Everything you need to know about angry narcissists
“I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know where to go
When the volcano erupts … “
Jimmy Buffett
Excessive narcissistic abusers are notorious for venting their rage and rage on romantic partners/family members/colleagues, as a result of them sustaining a major narcissistic injury.
Related:
When a (generally reasonable) boundary, limitation, or criticism is presented, narcissistic individuals close on the spectrum to NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or its more extreme cousin, malignant narcissism, will react with profound anger. Narcissists interpret (irrational, irrational) what other (non-personality disturbed) individuals consider a healthy limit, demand, or constructive criticism as an outrageous assault on their very fragile and vulnerable ego.
Many outspoken narcissists present false bravado in such a way that their cowboy/adventurous exaggeration is unlikely to betray their inner empty soul. However, to the close observer (or significant other/family member/colleague) of the extreme narcissist, the smug, know-it-all facade is just that…a precariously balanced pseudo-mask trembling with the uncertainty of an impending downfall or worse. , demise.
The elimination of the false self-mask directly exposes the vulnerable and wounded true self within. To the narcissist, his true self is tattered, tattered, tattered…a petrified mosaic pieced together from the shards of narcissistic sources of supply.
As a result of severe emotional abuse and neglect during the formative years, the narcissist’s primary identity is that of shame. To expose their shame is to confront the horror of feeling like a spiritual black hole, which amounts to making the narcissist non-existent.
To survive such emotional blurring, the narcissist affixes false mask(s) to function in the outside world among individuals without the personality disorder. As long as the narcissist’s sources of NS (narcissistic supply) provide adequate infusions of positive and negative fuel, the narcissist will creep forward, topping himself with the lifeline of not knowing others.
Related: What Our Judgment Of Narcissism Reveals About Our Humanity
If you are the unhappy person on the receiving end of a narcissist’s wrath, you will likely be shocked and dismayed by the sudden outpouring of pyroclastic rage bubbling up before your very eyes.
The narcissist’s reaction to criticism, rejection, or even nice boundaries often looks like verbal abuse, slander, silent treatment, gaslighting, exposing, threatening threats, cyberstalking, and sometimes even physical abuse in more extreme circumstances.
For those caught in the web of romantic relationships with a narcissist, the narcissist’s resulting anger at abuse and injury is often expressed through emotional and psychological abuse, as noted above.
Related: How To Detox From A Negative Relationship
Safety is of paramount importance to survivors of narcissistic abuse. If you feel fear for your physical safety, leave the premises immediately and contact the local police and/or security department.
Furthermore, the existence of cycles of narcissistic rage exposes the survivor to the limitations of the narcissistic significant other regarding a lack of basic qualities of accountability, compromise, empathy, vulnerability, integrity, and authenticity.
The typical narcissistic romantic relationship cycle pattern is the idealization/devaluation/ignoring/Hoover-re-attachment/repetition cycle. After expressing narcissistic anger, extreme abusers often proceed with the silent treatment or may move to eliminate their significant other.
It is only after witnessing firsthand that their perfect knight in armor/brilliant princess was just a manipulative actor (and well-studied in the art of love bombing), that the survivor becomes aware of the facade firmly attached to narcissists.
It is devastating for a survivor of a narcissist’s anger to realize that their significant other did not genuinely love them on a mature level and likely does not have that ability.
Lacking empathy, vulnerability, and a strong sense of self, the narcissist is unable to love in any mature, healthy way. Unfortunately, anger, rage, jealousy, depression, and anxiety are the common emotions that lie beneath the surface of the false mask.
Romantic partners must wake up to break the traumatic bond with their narcissistic loved ones.
Future cycles will lengthen and further intensify the devaluation and disregard phases, causing further emotional damage to romantic partners.
For the survivor’s health and safety, it is best to sever the relationship with the abuser, have no contact (or limited contact if the partner shares children or work), and receive trauma-informed psychotherapy with a trained and qualified co-worker. Abuse is not acceptable in any form, nor is it the survivor’s fault.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse is certain when survivors connect with compassionate and qualified therapists, secure social support, and do the work to restore healthy boundaries, promote self-confidence and self-care, and heal a painful loss.
With help and stimulation, the survivor will escape the narcissist’s wrath and move forward to create a healthy circle of support, to soar again in the next chapter of their lives.
