tell you is that you might wake up one day at 38 or even 45 and then realize you have to walk away.
You will look back on those years of your life where your self-confidence struggled, you would be afraid, and you might feel great regret that you didn’t see what others on the outside could see.
These are just a few of the signs that you might want to change your life and get away from a toxic person. But read it and think about the fact that it may be true. My main concern is your safety. So, please, do what keeps you safe.
