Why betrayal hurts us so badly? Is it because someone you trust has let you down? Or maybe a person in authority whom you believed lied? What about betrayal is difficult for us to forgive? Evolution may hold the answer, as our early ancestors relied on trust and loyalty from other tribes as a matter of survival. However, in the 21st century, there are psychological reasons for infidelity, as we are deceived by people we trust and love.
This type of trauma usually relates to primary attachment figures such as a parent, caregiver, or other significant relationship from childhood. In adulthood, Sabrina Romanoff tends to recur between romantic partners, says a clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff.
Trust is rooted in our psyche and given to those we respect, so when someone is unfaithful, we feel it deeply. Studies show that betrayal can lead to trauma, anger, and grief, and in some cases is responsible for anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. If betrayal seems so brutal, why aren’t people loyal? What are the psychological causes of infidelity and are there warning signs?
7 Psychological reasons for infidelity
- The rules don’t apply to them
When people in power betray us, it’s usually because they believe the rules only apply to “little people”; You and me, in other words. Management, CEOs, and even politicians think they are exempt from the rules or are too important, so the rules don’t apply to them. - They lack integrity
For some people, betrayal is just a means to an end. There are many psychological reasons for infidelity, but there are also types of people who are more likely to betray you. Narcissists would think nothing of betraying you if someone better came along. Psychopaths and sociopaths betray us all the time. They have no regrets and no remorse for telling the truth. These types of people use betrayal as a tool to get what they want. - They are selfish and greedy
When we betray someone’s trust, we put our needs ahead of theirs. For example, a cheating partner will put their happiness above the suffering of those they love. A drug addict may lie and steal to fuel his habit. They don’t think about the consequences of their actions, only about their own selfish needs. - They don’t want to face the consequences of their actions
Betrayal comes in the form of lies or omissions. A friend could say they’re busy on the weekends and blow you off, only for you to see them enjoying a social media night. They may not want to hurt your feelings and think it’s easier to lie or let go of the truth than to confront you with the truth. - You are not as important to them as you thought
Too often, we put our love and trust in people who don’t feel the same way. We expect a certain level of empathy and when we betray, it can show us where we stand on that person’s priority list. It’s hard to accept the fact that we’re not as important as we thought, but in fact, it’s a pretty good wake-up call. - They are insecure about their identity
I had a “friend” who turned all my friends against me. To my face, she was loyal and a good friend, but behind the scenes, she would curse me at friends, colleagues, and even family. I think she was so insecure about her relationships that she had to get out of my relationship to raise herself. People with a strong and steadfast sense of self do not have to betray others to feel good about themselves.
- They are jealous of your success
Sometimes the psychological reasons for betrayal are simple. The person is jealous of you and ruins your dreams and goals. Maybe you are doing a good job, and this person is late. What better way to draw attention to their failed efforts than to ruin your chances of success?
