Most of you will meet people who talk behind your back, and that is never a nice feeling! There are a variety of reasons why this happens and why people enjoy spreading gossip. So let’s think about how to deal with it when this situation occurs.
It’s easy to dismiss “Chinese whispers” as petty jealousy, but what makes some people like to chat about their friends when they’re not around, and others fiercely loyal?
5 reasons why people gossip
It is rather painful to find a dear friend who has been talking about you behind your back. But sometimes, they didn’t mean it maliciously.
- Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is a common cause of mindless gossip. If the guy doesn’t feel confident in himself or maybe he thinks he doesn’t have anything interesting to say, he might think that talking about you behind your back makes him more interesting.
People with low self-esteem also try to avoid being the focus of conversation, so talking about others is a way out.
Don’t worry about what people say behind your back. They are the people who find faults in your life instead of fixing their own.
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- Jealousy
Jealousy can be a factor. Even the best friends can have secret envy, whether it’s your successful career or your amazing new partner!
Some people have an unfortunate habit of comparing themselves to others. They may feel that your grass is greener and that they deserve better things in life than they have. Oftentimes, this habit stems from self-esteem issues.
- Negative
Negative people feed on gossip and rumors. Sometimes, the person who talks behind your back loves the drama of sharing secrets. This is their way of making themselves more integrated into the social circle.
However, the most obvious fact about negative people who talk behind your back is that they simply enjoy it. They never see the bright side and focus on the negative aspects of life and people. This is their level of perception – these personalities are often unable to see and say something nice about someone.
- Shared hate
Shared hate is a common reason for people to get together to talk about another person. When this happens, neither person is a friend and may simply try to get close to you to satisfy his curiosity. - Seek attention
The person who turns the conversation back to you may be hoping it will come back to you. In this case, they may be trying to get your attention!
A friend with anxiety or self-esteem issues should never say negative things about you to boost their self-esteem. However, if this happens, it may be possible to fix the relationship if they can try to work through the vulnerability that led to such unkind behavior.
How do you deal with people who talk behind your back?
The greatest paradox of social relations: everyone talks about everyone, yet no one cares about each other.
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There is no “one size fits all” solution here because how you deal with people who gossip about you depends on several factors:
How much do you value the relationship and whether you think it is worth saving?
How hurtful or hateful the things said about you are.
Who has been talking about you behind your back — and whether it’s someone you can’t avoid dealing with?
Whether any secrets have been broken, and how severe they are.
Here are five ways to manage this situation:
What do you do when people talk behind your back
- Do nothing
It’s natural to want revenge or clear your name if people gossip about you. But the truth is that this behavior says much more about the person who is gossiping than it does about you!
If you can, rise, ignore the jealousy, and keep doing whatever you want. You have to be somewhat sexy to be the topic of conversation even when you’re not around!
Consider the quote:
Gossip dies when it reaches the ears of a wise man.
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- Talk about it
You should also ask yourself if what you heard is true, as gossip can spread in all sorts of ways! If you’ve been told that a friend is talking about you behind your back, do you trust that information or is it worth wondering if it’s accurate?
Most people talking behind your back don’t expect to be caught off guard. Or conversely, they expect you to find out and confront them. Either way, it may help dispel your suspicions once and for all.
- Make it public
When it comes to the workplace, gossip can be extremely damaging to your relationships and reputation. If someone you work with talks about you behind your back, it’s essential to report it to someone in a position of authority to investigate and put a stop to it.
In this case, going public can be a powerful way to dampen the value of any gossip and clear the air with other colleagues.
- Cut it out
Sometimes, breaches of trust are irreparable. If you don’t feel comfortable spending time with someone you know has been saying negative things about you, it’s best to stay away. - Rethink your relationship
If someone has betrayed your trust, but you don’t feel it’s right to cut them out of your life completely, you could be the compromise to reevaluate your relationship.
You probably don’t want to share secrets or private information with someone prone to gossip. So it will be beneficial to reconnect and approach friendship in a less personal capacity when your paths cross.
Is it better to counter gossip about you?
Whether or not you confront people maliciously talking about you behind your back depends a lot on what you want to get out of the conversation. It’s easy to get angry, but make sure you’ve heard all sides of the conversation before you lash out.
Likewise, turning away may feel emotionally defeated. You may feel strongly that you need to stand up for yourself and put things back together before you think about the situation is over.
