I don’t know about you, but narcissists seem to be everywhere these days. From star-studded pop stars and self-centered celebrities to your filtered friends on Facebook.
Narcissists have an inflated ego and an exaggerated sense of importance. They are arrogant, feel entitled, and will manipulate you until they get what they want. But do narcissists feel guilty for their actions? Or are they so full of their own self-importance that they don’t care?
“Narcissists are unwilling to apologize for their transgressions, because they have less empathy for their victims and less guilt.” Jost M Leonesen, Nottingham Trent University, UK; Constantine Sidikides and Tim Wildshot, University of Southampton, UK
There are two factors we need to examine before we know the answer. The first is to differentiate narcissists and examine what we mean by guilt.
Kind of narcissists
First of all, let’s examine the types of narcissists.
There are two types of narcissists:
grandiose
exhibition
What Kind of Narcissist Feels Guilt: Arrogant or Weak?
Both types of narcissists have a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, an overactive ego, and high self-esteem. However, there are differences between the two.
The great narcissists
Grandiose narcissists have an inflated sense of their self-worth. They are very confident, which causes them to overestimate their capabilities. Grandiose narcissists are also socially controlling and very manipulative.
Grandiose narcissists also believe they are the best at everything and feel they deserve the best out of everything. If they don’t get the praise, the recognition, or the rule they deserve, they get angry.
Grandiose narcissists project this anger outward toward their audience. They don’t know how you feel and they don’t care, as long as they are the center of attention.
Vulnerable narcissists
Vulnerable narcissists are different. Although they still desire recognition and praise from others, they feel unworthy and suffer from low self-esteem. While grandiose narcissists are aggressive and arrogant, weaker narcissists are defensive and conflict-avoidant.
Vulnerable narcissists suffer from an inferiority complex and need the admiration of others to boost their low confidence. They desperately want people to love and admire them, and as such, they are very sensitive to criticism and worry about what people think of them.
As with the grandiose narcissist, the vulnerable narcissist feels the same anger and resentment, however, they project these feelings toward themselves.
Now that we know more about the two types of narcissism, how does this help us understand if narcissists feel guilt? Let’s examine what guilt is and whether arrogant or vulnerable narcissists can feel guilty.
What is guilt?
What makes a person feel guilty? You might think this is an easy question. When someone does something bad, they feel guilty about it. But it’s not that simple. It depends on the person.
For example, a psychopath like Ted Bundy did not feel guilty for his actions. And remember, we’re talking about narcissists and whether they feel guilty here.
Behavioral studies show that in the average human being, immoral actions trigger feelings of guilt. However, that’s not all. Studies also show that people feel shame as well as guilt. So the two feelings are closely related.
But what is the difference and why is it appropriate when we talk about narcissists?
Guilt vs. Shame
There is a lot in common between guilt and shame. Both are negative emotions that occur from behavior that goes against a person’s moral code or judgment. But they are slightly different:
Guilt: “I did something bad.”
Shame: “I am a bad person.”
Guilt
Guilt is an emotion we feel when we regret something we did that caused harm. Empathic people are more likely to feel guilty, as they can imagine the effect their actions will have on the other person.
People feel guilt for many different reasons; Cheating on a partner, taking money without asking, swearing at a good friend, etc. Guilt reflects upon us when we go against our core morals and values. But can we feel guilty if we have no morals or values?
Shame
Shame is a completely different kettle of fish. Shame is the emotion we feel about ourselves. Shame is self-evaluation. It is a form of criticism of our behavior or actions. Shame is associated with high neuroticism, low self-esteem, and negative feelings about oneself.
Therefore, guilt and shame are feelings of self-criticism and distress at failure. In other words, guilt and shame are self-critical feelings that arise when we are unhappy with our actions.
However, self-criticism is different, and this is important because it helps explain how both high and low narcissists feel guilt. The first thing I want to tell you is that there are two forms of self-criticism:
External blame: the person is wrong and evil but believes he is entitled to do as he pleases. They have the power and are ready to cause damage.
Self-blame: the person is stupid and ugly, but he feels offended and ashamed. They cannot meet their standards.
Do narcissists feel guilty and what does empathy have to do with it?
Arrogant and vulnerable narcissists engage in immoral behavior to get their needs met. And we know that both types of narcissists score low on empathy.
Narcissists only think of themselves. They are the center of the world and do not consider the impact of their actions, be they good or bad. They are unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. So, how can narcissists feel guilty?
Can an arrogant narcissist feel guilty?
The arrogant narcissist believes they are entitled to do whatever they want and, as such, feel no guilt. A vulnerable narcissist may not feel guilty either. However, there is evidence to suggest that they feel shame.
Grandiose narcissists have overconfidence in their abilities, charismatic, highly manipulative personalities, and a high level of self-esteem. Grandiose narcissists believe in their self-worth. They don’t need anyone to tell them how great they are; They already know.
Their core values are to get everything they can to make their lives better, to achieve the admiration they deserve, and to be the center of attention. Therefore, there is nothing in their behavior that contradicts these core values. A grandiose narcissist will not feel guilty about his or her actions.
Another factor to remember is that the arrogant narcissist is unaware of other people’s feelings, so they will not feel guilty. If the arrogant narcissist doesn’t get the attention or appreciation he feels he deserves, he will lash out with anger. They certainly won’t feel guilty.
Does the vulnerable narcissist feel guilty?
Vulnerable narcissists, on the other hand, worry a lot, have low self-esteem, and are neurotic and defensive. The vulnerable narcissist does not know his self-worth, he needs to get it from others.
They depend on admiration and praise from others because they have such a low opinion of themselves. They feel inadequate unless someone tells them otherwise.
Another difference between the arrogant and the vulnerable narcissist is that the vulnerable narcissist is very aware of what other people are thinking. This is where shame comes into play.
Narcissistic low self-esteem is dependent on others. They are desperate to be loved and loved – this is how they gain the trust and attention they crave.
The difference is that if vulnerable narcissist doesn’t get the attention or recognition they want, they will blame themselves and feel more insecure. Because they do not have an exaggerated view of themselves, they will not feel guilt, and vulnerable narcissists will feel shame.
