Again, this is another topic that you may have missed in life, or maybe not. Do you know a talking narcissist? I didn’t realize I was talking about myself so much. Little did I know I was sharing small bits of information and hardly asking any questions. My best friend was the biggest victim of my modern narcissism. And no, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have issues with this because we all have issues.
Plus, did you know that there is some sort of conversational narcissism in all of us? correct. So, let’s break this down so you can understand… unless, of course, you already know what I’m about to say. Some people tend to be miles ahead of me in these areas. After all, we are all learning, every single day.
What exactly is conversational narcissism?
It is the tendency to take over conversations, whether in obvious ways or more subtle tactics. This makes the conversation geared toward one person.
Well, here’s the thing. Narcissism is not always so obvious. It can hide behind many things, and it can also be there without the knowledge of the person using the toxic behavior.
It is also easy to fall into conversational narcissism, like a hidden trap. You can have a normal conversation and suddenly find yourself in the limelight. Then some always use narcissism in conversation, and there are ways to spot them. There are also ways to deal with them, too. If you realize this is you, we can work together to deal with ourselves.
What do toxic talkers look like?
Narcissists in conversation always turn their responses back on themselves. This is an example:
Shelley: “I bought a jacket at the new store in town today.”
Patricia: “Really, yeah, I intended to stop there. I need some blouses and shirts myself.”
Notice how Patricia overhears Shelley’s sentence but quickly carries out the conversation for herself. She never asked what color the jacket was or if Shelly liked the jacket. This is one way to spot a narcissist of this breed.
Narcissism can also be used in conversations with small responses, like this example:
Michael: “Man, guess what! I passed that chemistry test.”
Peter: “Good.”
Michael: “I thought I was going to fail, but I made it through.”
Peter: “Yeah, I did.”
Now watch what happens after Michael finishes telling Peter about his test.
Michael: “So, how did you do on the test?”
Peter: “Man, you did well, but I think some of those questions just weren’t in the study material.”
Michael: “Really, I thought they were. But it’s great that you did so well. I’m proud of you.”
Peter: “Yes, I studied, but I knew most of the other subjects, so it pulled me in.”
Notice how when Michael tells Peter about doing well on a test, Peter uses short, nonchalant answers. Either he’s not interested, or he’s just not paying attention. But when Michael asks about Peter’s test, Peter is ready to talk, even when Michael congratulates him a lot.
A narcissist who talks can also just be a regular thief in the spotlight, occupying the entire conversation. I don’t think I need to explain that. We’ve seen them and liked them for the most part.
How do we deal with this toxic behavior?
When it comes to dealing with a talking narcissist, the point is that you can’t change someone unless they want to change. However, here are the best ways to deal with narcissism of this kind.
- You will listen…a lot
When you talk to a narcissist, expect to listen more than you talk. Since narcissist likes to talk about themselves, and you listen, you are, in effect, dealing with someone who is engaging in toxic conversation with you. If avoidance is not an option, listening is the next option. - You have low expectations
When talking to someone like that, don’t expect them to be respectful enough to listen any more than usual. I mean, if they’re used to doing all the talking, that’s what you should expect. Expect less. If you do, the conversation won’t be as painful as it could be. - Don’t try to challenge them
Although you might want to tell them the truth about what they’re doing, don’t do it, especially when they’re in the middle of a conversation. Don’t try to challenge their topic more than your day or your happiness. They are usually only interested in communicating their ideas and points. - Use this as a learning tool
It can be very painful to listen to someone repeat themselves and talk about themselves, but you can learn things from this. You can learn patience, focus, and self-respect, and these things can help you in other areas of your life. - You can learn what not to do
While listening to a narcissist speak, pay close attention to anything that might sound like you. As I said, we all lock up the conversation from time to time, and listening to an extreme case of narcissism, you can learn about all the things you need to improve yourself.
Let’s deal with them, and let’s deal with us
Before we try to deal with others who have toxic conversation skills, we should do a quick check on ourselves. If we don’t see anything wrong, then we should listen to others, as I mentioned above.
