Physical or verbal abuse is easy to recognize because you can see or hear it. However, the tactics of emotional manipulation are not always straightforward.

At some point in our lives, we have either witnessed emotional abuse or have been victims of this heartache. I can testify that I have survived two decades of this type of abuse myself.

Emotional abuse is sometimes hard to see, which is why, in my opinion, it is one of the worst types of abuse of them all. It also leaves deep scars that only truly strong individuals can bear.

Emotional manipulation tactics
Emotional abuse is not just a random form of abuse used out of anger or frustration. Not justifying physical violence or verbal abuse, but sometimes emotional abuse is planned and mastered before use. This sounds kind of evil, right?

Well, in some cases, it is. In other cases, it comes from a long pattern of abusive behavior across generations. This is why we need to learn about the tactics emotional abusers use to manipulate people, and we need to put an end to these subtle attacks.

Different techniques used in emotional abuse:

1. Approaching … quickly
   People who use emotional manipulation tend to act as if they are falling in love with you quickly. If it is not an intimate relationship, they may try to convince you that they are your best friend after only knowing you for a short time. So how does this become offensive?

Well, what happens is that they tell you some really deep things about themselves, and they act as if no one knows this about them. Then they use those secrets to impress you with the information! Still, wondering how this leads to manipulation?

Here’s the thing, what they’re telling you isn’t all that secret, but your secrets are. They use these things you tell them to manipulate you, while the things they tell you, many people already know. You see… it was a hoax. Now, they have ammunition against you.

2. Twisting the facts
   Emotional manipulators are experts at distorting facts. If they’re not lying directly, they’ll exaggerate, say you said what they said, or simply pretend they didn’t hear you say anything at all. They will lie in creative ways, pushing the agenda that something happened in a way it didn’t.

To misrepresent the facts, for this type of abuser, is easy for them. They’ve been doing it most of their lives to get what they want and never take responsibility.

3. Loud distraction
   I am aware of this but only learned about it in the last two years. Until last year, I had never seen an adult male throw a child-like tantrum when he was caught in the act. Not giving specifics, but he was using a loud scare and distraction tactic to get what he wanted… an apology, when he should have.

Yelling or screaming is shocking if you are not used to this kind of behavior in an argument or confrontation. Emotional manipulators use this tactic when there is nothing else they can use.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on, I stopped apologizing when I wasn’t at fault and came to terms with the fact that he might be gone.

The truth is, when someone yells, threatens to leave, or acts childish, sometimes they should leave if they can’t stop. You have to come to terms with this because not only is the emotional abuse louder, it is the verbal abuse as well.

4. Haste to make a decision
   Well, this may sound strange, but I’ve also started to learn about this recently. Emotional manipulators, when they want to do something they know might upset you, will ask you what you think in a rushed setting.

They’ll ask you questions while they’re out the door, via short text during a work break, or even ask you out in the middle of an unrelated conversation. They assume you will go along with whatever it is because you are surprised.

Watch out for this seemingly innocent tactic, which is emotional manipulation. It’s annoying.

5. Overuse of the word “insecure”
   No matter what’s bothering you, you must be “insecure.” This is one of those emotional manipulation techniques that drives me crazy. You see, if they’re the type to flirt, and you get angry when you see him or you find out, they’ll say you’re insecure about anger. This is a lesson. You are not insecure because you get angry.

I wrote it in block letters so that you understand how important it is to remember this. Just because you don’t want certain boundaries crossed by other women or men in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re insecure.

This means that you stick to your morals and standards. And honestly, if they don’t stop using that word, you probably don’t need it. I hate this, and yes, it’s personal.

6. Run out
   An emotional manipulator will leave the scene when he realizes he hasn’t had a chance to win an argument. They secretly want you to stalk them and threaten to leave the relationship, too. This is mostly in intimate relationships, of course. They may stay on for a few hours or all night, making you anxious and nervous.

I think it’s one of the cruelest forms of emotional manipulation. If she is caught, she will cry and call them again and again, trying to get them home. It’s okay, it takes a while to catch up.

Personally, when I decide to leave relationships or friendships, I don’t snap, yell, threaten, or do anything. I usually have a nice calm “sit down” and explain that I don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. But I think a lot before making this final decision.

All these plays used by manipulators are a waste of time and offensive behavior. The next time that happens, try not to freak out, and maybe even hope they’re serious about leaving. You don’t need those games in your life…. trust me.

7. Pretending to be stupid
   Oh, and adults will pretend to be stupid, too. If you tell someone that you have boundaries, they’ll break them, and then say they didn’t fully understand exactly what you meant. This absolves them of responsibility for their actions.

They even say they forgot, or try to twist your words about what you did and didn’t want in a relationship. They play dumb, but you have to be smart and call them out every time they try this shit. It’s just one of the many emotional manipulation tactics predators use. Show them that you know what they are doing.

8. Playing the victim
   I remember many times setting my standards and boundaries on the table for the people I loved. I did it at first so that they would have a chance to run if they wanted to.

The problem is that sometimes they agree to every single thing I consider important, only to break it off later in the relationship. Then they played the victim when I got angry at breaking boundaries and hurting.

You see, unfortunately, some people never plan to respect your boundaries and standards but still want to be in a relationship with you. What they do is hope that they can change the way you believe. If you are in the process of getting into a relationship, please be clear about what you want, and if the two of you are very different, then just walk away.

Most people don’t change unless they decide to do so themselves. If someone is playing the victim to you, remind them of the standards and boundaries you set in the beginning, and leave the door open for them if they wish to leave.

Why people who use emotional manipulation tactics are the worst abusers

Do you know why emotional abuse is worse than any other abuse? That’s because emotional abuse doesn’t hurt you physically, it’s more than yelling at you, and it doesn’t rape you. Emotional abuse transcends every muscle and fiber of your being and attacks the core of your identity.

It makes you question everything. It also makes you doubt your worth. We will never underestimate other forms of abuse because I’ve been through them all, but emotional abuse makes me angrier than all the others. Once I understand that this is happening, I learn not to respond to the call to fight.