It is possible that, unknowingly, you have fallen into the trap of codependent behavior. This is a harmful type of behavior also known as relationship addiction – even if the relationship was toxic or violent.
Let’s take Prisca, for example. Prisca grew up in a home where her mother was physically and verbally abused by her husband. Every day, she witnessed the suffering, threats, and severe beatings that her mother was subjected to. But her mother never dared to leave the relationship because, in her words, he “didn’t do it on purpose.”
The most important thing to understand
Codependency is that it is a learned behavior. Prisca grew up accepting these codependent behaviors as normal, so she clung — as her mother did — to unhealthy relationships.
Codependent behavior is learned through imitation of behaviors observed in the family environment. But, as you all know, you can also overlook if you have the right tools to understand what is wrong and how to change it.
What types of people are most likely to be codependent?
Codependency is a personality disorder. It mainly affects amorous spouses but also occurs in siblings, parents, friends, or colleagues of an alcoholic or drug addict.
Originally, codependent behavior was considered co-dependence with unhealthy relationships with people with addictions, and patients with chronic, terminal, or mental illnesses. In his desire to help or please, the person sacrifices himself to the point of losing his dignity, time, resources, and feelings to “save” or prioritize the other.
However, nowadays, the term is used to define anyone, in any type of codependent relationship, regardless of whether there are medications or diseases involved in the dynamics of their relationship.
10 signs of approved behavior
- Constant interest in pleasing others.
Programmers sacrifice their needs for the needs of their partners or the sake of others. - Having trouble saying no or expressing their preferences.
Codependent people are slaves to others. They are not free to express how they feel without fear of being judged. They believe that if they express their opinion, they will be rejected or judged. - Malfunction of communication.
Codependent people have problems when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings, and needs. They are afraid, to tell the truth because they never want to upset the other person. As a result, communication becomes dishonest and confusing.
- Low self-esteem.
The self-esteem of self-reliant people is largely dependent on the acceptance of others. They are very concerned about what other people think of them. - Fear of rejection or abandonment.
Codependent people are often people who do not know how to be alone. They feel sadness and anguish in the face of loneliness. They need constant interaction with others to relieve their anxiety. - Denial.
They turn a blind eye to the problematic aspects of their partner and the relationship. They do not care about these problems and do not think about them. - They spend their time trying to change their partner or other people.
They have confidence that they can change the negative aspects of the person they love. - Weak or without limits.
Codependent people often feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems. They are overly sympathetic. Since they have weak boundaries, they easily absorb the negative emotions of others. - They are still stuck in an unsatisfying relationship.
This relationship is sometimes very abusive, and they know deep down that this relationship is not for them. However, they still cling to it because they are afraid of being alone and don’t have the strength to walk away from the relationship. - Control.
Clients often feel the need to control (implicitly or explicitly) those around them. They do this because the controlling behavior gives them a sense of security.
How to recover from dependent behavior
Dependence is developed through behaviors learned in childhood. The treatment aims to help the person overcome it by focusing on treating and analyzing the roots of these problems, to identify patterns of destructive behavior and their origin.
Once the cause of this codependent behavior has been found in individual therapy, group therapies can also be undertaken to help the person overcome their dependence on loved ones.
The codependent person must learn again what positive feelings are, how to manage their emotions, and understand what love is and what it is not, to avoid falling into a new phase of destructive codependent behavior.
What do you do if codependency is part of your dynamic?
If you have identified codependent behavior in you or your family environment, you must remember that information is the most important. If you understand the reasons for this behavior, it is easier to understand the cycle of addiction and how it can spill over into all of your relationships.
